More Annoyance

I try to eat and drink healthy. I try to avoid premade 'chemical' food and use whole ingredients, meaning real, unprocessed food. In the mornings it may not be wise to get between me and my first cup of coffee. Later in the day, I like my herbal tea for its flavors and lack of caffeine anytime after 10 am. My husband makes fun of all the different kinds of herbal teas I have. I just like to be able to choose which one I am in the mood for.

I also subscribe to tips from WebMD to help keep me up on how to be healthier, what to do or eat or what not to. Usually I find this helpful.

But not yesterday.

I got an email on good and bad herbal teas. I know there are some herbs in teas that can interact with medications. I made a point of reading the information each of the herbal teas and stopped at Rooibos because I don't know much about it and I know I have some. This is what I learned:

"It comes from a plant native to South Africa, and the drink there is called redbush tea. It’s caffeine-free and is often touted for its antioxidants. Some researchers believe, based on studies done on animals, that this herb may boost the immune system and help prevent cancer. They are also looking into whether it can benefit your heart and fight diabetes. Check with your doctor before you use it if you have a hormone-sensitive cancer or you’re on chemotherapy."

Did you read that last sentence? Hormone sensitive cancer? That's me. Now I have to sort through all my teas to pull out any with rooibos. 

This just annoys me. One more thing that just aggravates me. Can't I just be a person who had cancer instead of having to check labels on herbal teas, and everything else for soy? Annoyance, annoyance, annoyance.

All I Wanted Was Some Sleep

Sleep and rest are very important to me. I can't tell you how much. But if I don't get enough my inner pit bull/space alien shows up and makes everyone unhappy.

Yesterday I was very tired by the time I got home. I am still recovering from my travels where I was definitely in the 'weeds' on sleep and rest as well as the stress of late plane flights and time zone differences. I did sleep in a bit and got caught up on stuff at home before going to the gym. By the time I got home at 330 (and reset all the clocks after a (damn) power outage), I took a shower and put on my pajamas. I was going to go to bed early. I ditched cooking dinner and promoted Chinese food delivered as a better option.

I did go to bed early. I read in bed for a bit before turning off the lights. My husband came in a few hours later and several times started muttering in his sleep about 'evacuations'. I kept replying 'there are no evacuations, go back to sleep'.

Then the cats started, actually they started as soon as I got into bed. We have two: Boots, the 'good' kitty; and Evil Kitty, the not so nice one. Boots can be needy especially since we were gone for so long. He comes and meows. He jumps on the bed. He kneads his paws into me. I walks around on me and then settles his big heavy body however he is comfortable and squishes me while he purrs.

Evil Kitty meows just like Boots, but with a slightly different tone. When Boots comes in, Evil Kitty is sure to follow. He wants attention. He had an 'unfortunate incident' before our vacation which included a 4 cm gash down to the muscle and several layers of stitches and the cone of shame for two weeks. This has made him very needy these days (but also delighted to go out and run around the yard at full speed now that he is allowed out again). He comes in and finds me so he can meow when he feels neglected.

Both cats want me to come out and play - or feed them treats or play with the stupid feather on a string or let them out (even though it was raining and dark).

When I went to bed, I thought we would be fine with the windows open and the ceiling fan on as it was supposed to cool off. That was a bad idea so at one point I got up and shut the windows and turned on the AC so I had hopes for sleeping.

Let me just say my sleep was probably interrupted a more than dozen times - once for AC, several for 'evacuations', multiple for Boots' 'Meow', and many for Evil Kitty's 'meow'. I gave up at 630 this morning and let insisted the damn cats go out. I made coffee and started blogging to rid myself of frustrations. My husband woke up and when I asked he said 'he sleep pretty well'.

I am going back to bed and leaving them all to their own devices until I am rested enough. That could be on Tuesday.

Over Reactions

I have no idea why my body has changed so much but it has. And I tend to blame chemo for the changes. Since chemo, I have reactions to tons of things. The list of things I am allergic to has grown immensely. I am even allergic to Benadryl....

I will say its been a very long time since I was stung by a bee. That is approximately 1986 when I stepped on a bee that had come in through the wall of our kitchen in an apartment. I remember it as being extremely painful because there is no flab on your toe to absorb the venom. I ended up calling the pharmacist to ask for options.... But I also remember it going away mostly by the next day.

