Why Did I Feel So Bad?

I have good days and bad days. Little changes, like a poor night's sleep, can cause me problems for a few days. I realize that. Forgetting medication can really mess me up. Last winter I had a horrible cold and forgot to take my Lyrica for a few days. Then I started feeling even worse - the Lyrica hangover.... But then I figured it out and went back on it and felt better instantly.

I have been feeling bad off and on all week but mostly with in reason. Until yesterday. I woke up achy and sore. I didn't sleep well because I couldn't get comfortable. I had a throbbing headache. My hands were really sore on Friday - I couldn't knit because they hurt so much. By 9am yesterday, I decided I was spending the day in bed.

Then I found out my brother, his girlfriend and dog were coming for the weekend so I had to motivate. My brother has a standing invitation to come visit any time with or without kids, dog, girlfriend. Our guest room, a/k/a our finished basement is where people stay with a dog free overflow upstairs in a guestroom and the pull out couch in the livingroom. Before that text message, the basement was a disaster. All my knitting and weaving stuff was everywhere in piles, being sorted, finished, etc. So I had to motivate.

While motivating and cleaning, I realized that all my problems were pain. My pain is primarily controlled by a 7 day pain patch that I change weekly. I realized I had no idea when I had last changed my pain patch which probably means it was more than a week. I never remember what day to change it. I try to change it on the same day I fill our 7 day pill boxes but when I change filling our pill boxes because of some scheduling issue, that screws it up.

And I have no brain. I can't remember anything....

All I know is that I had so much pain yesterday that even after I put my patch on it took several hours to recover. The power of one little pain patch.

What did surprise me is the level of pain that I had.... I definitely need to talk to my doctors about that one.

I Can Be Such An Idiot

Let me tell you how much:

• Saturday I was at a craft show. At the end when I was packing up, I could not find my keys. Anywhere. I dumped out my purse twice, looked through everything I packed, checked all my pockets, several times. I was going nuts. I couldn't find them. I asked the few people that were left to see if any keys were turned in. Nothing. Finally, I was calling AAA and dumped out my purse again, and there they were. Talk about 45 minutes of stress!
• Yesterday while leaving a doctor appointment I pulled out of a parking space and clipped the car next to me. In front of the owners. My car only got a corner broken off one of the hub caps. Their car has a scratch on the bumper. They are going to see what the damage is going to cost and get in touch with me. I was mortified. How can I clip a car when I am pulling out forward of the space I backed into. MORON ME!
• Today I went shopping and after I was done and paid for my stuff, I couldn't find my keys. Again. I dumped out my purse again. I checked all my pockets. They weren't there. I asked at the desk to see if they turned in by anyone. The manager was helping me look for them. No where. He said I should leave my information at the front desk and they would contact me if anyone found them. Then I realized that maybe I left them at the register when I paid and I went back to check. They weren't there. But someone had found them outside and turned them in.

So how much of a moron am I? I blame chemo brain, fibro fog, and anything else I can think of in my tiny brain. 

I honestly believe that my ailments and all my medications cause memory and brain problems. Never mind aging, even though I am still 36. So if you want to be brainless, get ailments... They make life so much fun.

I really need more math

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday that resulted in the need for more math. I am currently weaning off one back pain medication.This is a six week process. I used to take one pill twice a day but to wean off it:

• I have two weeks of one pill once a day
• then two weeks of half a pill once a day
• then two weeks of half a pill every other day.

(I am a little confused where I am in this but I think I am switching from half a pill every day to half a pill every other day.)

This is in addition to my thyroid pills where I take a whole pill every day but Mondays and Fridays when I take half a pill.

So my doctor yesterday said in two weeks when I am done with the half a pill every other day of the one I am weaning off, I should add a new medication and start weaning off another medication where for a week I take one pill a day instead of two.

I am confused. I need to take notes. I put reminders into my phone. I use two daily pill boxes to keep track. I spend time every Saturday afternoon filling my pill boxes.

Maybe I don't need math. Maybe I need a brain.

Wallet, keys, brain cells?

