Recuperating (Or Being A Bad Patient)

I am recuperating from my surgery. It has been 8 days now. I am starting to get to the annoyed stage. The seriously annoyed stage.

First of all, I am stuck wearing this dumba$$ knee brace which does not fit. It is too big for me. I can't tighten the lowest strap to be useful. If I am wearing anything underneath it (including the TED compression stocking I am supposed to wear every day for the next three weeks - which is not happening), it just slides down my leg. So I am stuck wearing shorts. Today is a little chilly for shorts but that's why I have sweaters. I am supposed to wear it 24/7 except when showering.

Second, I believe I am supposed to be doing exercises. I do some sometimes. They are written on a piece of paper that is in a very safe space. When I find the safe space I'll make sure I am doing them as much as I should.

Third, I am supposed to take it easy. I am, mostly, sort of. Friday, the day after surgery, I did nothing productive. Saturday, we went to two estate sales and three yard sales. I got two beautiful antique canes - one with a brass eagle for a handle and the other with a brass duck head. Sunday, I made bread. Monday, I can't remember. Tuesday, I went to my father's doctor appointments and was out from 830am to 330 pm. I was tired when I got home. Wednesday I made home made bagels and set up both my looms. Thursday, I went to knitting and then came home and slept from 4pm to 5am. I think I tired myself out.

Fourth, I am allowed to fully weight bear on my leg provided a use a cane. I keep misplacing my cane. Its somewhere around here. I use it when I leave the house but the instant I come in the door, I put it down someplace.... I find it again before I leave the house again.

I may not have spent as much time resting my knee but I don't want to be bored. Bored people eat things like ice cream and cookies between meals. I can't wait for my appointment Monday. I am going to demand a new knee brace that fits and is less awkward. And I want to be able to drive.

Its been torture not being able to drive. But my friends have been nice and have been taking me places. I already have some lined up for next week if I can't drive.... If I can't drive, I might go crazy.

I don't think I am being a very good patient. But I am trying.

Trapped At Home

I haven't been so trapped at home since chemo. Then I was too sick to care that I spent my life inside watching TV, hanging out with the cat. Right now I have a giant brace on my leg and can't drive until next week.

My husband is home today, but its day five of 'togetherness' and its starting to get old. Its great that he's doing the laundry I sorted, saving me trips up and down our one flight of stairs. But we are running out of things to do together. He does have other projects he is working on.

Tomorrow a friend is rescuing me and taking me for coffee and then dropping me off at the hospital so I can go to my father's doctor appointments with him. The difference is I will be the one in the wheelchair, giving him a hard time about driving skills, instead of the otherway around.  But I will be out of the house for a good four or five hours.

Thursday another friend is rescuing me and taking me to my knitting group. That will keep me out for several hours again. And I get to see people and talk to them in person.

In the meantime, I am trapped at home with the cats - and the (damn) half dead chipmunks they keep bringing home. Because of my knee and lovely brace, I can't do much of anything. Standing is difficult for any length of time. Sitting is okay. Lying down with my knee up is best. This is very limiting.

I have the DVR and all the 'bad' tv I have recorded. I have tons of knitting I can do. I have to finish a weaving project and set up my loom again (if I can).

But I am not in a lot of pain. The cranky whiny stage has not yet appeared but could be looming in the background. Maybe its time to finish painting the kitchen... Or maybe not.

Its Not Just A Cold Anymore

I got a cold last Sunday. This is day 8. While I feel better mostly, I know better than to push myself. Hence I stayed home mostly for a week. I did not go to the gym. I did not contaminate my knitting group full of cancer people who would not welcome germs. I didn't take my 88 year old father to his doctor appointments. I skipped all July Fourth events. I didn't do much of anything beside catching up on my knitting and going on an emergency kleenex run when I ran out. (And getting stung by wasps when I inadvertently discovered the wasp nest six feet from our front door.)

I did all that on purpose. My goal is not to be sick for two weeks.

Last night we actually went out to dinner. It was nice. Then I went to bed at 9 pm (not that it was that early for me). But it was very nice to get out.

