I forgot to get excited

There were two recent events where I forgot to get excited. First I forgot one of my cancerversaries last week (9 years if you care). My other cancerversary is in August and will be 35 years. I try not to focus on them in my life. My life is not about cancer. Its about me. And I don't want to focus my life on cancer.

Then I forgot National Cancer Survivorship (S-word) Day which was yesterday. I seriously think this is a 'Hallmark' holiday. Something some marketer came up with to sell more 'crap' (I mean 'stuff'). Are people supposed to send cards, chocolates, and flowers? Should we have parties with balloons, cakes? And can we name it without the disputed S-word?

I didn't get excited so I really just forgot them both.

No I don't care

Sunday is my cancerversary. I don't really care. At all. What would I be celebrating? Still being here after breast cancer. Not really. I probably should celebrate my 34th cancerversary from thyroid cancer. But I don't either. I have considered that one but never have done much.

I can understand why some people want to celebrate being around after their lives were turned upside down. I have a friend who is I believe 8 years out from stage IIIC lymphoma. I have another friend who will be 34 or so years out from stage IV ovarian cancer. Those probably deserve more celebrating but I am not even sure either of them do.

What I do prefer is to celebrate my 37th birthday (again - I was 29 for a long time but have since switched to 37) this year. My life is not defined by my health but by me. In fact, I cannot let my life be defined by my health. I am so much more than that.

Those 'cancerversaries'

How important are those cancerversaries? To me not very much. I have never really celebrated one with a party or anything. I think I sort of mentally marked some of them - many of them I forgot completely. I do know some people who celebrate - maybe they have later stage cancers where another year is unexpected after their diagnosis. Its their choice.

I am not sure where the five year thing came from - its the standard in clinical trials - but it has now become our basis. 'The five year survival rates are...' They don't tell me anything more than reducing me to a number. I am not a survivor and I am not a number - both of which come to play in that single phrase. I am a person. I don't plan on celebrating my five years from breast cancer diagnosis this year any more than I plan on celebrating 32 years since thyroid cancer diagnosis. Why? They are numbers. They do not begin to describe my life.

At one point I had plans to celebrate 20 years and then 30 years since thyroid cancer but have never bothered. I don't think I ever considered myself a number in that respect.

Also, I think the five year thing is completely misleading. I think triple negative breast cancer (I had ER/PR+, Her2-)  is mostly likely to recur during the first 18-36 months after diagnosis. So what does that five year mark mean for a woman with triple negative? Five years isn't really the important number. Thyroid cancer has been known to recur 30-40 years out so what does five years mean there?

I guess everyone can make their own choices and my choice will not be to have a party.

That five year mark

So the question arises - why five years? Why was five years selected as the survival rate time frame used in cancer statistics? I mean why not 3, 7, 6 or 4? I have no idea. This year I will reach the five year mark with breast cancer and I am not jumping up and down with joy. I think it will be just another day. I don't divide life with cancer into five year increments. Life doesn't get broken down into five year increments. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays annually. But communist countries have five year plans. Is life with cancer broken down into five year plans as well?

In the past five years I have lost a few friends to cancer. One was lost to triple negative breast cancer which I have since learned if it is going to recur it usually does in the first 18-24 months. She only made it about 4 years from her diagnosis. So why five years for that? She and others like her just become part of the ones who didn't make it when you look at the statistics.

When I was diagnosed in 2007, a Boston area TV newscaster went public with her diagnosis and is now talking about her five years with cancer. She is also frustrated by the lack of a cure so far. It was nice to follow her treatment as she was a few months ahead of me. Its now nice to see that she is doing well too but acknowledges how her life has changed.

I am just not sure I understand why they selected five years as the increment for life with cancer as life goes on day by day.

Happy 4th Birthday to my blog

My blog is four years old today. This means my breast cancer diagnosis was four years and two days ago (it took me two days to figure out that I wanted a blog and how to get started). I was told breast cancer is a year out of your life. Well why am I still blogging? More importantly why are you people all still reading whoever you are?

And the year out of my life has stretched out into four years. Not due to cancer but due to the fact that my body has decided it is not ready to be healthy any time soon. It started with a little lump, two surgeries, and chemo and I had a new lump which meant another surgery. Then radiation which was followed by unrelated abdominal pain which turned out to be a hiatal hernia and gall stones which led to gall bladder surgery. Then my back started causing problems, I sprained my ankle, fell on my knee, blood pressure and pulse issues, and I am sure I missed a few other things in there but it will suffice to say that they have been dealt with in a couple hundred doctor appointments, medical adventures, tests, and physical therapy sessions. Needless to say I still have lots more of cancer cootie detection sessions in my future.

But I am still here and still writing and for some reason all of you are still reading.

On a more positive note, yesterday's medical adventure which was to be part one of three, turned out to be part one of one. Apparently the injections have to be put through to insurance as a three part series but once approved my insurance will cover it as a single injection. I said so you mean I wouldn't have to come back two more times? I was all for that.

The injection itself wasn't bad and the nurse was very good at distracting me. I was told it wouldn't hurt after - well that was WRONG. It wasn't pain, it was pressure inside my knee to the extent that I couldn't straighten or bend my leg fully and it was more painful than before. Apparently I also looked like I might pass out so they made me stay there with an ice pack for about 30 minutes until the color returned to my face. And they offered me juice, ginger ale, crackers, and water several times.

I eventually hobbled out to my car and drove home with an ice pack on my knee and ended up on the living room couch for the evening with my ice pack. Today its a little uncomfortable but not bad. I have no big plans for the day on purpose so I will take it easy and ice my knee some more.