Blogging about others.

I blog about myself and my oh-so-healthy-body. I don't really blog about other people and their stories. I mean I occasionally whine about a co-worker or a doctor or a rocket scientist that did something earth shattering utterly stupid. Crooked politicians, medical researchers, and scammers also hit my blog once in a while.

But I do not blog about other people and their medical ailments. I have family members who have their own health problems. But that is their story too tell. Its not for me to tell.

But Frances over at Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog writes about blogging as a way to share experiences, about their health problems or life and about others when they are terminally ill - as a way to cope.

I do feel it is their story to tell. Also, if all of a sudden I started blogging about another's health and someone who knew the family member but not about their ailment would find out about it through me and not through the patient.

Am I making sense? Sometimes I wonder. I believe that if you get an ailment, unless you are under 10, you should take responsibility to tell who you want to know. There is a line of privacy. Imagine if you are a high school student and you get diarrhea (a moderately embarrassing ailment at that age), do you want anyone to know? Should your mother's note say - he was sick and couldn't come in. Or should it spell out the intimate detail of mad dashes to the bathroom?

The same thing goes for the rest of your life. Its your body, you get to decide who knows what. I don't want to be the one to tell. If someone wants to write about your ailment and you don't want them to, they should start a private journal and not share it. That's their problem and not yours.

And its your choice to decide when and if to tell your story. I think I blog about this a lot but I think its important to me as well....

2/2 - I'll add an update and a clarification based on Frances' comment below. The way I read her blog post was that blogging about others illness is a way of coping. From my point of view I would never write about another.

Holiday gifts!

Christmas is not about gifts. It is supposed to be about the spirit of giving and enjoying the season and all that. However Christmas gifts are given and received and are supposed to be enjoyable. But not always.

There are always the BAD gifts. You know the ones you want to regift them. That really ugly sweater. The electric wine bottle opener. The seventh calendar for the same year. The ham that was the biggest joke at a Yankee swap last weekend.

Or the gift of spending too much time with family members where all those old childhood issues begin to resurface as the time lengthens.

But then there are the nice ones. The things you really wanted and appreciate. Or the fun and unexpected ones.

Or then there are the other gifts - the unappreciated ones like back pain, foot pain, and more. I'll take a pill and a nap.

Looking for holiday spirit

Its the holiday time of year. Holidays are fun. They are supposed to be enjoyable. You are supposed to anticipate them. I am not sure I have much holiday spirit this year. It seems to be missing

Now I am not the religious type so telling me its about the birth of our savior will not too much for me. But I can appreciate the significance for others.

You can tell me its about Santa - I stopped believing the year I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and saw my parents putting gifts under the tree. Santa also had suspiciously familiar handwriting.

You can tell me its about gifts. I am at the age where the last thing I need is more stuff. I mean there are things I might secretly covet, light a big, counter top stand mixture, but I really do not have room for one and wouldn't use it often enough to really need one.

There are other things I want - like to lose that pesky 30 lbs or be healthy again. If you can figure a way to give me both of those and find a cure for cancer, I would be most appreciative. And don't forget world peace while you are at it.

Don't get me wrong on gifts, I will give and get some. For my family I have long been on the road of edible, home made items. None of them complain about that either.

My husband and I have stockings hung (including one for the cat so he doesn't feel left out - it does have two cans of cat food in it which he may or may not eat depending on his mood) that will fill up mysteriously. We will also give each other a few gifts but we don't over do it.

My brother will show up a few days after Christmas and we will have a second Christmas with gifts for my nieces and nephews. That will be a big chaotic meal and may even include a Festivus pole - but we haven't gotten very far in the planning.

Yesterday we were the recipients of a fair amount of holiday spirit. A good friend has an annual holiday party with a Yankee Swap which includes an astonishing amount of alcohol and sports gear. We ended up with a twelve pack and a bottle of wine and a non-winning scratch ticket. But we also had fun and had lots of Christmas cheer.