Tentative plans for today include going out to lunch with a friend. That's it. I am not going that far. I am not staying out for long.

Tomorrow I hope to go to the gym and meet a friend for coffee on the way home. I am feeling better and will slowly return to normal but will not push myself.

With a compromised immune system, I have to be very careful. (Think of when you were in chemo and told to be careful with exposure to germs.)

Unfortunately, I hope to look forward to another 30 years of this. But I'm still here.

Heeding Advice and Enjoying Life

With any ailment, you get advice. Some of it is nice, sane, logical, and seems plausible - like rest, hydrate, elevate, ice it, if pain starts - stop what I am doing, etc. This is possible. You can do it. And some of it, not so much - keep elevated for at least 30 minutes out of each hour or at least 5 portions of fruits or vegetables with every meal. Really? I can try for that. And finally, some of it is just plain impossible - lose 30 pounds or non-weight bearing at all times for six weeks or anything that is just too restrictive to handle.

My point is I get a lot of advice from my doctors, and a lot of other people. I selectively heed it. I mean if I listened to everyone I wouldn't have a life, I would be really boring. And there is a point where I just can't do any more.

I have made the following life changes in recent years:

• I gave up smoking. I never was a heavy smoker (5 cigarettes a day) but I did smoke for a long time. 
• I exercise three times a week. I get 60 minutes of cardio and then 30 minutes of weights and resistance training, followed by stretching.
• I try to eat healthy. Fruit and vegetables are a big part of my diet. I also skip packaged food as much as possible. I avoid desserts and a lot of sugar as much as possible. I skip salt as much as possible.
• I pace myself and get rest and make sure I do not over do things. 
• I take my medications as directed, go to my doctor appointments, and listen to my doctors.

But there are other things I am not going to give up:

• Wine. I like drinking wine. I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. I do not go bar hopping (in fact I can't remember the last time I went to a bar). But I like a glass of wine.
• Red meat and bacon. I don't eat bacon cheese burgers all the time. But a nice steak on the grill or bacon for breakfast sometimes is nice.
• Gardening. I have been told not to sweep, vacuum, rake, mop, lift weights, bend down, or carry things. But I love my garden. I want to grow my garden (more healthy veggies). I can get myself in a lot of pain by gardening. So I leave all the heavy lifting to my husband but I get out in my garden every day I can.
• Bad TV and romance novels. Why not? Its my brain (or what's left of it) to rot.

What it comes down to is I need to be able to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy my food and drink. I want to do things I like to do. I can't be boring.

What if...

What if we just said f*ck it all and pretended were healthy? We might need to take our meds but what if we just went back to the way we were when we were healthy? I could go skiing, hiking, travel more, be thinner, and, most importantly, be happier.

Last night a friend was going to call me to chat and I fell asleep before she called (just after 8pm). Then of course I was up in the middle of the night thinking more deep thoughts, while feeling all my aches and pains, of course.

So what if all of us with  multiple ailments said 'I'm sick of being sick and am going to be healthy again and do all the things we want.' I would love to go hiking again. I climbed the Grand Canyon once so I'm good there but it might be nice to hike more in the Sierra Nevadas or Rockies where I haven't done much hiking. An adventure trip to Scandinavia sounds like a lot of fun as well. Or just stay up late enough to have a social life? Is this asking too much?

Right now my body would protest but I am tired of listening to it and want to say 'f*ck it all' and run away and join the circus.

All of us unhealthy people have inner healthy (skinny and younger) people trying to get out. I want to let that person out and have fun again.

I am actually very happy to get back to work.

Its been  a tough few weeks here in Massachusetts. We have gotten somewhere around 78" of snow this winter of which 40" since the beginnning of February, and all but 5" since mid January. I only know the details because I just checked today's paper.

That would be the elusive newspaper we have not seen on days with  more than 12" of snow.  I'm not faulting the paper because of the horrible driving conditions we have had as a result of the snow. I just miss reading the paper.

Between the snow that fell and the snow my husband had to pull off the roof in front, this is the view out our front window.

I have no hope of reaching the empty bird feeder before spring and have set up a substitute one on the much lower, but more accessible, lamp post. I keep cleaning out the snow that keeps covering it.