I was stung one other time that I remember being stung by a bee was as a child....

On Friday I had a bit of an adventure. I was feeling better so I went and poked around in the garden, did some weeding, admired my tiny little green tomatoes, and watered a little bit. My husband had gotten stung by a bee a couple of weeks ago near our rhododendrons out front. 

All of a sudden Friday, I got stung twice by bees and started running to the front door as I got stung two more times. I got stung one last time at the front door. I have I think a total of six stings: left elbow, left knee cap, left lower calf, behind my right knee, right upper calf and right ankle. As it has been so long since I was last stung, I waited a little bit to make sure I was feeling okay and wasn't having a severe reaction. That's a lot of stings. 

Now it is almost 72 hours and they itch like mad! I have tried all sorts of things to get them to stop. I did some research and got some spray on anti-histamine 

That's the bite on my lower left calf. Look how big it is. Some of the other's are even bigger. My research told me this:

"Normal local reactions

You’re likely to develop a raised welt around the sting site. A tiny white mark may be visible in the middle of the welt where the stinger punctured your skin. Usually, the pain and swelling recedes within several hours of being stung. Unless you’re allergic, most bee stings can be treated at home.

Large local reactions
“Large local reactions” is a term used to describe more pronounced symptoms associated with a wasp or bee sting. People who have large local reactions may be allergic to wasp stings, but don’t experience life-threatening symptoms, such as anaphylactic shock. Large local reactions to wasp stings include extreme redness and swelling that increases for two or three days after the sting. Nausea and vomiting can also occur." 
Most of the time, large local reactions subside on their own over the course of a week or so. Let your doctor know if you have a large local reaction after a wasp sting. They may direct you to take an over-the-counter antihistamine medication (such as Benadryl) to reduce your discomfort."

A week or so? Thanks I can't wait to itch like this for four more days. I'm still blaming chemo. Damnit.

Managing Fatigue

Do you remember how tired you felt during chemo and at the end of radiation? That's how tired I feel every day. As a result, my new word of the year is 'no'. As in:

• No, I am not going anywhere
• No, I can't go there tomorrow
• No, the only places I am going are the ones I carefully planned.

Nothing else. If you want me to do something with you, we need to plan ahead. (Unless an emergency and then I am happy to help.)

I cannot drop things and go to the movies or visit someone. I plan what I am going to do and then I plan how long I have to rest and recover.

Yesterday I had a fairly normal day and met a friend for lunch (and gave a neighbor a ride in an emergency) but then didn't sleep that well last night so it took me a couple of hours to get my butt out of bed. After I go to the gym and stop by my parent's house, it will be a lazy day for me. Nothing more. If I feel energetic I will set up my loom while sitting in front of the TV watching LMN movies...

And no, I am not up for any more.

Managing fatigue takes a lot of work. It takes planning and thought. I know I have obligations but I work carefully to manage meeting them. Just because I no longer work, it doesn't mean I have spare time for fun stuff. Any spare time goes to doctor appointments.

I think I sound really negative here but I often feel pressured that I am letting people down and can't get together as much as both of us would like. I'll just keep practicing the word 'no' and hope I do not offend.

Another Try At Being A Normal Person

Yesterday wasn't the greatest day. Between going to the walk in clinic for my stupid tick bite and the antibiotic that upset my stomach, I wasn't as productive as I might want to be. So today I plan on attempting to be a normal person again. It shouldn't be that difficult but you never know with me.

My plans are to warp my loom for another project, meet a friend at noon to go see another friend's new garden center, and then maybe one more errand when I get home from that. Any bets on whether I can make it?

I just get very frustrated by trying to be a normal person and ending up spending a day or two or three recovering from what anyone else could do at the drop of a hat. I spend more time recovering from doing things than actually doing things. Grrr.....

Tolerance

I haven't been feeling very tolerant recently. What I mean by tolerant is being able to put up with other people's crap. It is not my problem if some people are acting pretty stupid around me, or are rude, or are just plain dumb. I do not feel the need to put up with it. I have enough going on in my life that I can be a bit cranky when dealing with others.