In our house, those are the questions we must ask ourselves as we go out the door every morning. Wallet and keys go with out saying as you can't get very far without them. Brain cells are defined as:

- where am I going?
- what am I doing?
- when will I be home?
- am I dressed appropriately?
- did I feed the cat?
- did I lock the door?
- did I brush my teeth?
- did I take my pills?
- did I have breakfast?
- do I need lunch?
- sunglasses?
- water bottle?
- do I need anything else?
- and the list goes on.

The purpose of this question is to avoid that 'oh damn' moment 1/2 mile from home forcing a u-turn and a delayed start as we return for the rest of what we need. And to avoid the second and third or more 'oh damn' moments as it takes multiple tries to get out the door with everyone.

If I was 'perfect' (and a healthy person), this would never happen but as I am a 'sort of' healthy person with chemo brain (my excuse for the rest of my life), this is a daily occurrence. Today I am going to work so I need lunch, water bottle, mail I need to drop off, sun glasses (I think it will be a sunny day), cell phone, and probably a few more things before I can get out the door. I still need to brush my teeth but I have already taken my pills, showered, and eaten breakfast so I am feeling virtuous (for a moment or two). I might even leave early for work.

So where do I fit in?

I whine about chemo brain and lack of brain cells overall. Apparently now I am doomed. After age 50, your brain starts to shrink. So where does that leave me?

There are things you can do to reduce risk of memory loss.

- Dance - its social and exercise. It makes you interact with people and you get physically fit.
- Exercise - it grows your brain. Who knew you could reduce your waistline and increase your brain size simultaneously. This takes multi-tasking to a new level.
- Start young - I've been fairly athletic my whole life and my mother used to feed us lots of vegetables and tofu. We still eat lots of vegetables to my husband's dismay.
- Eat right - I usually do. 3 meals a day, minimal snacking, lots of home made, very little prepackaged.

Well I don't dance... I think I no longer have the coordination. But I do exercise, I have been fairly athletic my who life. I don't eat prepared food. I think I did got to a fast food restaurant this year while traveling but think we ate semi healthily.

But my problem is I am starting with lack of brain cells already. So where do I fit in if I am starting from last place? Examples of my lack of brain cells in recent days are:

- I spent two days looking for the damn spray bottle so I could work on blocking some knitting. I couldn't find it ANYWHERE. I looked all over the house. I asked my husband. I couldn't find it. I gave up and bought a new one on the way home from work last night. 15 minutes after I got home I found it on the kitchen counter, tucked into the corner right in front of me.

- I got to the gym the other day with a pair of sneakers to work out in. I had two rights, from different pairs.

- I ordered something online recently. It showed up yesterday. I stood there and stared at the package. What did I order? I couldn't remember. Was it a mail bomb? I had no idea. Then I opened it and realized I had ordered it.

Need more examples? I can go on. These are daily ocurences.Feel free to ask my husband. He finds my lack of brain cells extremely humorous.

A nicely non-eventful day

Well, it wasn't completely non-eventful but it was not traumatic or stressful, mostly. My husband delivered me to the hospital for my injection. As planned I was there early and had time for breakfast - yogurt and banana - before heading for my appointment. I told the nurse (both nurses remembered me - I think I am a frequent patient or something) before hand that I was hoping to avoid the previous outcome where the back of my leg hurt and I left in a wheelchair.

The injection itself is okay. They clean off your lower back and then inject a pain killer so you don't feel the needles. This can cause a little discomfort but not really. Then they stick in a big needle full of steroid which can produce amazing amounts of pain down the back of your leg and across your hip that goes away in about 20 seconds. Then they stick in a second needle full of synthetic cartilage which hurts briefly as it goes in. And then you are done. They bring you back out to sit and make sure no adverse reactions - in my case, I got to take a lap around the post op area - and they send you home with an authorized driver to bring you.