On Wednesday we will have a fancy Christmas dinner with my parents, aunt, uncle, sister, and brother in law. We will eat too much. There will be some alcohol consumed. We will toast to the holidays and missing family members. We may even attempt a Skype session with out of towners.

But we will not really exchange gifts. Because holiday spirit isn't really about commercialism to me. I feel sorry for the people who are running around today because they feel obliged to find something to purchase for great aunt Bertha who they haven't seen or heard from since last Christmas. A big fat credit card bill is not an important part of holiday spirit.

What I need to do in the meantime, is figure out when I can get to the grocery store to buy the necessary food to make a fancy meal for us and how to fit all of us at the dining room table. Somewhere there will be some holiday spirit, I am sure.

I made it

The past six weeks of my life have been indescribably stressful and fatiguing for numerous reasons. All I needed to do was get to November 21 (which is today you will note) and I can relax and life will go back to its normal pace. The reasons for my stress were:

1. Both my parents had health issues - the exact issues are their stories to tell, not mine but I will say they both have a long road ahead of them but they should be fine in the end.
2. I had three craft fairs recently which took entire days out of my weekends and made me want to crawl back into bed for a week after each.
3. I have had a few minor medical issues to deal with but they are dealt wit. Its just the time that it took to deal with them.
4. I volunteered for a six week research project which helps with breast cancer research as part of the DOD research programs. It was enlightening, optimistic, and enjoyable. But it was a lot of work and ended up with the past three days spent in a hotel outside Dulles airport in meetings discussing things. 
5. I can't remember the rest but there was a lot going on my life.

Sadly I must say that an old friend of mine was strangled by her husband this week and her two babies were killed as well by her husband who then took his own life. It was a very sad occurrence that requires a certain amount of mourning to cope.

Now that I have a little more time in my life, I can take some needed time to reflect and reassess after such violence hits so close to home.

I made it through a very hectic time and can take some time to mourn before the holiday next week.

More research is needed

I ended my experiement and found that more research is needed:

First of all I should have done a bit more planning. I would have found that it is really 380 miles to visit my brother, not 300 miles. I turned on the GPS in my phone and realized I was wrong. Crap. Not a good way to start.

Then I should have brought more water with me. I brought one little bottle and ended up having to buy water - I hate buying water because of they are all the single serve ones (which should be outlawed as far as I am concerned).

I also have some questions for the FastLane/EZ Pass people. In Massachusetts, they are 15 mph lanes. In New York, they are either 20 mph or 5 mph. There was one toll plaza which alternated 20-5-20-5. Go figure. I have no idea either.

If one wants to go shopping on their drive, one should make sure the stores are open. I stopped at one outlet center because it was right off the highway, I wanted to run one errand and it was almost 1/3 of the way. The store is listed on the outlet center's website but when I got there, there was a little asterisk which said *Coming Soon. There was no asterisk on line. A little truth in advertising, please.

Another helpful tip is to combine potty breaks with refilling the gas tank. Its stupid to make two separate stops.

It doesn't help if you bring yogurt to eat in the car if you do not pack spoons.

The weather should have cooperated better. It snowed from Albany all the way through Syracuse not really sticking but enough to make visibility fairly poor and to have crap being thrown up from the road by the other cars. (And the stupid pedestrian who was standing on the median strip on I-90 at mile post 234 trying to cross in the snow storm, I hope you are okay. I did call 911 for you.)

I found that I needed new wiper blades as they did not clear a round area right in front of the driver's face so I needed to lean right or left, or stretch up or scrunch down to see during the snow.

Oh and on being tired, did I survive. When I arrived, I was exhausted. My right arm and shoulder were fairly tired. It is hard for me to drive with both hands on the steering wheel the whole time. One handed driving seems to work better (except when in the snow). Once I arrived, I was happy not to drive for most of the weekend.

Running around after four kids did tire me out all weekend. My brother made fun of me for going to bed early (brat). But I had fun with the kids too.