As a friend was telling me recently, I need to keep my mouth shut and not tell people they are driving me crazy. I know its not my business what someone else wants to do but sometimes I can be a bit 'outspoken' (as I hear peals of laughter in my head from the people who know me best). I recognize that I do think I can come across as a bit bitchy at times. I do try to be a nice person but sometimes I just can't keep my mouth shut.

Especially if someone is really pushing my buttons, then I get really cranky. Here's an example: a group of friends are trying to get together for lunch and a museum. Around here, many public libraries have discount museum passes available on a first come/first served basis. I don't mind getting the museum passes, because I am cheap and it saves me money.

But one friend (and I am not making this up) called me, texted me, called my library, and texted me again in a five minute period to let me know that my library has the pass available for the day we want them, they were available, and could I reserve it. I didn't require babysitting and I sent her a text back to tell her that. That all got under my skin for some reason. Why did she need to do so much? All I needed was to be asked to see if I could get the museum pass.

Am I over-reacting? I don't think so. It made me feel that she thought I was incapable of checking on the availability of the pass and reserving it. Of course my inner child made me wait several days to actually reserve the pass to make her sweat if she decided to micromanage me and check again at the library.

I don't need micromanaging. I am quite capable of taking care of things myself. Allow me to feel a bit intolerant for a bit here.

I got fired by my eye doctor

I consider myself a proactive and vocal patient. With my health I see so many doctors and spend a lot of time trying to make sure everyone is on the same page. They all need to be aware of my ailments, medications, and allergies. I have so many ailments that I often present issues to all my doctors they do not see every day. My medical care is important to me and I want a medical team which cares about me.

I have never been a huge fan of my eye doctor. I started going to them because of convenience. I have never felt they had the patient's interest in mind, they were really out for the money. At every visit I felt like I was part of a cattle call.

When you arrive, you stand in line and are greeted by one of four receptionists. They are okay not great. Never very social and treat you as just another number. Then you go sit in the big waiting room, unless you are there for contacts which has a different waiting room or for the other doctor who is on the first floor. Then you sit and wait to be called. No one talks. Every one sits there quietly. Its not fun. And you always have to wait for a good while before being called. Its just a pain in the butt.

Once they finally call you, you get your eyes quickly checked by a tech and then sit in the hall. Then another tech finally calls you again and you are seen for a few minutes. Your vision is checked and eyes are dilated if necessary. Then you go back and sit again. Finally you see an eye doctor for about five minutes.

I know they have to wait for your eyes to be dilated. But all the waits add up. I have never been out of there in less than 1.5 hours. And I never feel like I got individualized care while there.

My most recent visit was earlier this month. I was pretty peeved. I arrived on time and greeted by an uncaring receptionist. Then I went and sat down in the first waiting room for half an hour. I went to ask if they were running late as I had been waiting so long and their response was 'you are the next one to be called'. I asked if they always ran late and they just said 'you are the next one to be called'. I asked if they ever told patients when they checked in that they were running late and they said 'you are the next one to be called'.

I gave up and went back to the waiting room and said loudly something along the lines of they didn't seem to care if patients waited a long time. The woman next to me said quietly 'you always have to wait, they are double booked'. I said that's just rude.

So when I saw the first tech, I said something to her and she said she wasn't aware of any delays. Then when I saw the second tech, I asked her and she said she would speak to the office manager. Finally when I saw the doctor, I said something to him. He seemed surprised that waits were that long and said he would look into it.

As always, I review everything, especially things that annoy me. So I Yelped it and gave them 2 stars. Then I got a follow up email from them and a call from their operations person. She did ask me why I was upset and said she would look into it. She mentioned something about the eye doctor was concerned I had written an online review. I thought that was resolved.

Then yesterday I got a letter in the mail stating that I should look for a new ophthalmologist. So I updated my Yelp review and gave them 1 star.

I was ready to find a new eye doctor after my unpleasant last visit. And they are just forcing my hand in this. But I still do not think they are about their patients.

I hate moving, I hate moving, I hate moving

I really hate moving. When we bought our house we said we will never move again. Then we decided that no matter how much we hate moving we really did need to move. That was more than three months ago.