My sister drove me home and I took a recommended pain pill and did a little work before we took her dog for a walk. My (lack of) brain cells allowed me to set off the car alarm trying to get my cell phone out of the car, bring a shopping bag so I could buy cat food but forget any money to purchase it, and spend the balance of the day watching TV and crocheting on the couch. Eventually I made it back to Trader Joes for the cat food but that was it.

This morning I am relatively pleased by the lack of pain level in my right SI joint but it will take a few days. I am slightly displeased by the pain in the back of my leg but will follow the instructions and wait two weeks before calling them back with how I am doing. They want you to wait two weeks because the short term effects can be much different than the long term ones and those are more important. So I will go back to being the patient-but-whiney-patient for the duration.

Today I need to get my butt in gear and go to work this morning. I then have a busy afternoon of meeting a friend for a walk and then getting a manicure. I just need to decide what color...

Fact: Stress Erases Brain Cells

Last night I met my former support group friends for dinner. Its amazing that two years later, we are still meeting for dinner or coffee almost monthly. We all met in a weekly support group program for newly diagnosed when we were all in chemo or about to start. Now we get together to keep each other up to date and talk about all our medical crap.

As I was driving there, I was thinking about the fact that I had five medical things to tell them about. I got there, we got seated and I started talking (and was informed I looked a little stressed). I told them about my ankle and probably surgery. I told them about my lymphedema. I told them about my ultrasound. Then I was asked what are the other two things... I told them about my SI joint injection this morning. And I can't remember what the fifth thing is that I told them about. Stress has erased brain cells. I came home and told my husband and he asked what the five things were and I couldn't remember. He laughed at me. I blame stress.

As I mentioned this morning I am having a steroid and synthetic cartilage injected into my right SI joint. I can't wait. The injection does hurt. The feeling of the steroid going in can be relatively painful. Last time after the injection, I had significant pain in the back of my right leg and ended up in a wheelchair on percocet. I am hoping for not a repeat of that situation and am relatively stressed. However I have a pill for that and will take half of one before I go. The good news is I should be home by 10 am at the latest. I will look for my brain when I return home.

Aggravation and the return of brain cells and other things

Yesterday, call me slow, I received an appointment list in the mail from the hospital giving a list of my upcoming (and last week's) appointments. I thought about it and realized that my physical with my primary care physician had disappeared from the list. I checked and realized it disappeared from the appointment sheet probably in December - and I never noticed until now. So maybe I am slow.

Anyway, I called and was told yes your appointment was canceled due to a scheduling change by the doctor. I can understand this. These things happen. What I don't get is the following:

- They never rescheduled the appointment. They told me they only deal with cancellations about a month or two before they were supposed to occur.
- The doctor is booked until August and they can't schedule August appointments until Monday because that is February and they book six months out.
- So, if they didn't deal with my cancellation until March - the month before - would they be rescheduling me for September?

I tried to communicate this to the woman on the phone and she said 'dont shoot me, I'm only the messenger. They (the doctors) change their schedules and we (the phone people) take the heat for this.' Well that helped a lot. Of course you take the heat if you don't reschedule people for cancellations when they happen. Anyway, I got a few hours of sleep on Thursday night so I was nice and aggravated and very 'pleasant' on the phone. Monday I will call back and sort it out.

In the meantime, last August I reported losing all kinds of things and they have been reappearing. The missing down comforter was at the cleaners under someone else's name, the missing hydration pack was in the basement, and my missing yak traks were hidden in the closet and I found them yesterday. This is very important as locally, we are living on a glacier with glare ice everywhere. If only I could find my brain cells. Then I would be happy.

Today I am off to be educated on how to be a good volunteer for the American Cancer Society in a three hour training session this morning. Actually I think it will be interesting. But I could have slept late today. Perhaps crabbiness will reappear. These days my husband is quick to point out the return of the crabbiness. My back only hurt a little last night so I did sleep a fair amount which helps this situation.

A friend is also coming over for a walk on the bike path which was plowed after the last storm. But then it rained and froze and the portions of it in the shade are skating rinks. Yesterday I tried walking and nothing like water on top of ice to make things interesting. This made me determined to find the yak traks. Brain cells, where are you?