Both of us have had to stay home for two days for each of the last three weeks. I have gotten a lot of knitting done and learned some new patterns. I have gotten caught up on all my shows. I have done a lot more cooking than normal. My husband has gotten to a bunch of different tasks that have been put off.

I have not missed a single doctor appointment - they all seem to be conveniently between storms. I have missed a lot of work. I try to work 15 hours each week for a total of 30 hours paid every two weeks. I am down to 20 hours for the last two pay periods because of the snow days. 

I look forward to going back to work today so I can see other people besides my husband, and my neighbors who I have talked to and commiserated over snow issues. I just need to see other people and socialize a bit. I will also get to the gym for an update of my workout program.

And the forecast calls for an inch more of snow today, another 1-3" Thursday night, and a more significant storm on Saturday night. Instead of hints of melt between storms, we are going below zero. I can't wait.

Its Monday

I have nothing to say. I mean I had a nice weekend. I got a lot of craft stuff done to get ready for the season that starts in a few weeks and runs to the end of December. I had several thoughts that flew in and out of my tiny mind as potential blog topics but decided to end up with a list of them instead:

1. Ebola is not going to kill us all. You can't get it unless you are in contact with someone with the symptoms and there has to be some spread of bodily fluids. So stop scaring the crap out of everyone.
2. The nurse who is in quarantine in New Jersey needs better treatment. A tent in a parking lot? Really? Its unheated as well. Get her to her house and quarantine her there. I agreee with the quarantine and completely disagree with the way its being done.
3. There is a new test available today for screening for colon cancer. You get the test, get a sample in the privacy of your own home and send it off where they will see if the fecal DNA shows colon cancer signs in it. Two small catches: $599 and its not covered by most insurance and one of the doctors who discovered it, gets a royalty for each test sold. I have problems with the numbers part both the royalty and the lack of insurance coverage. 
4.  If you live within 165 feet of a 5 lane roadway, you could increase your risk of sudden heart death for women.
5. I am so done with pink this October.

Off to work and waiting for something to really inspire me today.

What to do about my boring blog?

My blog has devolved into something just plain boring, for lack of a better word. I will say I do not write for volume, I do not write for search engines or to build twitter followers or anything like that. I blog because it helps me cope with my devolving health. I do try to primarily write about breast cancer and related issues.

But my life has not been about breast cancer recently. Which is a good thing. I do not focus my life on breast cancer now. My life focuses on work, getting ready for craft fairs this fall, and coping with my back and RA issues as well as fibromyalgia pain.I have also upped my volunteer work to a level which is fulfilling.

I think I have gotten through enough of the breast cancer PTSD for now. It will never go away. I do know that. This month marks 33 years since my thyroid cancer diagnosis and that never completely went away.... (The answer to the question of does it ever go away is no.) But it does recede into your mind and make it easier to cope and live.  And allows room in my brain to focus on the rest of my life. And no there is no new me living a new normal. That is all a load of crapola.

So that is where my brain is so that is why my blog is boring. I will continue to blog and I will try to make it less boring.

Its Monday morning

I have to go to work. I have nothing interesting to blog about. I did have a nice weekend. Yesterday my husband and I went off for the day to walk on the beach and out for lunch. Saturday I went to the gym and got together with friends. Not the most exciting but enjoyable.

This week my goal is to not get over tired as I try to catch up from missing so much work at the holidays and make a dent in the huge pile on my desk. Last week I worked four days and was exhausted by the end of the week. This week I won't work as long a day each day - maybe 5.5 hours instead of 7. My normal work day is 6.

You may think I am a wimp but if I work too many days or too many hours, I end up exhausted. I'm such a healthy person.

Whoops!

I forgot to blog today! I slept late. Is that a good excuse?

One of those blog posts

This is my third try to write a blog post this morning. The first one was on quality of life post cancer treatment. The second one was on the s-word. The third one is on my day because I am not inspired to write about the first two.

Today is one of those days with a thousand things to do at home and around the house. My husband has a bigger list than me because I can't do all the things that need to be done. I am doing the laundry so I get points for that. And I will clean the kitchen in a bit so don't think I am lazy.