The ride home I was very tired and found my husband wasn't feeling well. I rested and then went out for a few essentials. We both went to bed early and feel better, but its snowing very hard so we are going nowhere. A good day to catch up at home and spend some time together.

Before my next trip, I will do more research, bring more food and water, and make sure I have good wipers. I'm not sure how I will do on a longer drive, even without snow.

Thoughts on blogging

Now that I have been in the blogging business for nearly five years, it is time to sit back and moment and think for a bit. When I started blogging it was to keep people informed of my medical adventures with breast cancer so I wouldn't get all those phone calls and go through the latest tidbits from my most recent 'episode' and then possibly get asked questions that I might not be ready to answer.  But my friends and family didn't really become blog readers.Well there are a few that read my blog regularly and fewer now. (They don't follow directions very well I guess.)

So I got through breast cancer treatment and I was supposed to be a healthy person again living in 'my new normal' whatever that was and then supposedly I would stop blogging, go back to work full time, and blah, blah, blah. But we all know that's not how life works, that being a healthy person thing didn't really start up again. First I had gall stones and then my gall bladder out. Then my back started to hurt. Some where in there I sprained my ankle, got tennis elbow, and fell on my knee, the bursitis in my hip never really went away -in fact its doing quite 'well' from its point of view. I went on a few million more doctor appointments and kept blogging.

And my audience kept growing. I really don't know who all you people are who read my blog. I know there are readers as Google Analytics don't lie. I can say hi to Mary in France who is one person I know who has read my blog almost daily since its start. I can say hi to Robin in Cambridge who I think is a fairly regular reader, except when she is off on one of her vacations - a perk of retirement. My mother used to read my blog often but has switched to following me on Facebook. My sister in law reads it from time to time and then tells my brother when he needs to read it - but he sometimes just calls me instead. Leah reads it sometimes as well. I have a relatively new but fairly regular reader from CTCA. A few other people I know from elsewhere tell me sometimes they did read my blog for the first time in a while.

But who the hell are all the rest of  you? I have no idea. But thank you. I like all of you. Well most of you. The people who leave me information on the cures for cancer if I just visit their website, you can skip my blog, thanks.

Blogging has taken a life of its own. If I didn't blog every morning, what would I do instead? I have no idea at this point.

Part time vs. full time

If you are a patient, you are a patient 24 hours a day. Your doctor works 8, 10, 12 hours a day, more or less. This leaves you with no way to contact your doctor for 12-16 hours a day - never mind weekends. And now, heavens above, doctors want to work part time? What is the craziness? Maybe they are looking for work/life balance and a bit of sanity. Well, some people have a problem with this.

In general, more women and men are working part time while their children are young so they can be parents. So why shouldn't doctors? I don't see a problem with this - a doctor who is trying to be a professional and a parent who is allowed some flexibility in their schedule might actually be less stressed and more able to focus on the patient's needs.

My oncologist is just back from maternity leave. While she was out, I met with her nurse practitioner, who is now out on maternity leave herself. At my appointment, there was an issue and she consulted with my primary care immediately so there were no questions.

When I need to see my primary care for an issue that day, often she can't fit me in, but since she is in a group, I can see another doctor in the same group for prompt care. If there is an issue after hours, there is always an on-call physician so I can be a patient 24/7. (Personally I try to avoid on-call physicians because they often say 'you need to go to the ER' and I will not ever go to an ER again unless I am dripping blood and if I don't hear them say that I can safely ignore the instructions.)

Back in the days of the family doctor who made house calls and was available 24/7 for their patients, doctors were independent and you just had to wait until they were available or go elsewhere for care. (Did they ever get vacations?) Now modern medicine is developing a group practice so doctors can be human beings and see their families, be parents, and have lives outside the hospital.

I think a part time doctor is just fine. I just wish I could be a part time patient too and be healthy some of the time.

But I don't really like broccoli

The one thing I have in common with the former President George H.W. Bush is that I am not a huge broccoli fan. I eat it, sometimes. But not all the time.