Half my life is packed in boxes. I can't find anything. I have too much packing to do and I physically have problems packing. Arthritis is not your friend when you need to pack and move boxes around.

One of my doctors gave me a lecture as soon as I said we were moving on not moving boxes. But if I pack a bunch of boxes do I just make a circle around me of packed boxes until my husband comes home and moves them around? Not very logical.

Part of moving that I really hate are dealing with multiple groups of people. Because our mortgage lender is a PITA, they are requiring us to use one of their selected list of attorney for the closing on the purchase of our new home. We had already arranged to use our attorney for the sale of our current home. This means I am dealing with two attorneys, plus the attorney for the buyers of our home, plus our realtors (who are very nice and keeping our sanity), and the (damn) bank.

Since we have two attorneys, I get to play 'communicator' between them. It would have been so much easier if we only had one attorney. But it makes the bank happy so they will lend us the necessary money. This is in addition to utilities and a million address changes.

We are finally getting to the countdown of moving. But between now and then are the holidays. This just complicates things even more. And I have to shift around doctor appointments so I am available for closings and all that. I really hate moving.

Getting even or driving your doctor crazy

We all try to be a good patient. We try to eat better foods, less red meat more chicken and fish, get 8 hours of sleep, drink less, brush our teeth, floss, yadayadayada...

Huffington Post conveniently posted a list of 9 things that drive your doctor crazy:

1. Dr Google - we all know Dr Google is an idiot.
2. Refusal to vaccinate - which has caused more problems later on
3. Demanding antibiotics - they don't fix everything
4. Claiming you are eating less and working out more but still not losing weight - obviously you aren't
5. Asking for a quick fix - there is no magic pill (I know this because I ask regularly)
6. I only eat low fat - low fat is good but some fat isn't bad
7. I don't have time to come in - really? You have time to go to the gym, work, out to dinner, etc.
8. I can keep smoking as long as I exercise - They don't get it
9. I don't eat carbs - don't demonize a whole group of food. Whole grains are carbs but are good ones.

Now that I have this in mind, I can get ready for my rheumatologist appointment this morning. I haven't asked Dr Google much about RA recently so I am probably good. The rest probably won't come up. Except for the magic pill issue... I just ask to make sure nothing has slipped by me.

But I have 1:58 left to come up with my list of questions for her.

Am I supposed to be suffering?

I read stories all over the internet and in print about people who are suffering from, a victim of, or a survivor of some ailment I have. I do not consider myself to be suffering, a victim of, or a survivor of any damn thing. I am just living.

I do have a new ailment.... Oh joy. But its not that exciting to me. Its called... drum roll.... are  you ready.... well.... its.... dry eyes. See, its not exciting just like I said it wasn't and I probably blogged about it before. But its just another little pain in the ass thing in my life. A sign that my body continue to fall apart at an amazing rate. Dry eyes don't sound that bad but can lead to long term problems.... But they do not cause suffering or ailing or victimization.

And I get to get another medication with an advertising program - Restasis. This is the one with the perky ophthalmologist who is also a patient... Its right up there with a marketing budget probably the same amount as Lyrica which is single handedly increasing the worth of a couple companies by the amount comparable to the GDP of some countries...

The annual cost for Restasis at retail is $3800. Lyrica is a paltry $3000 a year. What kills me about Restasis is the ophthalmologist told me that Restasis comes in little single use vials which contain about 10 drops each and you are supposed to use one vial in the morning and put a drop in each eye and then toss it and use a second vial at the end of the day. Little plastic vials that need to go in recycling and I hope do not end up floating around in the oceans. The doctor said that I can use each vial for both morning and night so I can stretch it for twice as long. But seriously little plastic vials in this day and age? These could make me suffer itself.

Well even if I gave a new ailment, I don't feel like I'm ailing. But then I never feel like I'm ailing. I just don't. Ailing is a word out of a nineteenth century novel where the heroine is reclining after a stressful afternoon tea or childbirth.

I certainly am not surviving anything more than a boatload of doctor appointments as I have said many times before. I just keep adding to the list of doctor appointments.

But I clearly am not suffering. Never have and never will. Unless its a hangnail or a splinter. Or over annoyance over single use plastic vials.