Last night we went out to dinner and got our desserts to go so we could eat it tonight. Well, I got on the phone with a friend and ended up eating my share of both desserts so I am feeling a little full this morning. I did eat some fruit and a yogurt but will find something more later on.

My back hates me again/still today. I take pain pills and suck it up. I could be cranky. But I'll skip that part for now.

Face it, I live a boring life and have no inspiration today at all..

Recent blog posts suck

Okay, I admit my recent blog posts suck. I have been busy. I have been sleeping. I have been working. We have house guests. Its the holidays. But my blog posts have sucked for longer than just this past week or so. I am not as inspired or as inspiring I guess.

The main reason for not having as much to say is because my cancer stuff seems to be falling more in the background. Which is a good thing. But its not that it has fallen in the background but that my other health issues are overtaking the cancer crap. Currently. I am sure my cancer crap will return to the forefront and upcoming doctor appointments. In some ways its nice to have multiple medical ailments because I can alternate my stress.

My recent doctor appointments have all been about my back and RA and fibro. But I have upcoming appointments in the next month or so on my back and RA and fibro where I can discuss how treatment is going and what are we going to do to change it, and alternatives, and all sorts of fun things.

But I also have upcoming appointments in the next month or so with oncologists and endocrinologists (with thyroid cancer you get an endo instead of an onc  most of the time). These conversations will be cancer related so I'll be able to stress about cancer again.

I need some time to find our more about some research which is new and exciting but the news these days is all about the stupid politican's cliff.

I digress.  My recent blog posts suck. I will work on them and attempt to be inspired more in the future.

I need an inspiring blog post

I haven't been very inspiring recently, not that I think I am that inspiring ever. Sometimes I wonder why anyone reads my blog at all but that is another story.

Its been almost five years since my breast cancer diagnosis. Am I supposed to have a party or something? I don't think so. I'm not doing much celebrating. I'm just not in the mood. I mean what is the significance of five years? Am I all better then? I was told breast cancer would take a year out of my life and then I would reach a new normal and life would go on. Well, it didn't really get to any new normal so my expectations for a life changing event at five years are some where in the basement.

Cancer swallows up your life and you learn to deal with it and continue to cope. But it never really goes away. So I keep blogging about my little medical misadventures. I am told people read my blog and like it (for whatever reason). Sometimes I hear that its nice to see someone who has lived for so long with cancer.

But then sometimes I hesitate to write about somethings. If I have been living with thyroid cancer for over 30 years but then all of a sudden need more tests, will I cause concern among others? Am I proof that cancer will doom us all?

No there is nothing new and significantly wrong with me that I know of. I survived my annual mammogram with no bad news or additional images required. But I didn't feel any big sigh of relief. More tests this summer. But that's nothing new. I always have more tests coming up. If its not one thing its another. I just have no inspiration to write about anything.

I have no inspiration this morning

I have put myself in to a corner. I always blog every morning and feel if I don't blog people will wonder what happened to me. I very rarely skip a day - only when I am far, far away from internet access - which still can happen. Last time that happened I had to leave the country. But now I feel guilt if I miss a day - am I letting down my loyal readers - who ever you may be? I know people read my blog (because I can see statistics that tell me how many of you there are each day) but I am not sure I know who most of you are.

I usually keep a mental list of topics to write about which is usually based on current tabs open in my browser. This monring I have three tabs waiting for me to write about - how the farm bill will affect consumers, the latest issue of Artemis from Johns Hopkins which is always good for some technical medical stuff, and an article where I am trying to dig up sympathy for the drug companies who claim they will have a bad year in 2012. I am just not motivated.

Maybe this is because I am over scheduled today. I hate it when I do this to myself but I have four appointments today which involve driving from one to the next. I also need to go to the grocery store, the drug store, and return something at HomeGoods. I really wanted to stop by the new consignment store I heard about. And I need to do some work today. Oh and my back hurts.