My parents have an on-going issue with broccoli. My father is convinced it is good for him and he should eat it regularly - a couple times a week is fine with him. If he goes to a grocery store, he will come home with broccoli. If he goes to a restaurant which has a dish with broccoli in it, he will order it. My mother, on the other hand, would prefer to eat it less frequently - once a week at most.

Bad news for my mother. The latest research shows that broccoli and other cruciferous vegetables contain Sulforaphane, one of the primary phytochemicals, which has been shown for the first time to selectively target and kill cancer cells while leaving normal prostate cells healthy and unaffected. If my father learns this, I am afraid he will want it daily. That would be pretty darn boring as far as I am concerned.

Additionally, "The findings, made by scientists in the Linus Pauling Institute at Oregon State University, are another important step forward for the potential use of sulforaphone in cancer prevention and treatment. Clinical prevention trials are already under way for its use in these areas, particularly prostate and breast cancer. "

Luckily there are lots of other cruciferous vegetables out there to eat besides broccoli. A partial list from wikipedia includes: horseradish, collard greens, Chinese Broccoli, cabbage, brussel sprouts, broccoflower, cauliflower, kohlrabi, bok choy, komatsuna, mizuna, broccoli rabe, flowering cabbage, chinese cabbage, napa cabbage, turnip (roots and greens), rutabaga, Siberian Kale, mustard cabbage, arugula, water cress, radish, daikon and wasabi. We have been eating komatsuna and mizuna recently as I can get them from our local farmer's market. We use horseradish as a condiment regularly and cauliflower, kohlrabi, bok choy, kale, radishes, arugula and others cross our table fairly frequently. So I will skip the broccoli and stock up at the farmer's market for the summer.

I have a few ways of cooking all these greens that I like. I usually start with some sesame oil and toss in some chili paste for some zing. My brother in law likes to put vinegar on his which is also pretty good. And since everything is better with butter, that's always another option.

I am a fan of eating right but sometimes I think that if I ate the 'right things' all the time, all I would eat would be the 'right things' and not be able to fit in the other foods that I really like to eat without completely going off my diet. But I can fit in more green vegetables through the summer when they are fresh and tasty. But I'll skip the broccoli when I can.

Yes, my mother reads my blog so I am sure I will hear about this.

On how many levels is this wrong?

A woman was diagnosed with cancer and a relatively bad diagnosis. Her husband asked his boss for flexibility so he could attend treatments with her and offered to work nights and weekends. He was terminated as a result. How wrong is this?

Now, as the article says it may not be illegal but it certainly is not moral or ethical.

A long term employee made a request and it was declined. They now have to replace him and will bear a burden of hiring and training a new person. I bet the transition will cost more over time than keeping someone who is working odd hours. Never mind what this will do to company morale. Maybe others will leave as a result as well. I mean what if one of their family members got sick and they wanted some flexibility to take care of them? They would have gotten their answer in this episode.

I would never work for that company or do business with them as a result of this action. Who wants to deal with a company who treats people this way? What would you expect from them in a business deal if this is how they do business?

Do you think their business will take a hit as a result? I think so. If you read the comments online apparently they took their general email address off their website - probably as a result of being inundated.

A few of the comments refer this as being a need for national health care. Its not really. Its a need for common decency.

Assuming there is another side to the story, the company was asked for their point of view on this. Their only statement is that it is a private personnel matter. Well, its not exactly private any more so to protect their business they need to do some damage control.

This is so wrong. I hope he gets a job soon as a result of all this publicity. I hope the company takes a hit in the bottom line. I hope the woman who fired him is disciplined in some way - even let go herself. And if I was him, I would not want to go back to the company. Ever.

Life with Caller ID

Back in the dark ages, when we were growing up, we all had dial telephones that were leased from Ma Bell (talk about a monopoly - what a ripoff) but then came the great AT&T breakup and all the baby bells. Then we got fun options on our phones (anyone remember paying for touch tone access - or are we still doing that?). Then came answering machines and then voice mail and then the ultimate spy thing - caller ID. We could screen our calls.

