Rethinking things

So my life has been in a bit of a transition for the past few months. We decided to move, then we started packing, house hunting, more packing, having a cold for weeks, the holidays, moving, losing (and then finding) the cat, unpacking, and unpacking.

For the first time I got up this morning and went into the kitchen and started puttering around. I moved the coffee maker to where it should be (on the counter under the cabinet full of coffee cups) instead of where we had first plonked it on the counter the day we moved in. I then started looking for things in the cabinets - to find the salt (which we do not have) - and rearranging things some more. Then I even did some tidying. Now I want to do some more puttering and cleaning. So I feel settled. Finally, and it feels good.

I have had some friends over so far. I have even reconnected with some from whom I used to live further away. Some were content to sit and chat. Some wanted to help unpack. All had advice for numerous suggestions on what we should do next - move furniture, select paint colors, lighting ideas and more. Some we will take to heart and do and others we will politely ignore.

But all this transition and change has opened a door for me to make some more changes in my life. Its not that I am hesitant to make changes but sometimes a making a few changes opens the door to making even more.

A little prod from one corner could make you rethink about why you have some connections or do some things. And sometimes they connect dots for you that you didn't really acknowledge previously. So more changes will be made in my life and I think I am comfortable with that as well.

Its not that I am trying to be vague here but I am not sure about all the changes I might make yet and have to feel things out some more. I might even redesign my blog again...

I blew out my flip flop

Yes it really happened. We went to Sanibel Island for a week which is why I haven't been blogging about me much. And the first day we got there we went down to the beach in our flip flops and stood in the surf and I really did blow out my flip flop.

It was a wonderful relaxing time. And our tenth anniversary. Since we got married, my health has tanked. Let's review the last ten years of my health:

2005 - Massive internal infection due to necrosing fibroids which led to hospitalization and a few months later a hysterectomy.
2006 - I was fairly healthy, for a year.
2007 - Breast cancer diagnosis in May followed by two surgeries, chemo, and ending the year just before Christmas with another lumpectomy.
2008 - Radiation and gall bladder surgery. And my back started causing a lot of pain.
2009 - Back MRI and diagnosis of degenerating disks
2010 - Lymphedema started and treatment for my back. A badly sprained ankle with a chipped tibia and other longer term issues.
2011 - Back treatments and injections began. And I got tennis elbow and developed Raynaud's.
2012 - PT for my tennis elbow and more back injections and procedures. And diagnosis of RA and fibromylagia.
2013 - Osteoarthritis in both knees with synvisc injections. All sorts of fun with RA issues.
2014 - More RA issues, a few colds caused by low immune system. Dry eye issues from RA
2015 - So far only two colds including an ear infection, more lymphedema, and some evil dental work.

But we are still happily married and we are still speaking to each other.. My husband does put up with me and all my ailments.

Things that annoy me

I am sure you all can think of things that annoy you. We all have our pet peeves. But since its my blog, I get to tell you mine. You can feel free to leave a comment about yours if you want too.

I always get annoyed by people making assumptions. You know they assume you are going to die because you have cancer. Cancer is not fun but its not necessarily going to kill you. You could get hit by a bus anytime. Think of it that way for a bit. But I really hate it when people make assumptions about others relating to health. You have no idea what I am going through so stop assuming anything about me. You can ask me about it but don't assume I want to tell you my entire medical history. I will tell you what I feel like discussing but I am not going to have an in depth discussion about my health.

Then there are the idiotic thoughts about my health by, well, idiots. Those are the people that either:

1. Ignore the fact I have health issues and can't do what I used to do. Do you want to go hiking? We are going peak bagging this weekend. You should come with us.
2. Assume I will be cured. (See assumptions above.) I am not going to be cured. The best hope is no further health issues or disease progression. Stop telling me that because I had a back procedure, I must be fine now.
3. Tell me how I feel. You must not hurt much today since you didn't work yesterday. Um, pain and fatigue don't give me breaks because I took a day off. That day off was to recover from the days before.  (I think I am stuck on assumptions here).

Finally there are the people who insist on telling me what treatments I need. Did you go to medical school? No? Then shut up. I don't really care what your cousin's neighbor's dog walker's mother's hair stylist's friend had for treatment for a completely different disease twenty years ago.

I also get annoyed by things like people who stop their car in the middle of the road for no reason,  people who use their cell phones in restaurants or movie theaters, and at the cat who won't eat enough because he's old and can't smell his food, but you get the point.

See, I'm not perfect. I am just a normal person stuck inside a body that has lots of health crap.

A day for me.

The last few weeks months of my life have been crazy. Too busy, too tired, too rushed. No time for me, sleep, food, gardening, knitting, seeing friends and all that kind of stuff. Today was about me. I had lots of things I should do - laundry for example, which is sort of happening but it is taking a very long time. There are also things I want to do - catch up with friends. Finally there are things I did do which I greatly enjoyed.

This morning I slept until 9am and felt rested. I find that if I get up earlier I am too tired and really need to sleep until 9 at least a couple days of the week. You say - why don't you go to bed earlier? I say I think 9 pm is a darn good bedtime. So yes sometimes I get around 11-12 hours of sleep (and it makes me a much happier person).

Then I decided I needed some time for me. I went to a whole bunch of yard sales to feed my inner crap shopper. I look them up on Craigs List and make a plan so I am not driving in a hundred different directions.

I ended up buying (are you ready?): a box window fan for $7 - brand new in the box, never used. A queen sized cotton blanket - brand new, original packaging for $5. Ten skeins of yarn for a total of $10 - several are some good quality yarn. Two boxes of cookie cutters that I will use for felting and a roll of fancy ribbon for making fascinators for $2. An entire brown paper bag of assorted lightbulbs for $1.

Then I went to the crafts store and for $8 bought enough to make 6 fascinators in varying shades of purple. Finally, I came home and ate lunch, did some gardening, processed more laundry, and rescued the neighbors dog from our basement (he tried to meet our cat unsuccessfully earlier), looked at more laundry.

Now I am sitting on my completely unmade bed, realizing that is is 245 in the afternoon and I have not gotten together with the friend I wanted to see because I took so much time for myself. But I feel like a better person for having taken time for me.

Before blogging I read a few other blogs and realized two things: Tomorrow is National Cancer Survivors' Day (feel free to join me in not giving a shit about it - for some reason I really don't care this year). And today is exactly seven years from my breast cancer diagnosis. And for some reason I don't really give a crap about it as well.

But I guess I am still here and that is what is really important. Go me!

PS What is a fascinator? Its one of those fancy hats on a headband that the princesses in England wear but are quite fashionable as an accessory for holidays and the Kentucky Derby.