Otherwise, I am doing okay these days. I don't think I have blogged about my health recently. My biggest problem is my back these days (and that pesky cancer crap). I am having a radiofrequency ablation of nerves in my spine (heated needles stuck into my back while I am thankfully sedated) next Thursday which should help. Then I want to talk to my doctor about my pain meds which don't seem to be helping much. I do have a six month follow up and ultrasound with my endocrinologist coming up as well as a six month visit with my oncologist. I am just ignoring them until they happen. That is my superior 'fight or flight' mentality that keeps me sane.

But life goes on. I bit the bullet and upgraded to the new Facebook timeline without having a nervous breakdown. I am now ignoring the Komen/Planned Parenthood controversy as I blogged about it yesterday and got it out of my system. I believe there is a presidential campaign going on which I am ignoring. I also think there is a big football game this weekend. We will have some special snacks, I will read a book during the game, and watch the commercials until I get bored - which could only be in the first quarter. I have never figured out football and don't think I ever will but I am happy to explain the fine details of figuring skating and most of its new scoring system if you ever have a question.

That is my uninspired blog post. We will return to regular programming tomorrow (I hope).

Again I am not inspired

I am not feeling inspired this morning. Maybe because I have attempted to be a normal person for the past few days by working full days and then doing things in the evening other than sitting like a blob in front of the TV with my laptop. That cat likes me better when I spend a lot of time doing that.

I was so tired yesterday I wanted to go home from work and take a nap. Well, I got to lie down for half an hour and then go out to dinner with my family. Then when we got home my back hurt and I couldn't fall asleep so I took a pill and did sleep and feel somewhat better today. But of course something has to hurt - my tennis elbow is acting up so I am typing with a stupid wrist brace which leads to frustration and typos.

I did want to sleep late today but we are having a home energy inspection where our house will be checked for any way we can have energy savings. We already have new windows and use CFL bulbs but we have no idea what we have for insulation and our water heater is well aged and due to go shortly. A little professional advice might be helpful here. But I will have to take lots of notes so my little chemo brain doesn't have to remember everything. And I will NOT sign up for any expensive work to be done without consulting with my husband first. The good side is if we do any of the work they want, we get a 75% rebate up to $2000 if the work is done this year. Not that we have any spare cash because of vacations and kitchen upgrades. We'll just have to see what they say.

My level of inspiration is also lowered by the fact that my back hurts (what a surprise), I have yet another stupid skin rash (a souvenir of chemo), and there is a little bitty storm headed our way which will ruin all weekend plans of going to the beach. Maybe I should just take a nap and forget about everything but I have work to do meeting a friend for a walk, and then acupuncture for my elbow.

Life in general

Today I have nothing to blog about. I mean I found a few articles that interest me but I am not inspired to write about them. There is one about how MS drugs are priced too high and another about how Express Scrips is going to buy Medco and that will be a bad thing. And a third article about tall people being more likely to get cancer but they don't know why. But I am not interested. Maybe I'll have an apathetic day.

We are having a heat wave. Here in Boston, we are not equipped for heat waves. Its not like we are primitive, we do have air conditioning but our bodies deal with 0 degrees better than 100 degrees. When its 0, we can add layers indefinitely. When its 100, we don't like to walk around naked for fear of scaring the neighbors.

Today I am working from home and have to be very productive this morning. We have two window air conditioners - plenty usually for us. One is in our bedroom upstairs and one is in a downstairs room. My office is upstairs without an air conditioner. My desktop computer is in my office. It has the software and files I need to work on this morning. This might be an opportune time to move everything over to my laptop so I can work in front of the AC, but that would take too long. The cat likes the air conditioning. He has no desire to go outside today. But he wants to snuggle.

I am not having a good week. My back pain is having a good week. I am not scheduled to see my back pain doctor until Sept 13. I called yesterday and the only opening he has is Sept 2. I might call back today and take that - provided it fits in my schedule. I have to check my calendar.

Heat makes me crabby too. On the positive side, it might give me an excuse to play with the sprinkler later to water my plants. Actually my garden is having a good year. On Wednesday I had several cherry tomatoes and the larger ones are growing bigger and bigger. Peppers are coming in too.

So much for my apathetic ramblings today. That's about all I can deal with. Maybe I need an arctic vacation to recover from the heat.