Now does anyone answer their phone without looking at the little window to see who it is first? Or for the really lazy who have voice announce caller ID, wait to hear who it is before moving a muscle towards the phone? We always know who it is who calls and only answer the ones we want. Its dinner time, its a friend, you don't answer. Working at home, its your employer, you don't answer. Working at home, its your spouse or friend, you do answer. (Do you screen your friend's calls or only some of them???)

Friday I went out to work for a few hours and I came home and there were two messages which had a caller name of Unknown. Who is 'unknown'? I have no idea. (Well, duh, its unknown.) But the hospital when they call is often 'unknown' but why would they call me? I don't have an appointment for 10 days (and then I have five visits during the month of September alone). Now someone else could have called twice who is 'unknown' but I really don't know who it could be. However with my health issues, its probably some stupid doctor... If its important, they'll call back (and I won't read anything else into the 'unknown' calling me).

Yesterday, we actually went to the horse races and had a good time. We met the wedding party for my sister's wedding next year and had cake for my father's birthday. We also bet on horse races. I picked my usual highly skilled method of 'I like the horse's name/color of jockey silks/name of trainer' method and came out ahead $9.80. My husband did great research and bet based on scientific analysis and came out about the same. Needless to say we aren't quitting our day jobs anytime soon to be gambling addicts. But we did have fun.

Today, we get to deal with car salesmen. Do you think we will run into rocket scientists???? Probably.

Recombobulated today

Well, I think I am. Yesterday morning my brother was here with my older niece (10) and nephew (9). My nephew woke up early and had some cheerios. Then I offered oatmeal. He picked out the flavors and I made it. Then he wouldn't eat it. My brother woke up and we had to carry the old table in the corner of the dining room to the basement and bring in the three sections of the new table (my grandmother's). We did this working around my nephew and his oatmeal. Then my niece woke up and my brother was making her oatmeal. I said 'why boil water when you can use the microwave?'. Voila, the answer to our problems. My nephew has never had nuked oatmeal and that is why it was different and he wouldn't eat it. How was I supposed to know? Any how in all the confusion, I never really read the paper or watched the news - what I usually do in the morning to wake up slowly.

Today, I will go for my walk and read the paper. I have already watched some of the early news. I am drinking coffee and going for a walk. Then I have to go to work, come home and work for contract stuff and leave to go fishing for the weekend.

This will be interesting. It is for breast cancer survivors (I hate that term - call me a breast cancer person instead). It is free. It is catch and release (someone else has to take any caught fish and release them for me). If it is awful I can claim gall bladder attack (see how convenient this could be?) and hop in my car and go home. I have heard very good things about these retreats. I expect that I will not catch any fish. Fly fishing in salt water???? But the weather forecast is relatively good. And its on the ocean in August on Cape Cod. and its FREE.

Unfortunately, Walter comes home tomorrow while I am gone. Poor planning but originally he was coming home on Sunday but then his flights were changed. That's okay. He will have a day to take care of stuff that accumulated while he was gone.

Now I did have another rocket scientist (or Darwin candidate) sighting the other day. Okay, well maybe just a stupid idiot. I went to the library. I parked next to a big ostentatious SUV. They had left it running. Why idle a parked car??? Hello, gas is expensive these days? Well, they did because their dogs were in the car. Maybe they should have either left the dogs at home or parked in the shade with the windows open. Stupid idiot.

Another Darwin candidate rode his bike yesterday. First, he slowed down at a red light and then ran it. Then he made a left turn in front of me without looking for traffic. I did stop to avoid him but I am not really sure he even noticed there were other vehicles on the road. Unfortunately, I believe there are more Darwin candidates and rocket scientists out there than we care to imagine.

All discombobulated today

Today I am all discombobulated. My brother and his two older children are here overnight and leaving this morning. I am used to being by myself in the mornings I guess. Also, we had to move furniture around as he brought me our grandmother's dining room table. And I stayed up too late. Now I have to rush off for work but will go for a walk later. See my life is really boring these days.