My insides and retraining my brain

Do you ever give much thought to your insides? I mean your gut basically. My insides have been feeling out of whack for the past few weeks. I have been blaming my new rheumatoid medication which can have the lovely side effect of nausea.

Last night, we went to a comedy show in Boston, something we never do. I did research and found an affordable parking garage near the venue so we could just zip in and zip out. It was easy and convenient and one of the most vertical parking garages I have ever seen. It had 11 levels. Each level was probably 15 spaces long and 8 spaces wide with skinny little driving lanes - typical Boston.

When we left the concert, I was trying to get my phone turned on so I could figure out our way out of the maze of downtown Boston full of one way streets. My husband drove down the 6 tight floors of four turns each down to ground level. I felt nauseous after two minutes of that. My insides felt all shaken up.

We drove home and went to bed. My insides do not feel that great today either. Obviously it must be the car ride.

But with many ailments under my belt, so to speak, I am quick to blame medication so my brain doesn't have a chance to jump to any other medical roller coasters. I can live with that.

After cancer, our brains start to take every chance they can to head for the highway to hell. We need to outsmart them and divert them to some thing much less scary. I keep focusing on retraining my brain so I keep my sanity.

Keeping the brain alert

Keeping your mind alert is supposed to help with memory and other effects of aging. I hae always been a fan of crosswords and sudoku. Six years ago while I was in chemo a friend told me I needed a hobby (so I would stop calling her so often to whine I think) but she meant well.

I had learned to crochet, knit, sew, and embroider back in elementary school a long time ago.  About 14 years ago I decided to ask my sister in law for help in relearning crocheting as she is very crafty. I started a baby blanket. In chemo it then made sense to try crocheting again. I made scarves for the whole family. Then I added knitting and made scarves for lots of friends. Then I kept knitting.

Now I have millions (not exactly) of scarves and cowls (infinity scarves) to sell. So I started going to craft shows to sell them (so I can buy more yarn).

Now when I go to craft shows I ended up in so much pain that I had to spend the day in bed yesterday. I do feel better but still achy. So I am keeping my brain active but my body may not be able to keep up. Anyone want to buy a scarf?

The 'poor me' attitude

With all my ailments (but I really am a healthy person) sometimes its hard to avoid the 'poor me' attitude. I hate using all those words like surviving, battling, fighting, blah, blah, blah. But some days nothing goes right. There can be one of those fun medical adventures with the wrong results or something new decides to crop up or return or I simply get up on the wrong side of the bed so to speak. (Which one is the right side and which is the wrong side - I have never really understood that one).

Anyway some days its hard not to get dragged down into the 'poor me' crap. I do not use the oh-so-insensitive terms of survivor or warrior or whatever. I am a person living with cancer and a bunch of other medical ailments.

This poor me business can also be helped along by the 'well intention but clueless' who ask things like 'and how are you feeling today?' or 'what does your doctor say now - are there any new treatments?' or 'I would have thought they would have cleared that up by now' or 'will that never resolve on its own?' I try to avoid those people.

I know people mean well but sometimes they really do not understand at all. I have many things which cannot be fixed - lymphedema, back pain, bursitis, two cancer diagnoses - that I am stuck with so you don't need to remind me thank you. Your poor attitude is infringing on my life. May be its 'poor you' instead.