Recuperating (Or Being A Bad Patient)

I am recuperating from my surgery. It has been 8 days now. I am starting to get to the annoyed stage. The seriously annoyed stage.

First of all, I am stuck wearing this dumba$$ knee brace which does not fit. It is too big for me. I can't tighten the lowest strap to be useful. If I am wearing anything underneath it (including the TED compression stocking I am supposed to wear every day for the next three weeks - which is not happening), it just slides down my leg. So I am stuck wearing shorts. Today is a little chilly for shorts but that's why I have sweaters. I am supposed to wear it 24/7 except when showering.

Second, I believe I am supposed to be doing exercises. I do some sometimes. They are written on a piece of paper that is in a very safe space. When I find the safe space I'll make sure I am doing them as much as I should.

Third, I am supposed to take it easy. I am, mostly, sort of. Friday, the day after surgery, I did nothing productive. Saturday, we went to two estate sales and three yard sales. I got two beautiful antique canes - one with a brass eagle for a handle and the other with a brass duck head. Sunday, I made bread. Monday, I can't remember. Tuesday, I went to my father's doctor appointments and was out from 830am to 330 pm. I was tired when I got home. Wednesday I made home made bagels and set up both my looms. Thursday, I went to knitting and then came home and slept from 4pm to 5am. I think I tired myself out.

Fourth, I am allowed to fully weight bear on my leg provided a use a cane. I keep misplacing my cane. Its somewhere around here. I use it when I leave the house but the instant I come in the door, I put it down someplace.... I find it again before I leave the house again.

I may not have spent as much time resting my knee but I don't want to be bored. Bored people eat things like ice cream and cookies between meals. I can't wait for my appointment Monday. I am going to demand a new knee brace that fits and is less awkward. And I want to be able to drive.

Its been torture not being able to drive. But my friends have been nice and have been taking me places. I already have some lined up for next week if I can't drive.... If I can't drive, I might go crazy.

I don't think I am being a very good patient. But I am trying.

Cancer Shield

I read an article talking about the rise and fall of Lance Armstrong. How is use of drugs and the culture behind the scenes of professional bike riding eventually fell apart. This lead to him being banned for life from bike riding.

In one part of the article, one of his former team members stated that he had a 'cancer shield' instead of being a 'cancer survivor'. I was very intrigued by the term 'cancer shield' which lead to me thinking. (Sorry, I know I should never think too much.)

So I am familiar with idea of the 'cancer card', which is from Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Cancer.This idea allows you to get out of certain things you really do not want to do.... like lunch with your boss - you can say 'well I'm not feeling that well' and sigh. I mean god for bid you might have a relapse as a result of lunch with your boss. Or you swipe that cancer card to justify buying a funky pair of new shoes....

But if you abuse that 'cancer card', do you create a 'cancer shield'? Abusing the shield would allow you to justify bad behavior by hiding behind your cancer. Its one thing to buy those fancy shoes to celebrate ending chemo. I bought myself a fancy watch in fact. But buying a new pair of shoes every day would be irresponsible and lead to a whopping credit card bill.

Was Lance Armstrong using a cancer shield to hide his bad behavior and abuse of prohibited drugs? I'm not sure. But I can think of other bad behaviors where the badly behaved hid behind their cancer 'shield'. Just because you are still here after a cancer diagnosis, it doesn't mean rules no longer apply to you.