That awareness thing

Am I the only one on the planet who thinks we do not need more awareness of different cancer types? I mean yes there are some really obscure ones that need awareness and more treatment as well as metastatic cancer definitely needs more options. But really, do we really need an unending calendar of fashion shows, races, walks, and other events?

I may be cynical but I think most of us are too aware of cancer these days. Or is it just me because it has been part of my life for so long?

Why am I so tired?

I am tired. A lot. I need naps. I am sure a doctor will tell me its due to fibromyalgia or rheumatoid arthritis. All I know is I need a nap. I slept almost 12 hours last night and feel that I need a nap later today.

Yes I will talk to my new primary care on Monday but I still will take naps. Its not just that I need naps, I don't have the energy to do a lot of things I want to do, such as see friends.

But I digress. Its been a busy day so far and its not even noon! I'll have to fit in a nap later.

Why do people read my drivel like this? Its awful.

How confident am I on my health?

This is a tough subject for me. I am at a point where I feel okay most of the time but am not sure I feel well enough to make significant changes. I mean should I look for a new job? At my current job, there are some pluses and some minuses. The negatives are things like commute distance (farther than I like), lowish salary - decent but I wouldn't mind more (who wouldn't?). The pluses are total flexibility in my schedule and I am an established employee.

If I left my job I would have to establish myself somewhere else and have no seniority. If my health acted up and I couldn't work for a week or so (not an unknown event), would I jeopardize it? I am hesitant to look for another job because I am not sure I am healthy enough to establish myself at a new one.

On the other hand, I see my new primary care on Monday and I do NOT expect anything new and unexciting in my health. I don't think I have any bad things going on (but not to jinx myself or anything).

The 'joys' and solitude of a second cancer

When diagnosed with a first cancer, we are all gobsmacked, appalled, overwhelmed, stunned, depressed, shocked, awed, overrun, and more as a result. You struggle through treatment and the ensuing body changes and emotions and slowly return to that so called 'new' normal and life resumes.

Then when cancer, the 'gift that keeps on giving', shows up again, you start all over again. It can be a dreaded recurrence or metastases or you can start all over again with a new cancer. Second cancers are not recurrences but new primaries. Such a joy. Not really.

When my second cancer showed up, in some ways it put me back to where I was emotionally but I was better prepared for it emotionally. And I was more proactive in coping with it. I joined support groups, on and off line, got therapy and worked hard at accepting this new health disaster.

However, I was basically the only one I knew who had had two cancers as me. Actually I know one other person in the world who had both breast cancer and thyroid cancer. (I know there are other people who have had these two cancers because it is not that uncommon that they show up in the same person but the only person I could connect to was in Europe.) We were both in the same online support group. She posted a message asking if anyone had had both and I responded.

With one cancer, you can find a ribbon to support you, a group of people like you with the cancer, and you can all bond with each other. Or you find a group of people have had a single cancer and you all can talk about the joys of treatment. But with a second cancer, you become an outlier. Most people only get one cancer. The multiple diagnoses are much fewer.

This is starting to change. New research (because we always need more research) shows that one in five cancer diagnoses are second cancers. In the 1970s only 9% of cancer diaganoses were second cancers. There are many reasons for this:

"About 19 percent of cancers in the United States now are second-or-more cases, a recent study found. In the 1970s, it was only 9 percent. Over that period, the number of first cancers rose 70 percent while the number of second cancers rose 300 percent.

Strange as it may sound, this is partly a success story: More people are surviving cancer and living long enough to get it again, because the risk of cancer rises with age."

So since I was young to get my first cancer, before age 20, and young to get my second cancer, before age 50, am I doomed to get more cancers? But at least it won't be as lonely as this second cancer rate continues to rise.

More than one ailment

So I read the news, a lot. And probably I read too much news and especially health news - searching for the elusive cures. But in reading the news, I see lots of different opinions and announcements as one would expect.

Two things caught my eye this morning. One reminds us that breast cancer is not the main killer of women. Its heart disease. While we cover the world in little pink ribbons for breast cancer, we need to remember heart disease and other ailments are out there as well and that also kill people.

Another article I read is about a woman who blogs about life with fibromyalgia. I read the article and then thought for a few minutes (a dangerous proposition I know). Yes she is struggling with fibromyalgia. But there are people out there, like me, that have fibromyalgia and additional ailments. So those struggles with fibromyalgia are piled on top of issues with other ailments or issues.

When we are diagnosed with an ailment, it becomes the hyperfocus of our lives. But we need to realize that we are not the worst off, there are many others who have their own pile of problems, including poverty, mental illness, and more and are in much worse shape.

Imagine life with your pile of ailments and issues and compound it with additional ones such as poverty, lack of health insurance or transportation, isolation, or other issues.

I make myself sometimes peel off my layers of focus on my life and keep the awareness of others who are worse off.

Back to work....

Today I am back to work after almost three weeks off. I had to dig around to find a pair of pants and haven't yet found my shoes. Summer vacation means shorts, sandals and sneakers, not long pants and work shoes. Our lunches are made (yes I make lunch for both of us every week day) but the nice cat is out so I have to get him back in before leaving. The evil cat is busy plotting our demise....

Yesterday I had a good PT appointment. The therapist thinks that I probably didn't damage any major ligaments and probably only the meniscus, which sometimes does not require surgery. It depends how it heals and how badly it was damaged.

Also my rheumatologist thinks I am doing pretty well - this means no blood work for two whole months and no follow up for three months. Sometimes I have blood work every two weeks and appointments every six weeks so this is much better.

Finally my therapist is an idiot. Okay maybe a little harsh but she doesn't seem to understand my family dynamics so it  was a fruitless discussion. She may become my former therapist shortly. After every appointment with her, I wonder why I am still seeing her. But I try to manage the amount of change in my life and next week I see my new PCP for the first time. So the jury is still out but its not looking that good for her. The real decision is do I still need a therapist.

But now to find the cat and my shoes so I can go to work. Maybe they missed me....

Physical therapy

This morning I finally will start physical therapy for my knee, nearly four weeks after falling. I have opted to have my PT at the gym instead of through the hospital. There are several reasons for this.

First of all, after my initial appointment, I can do my PT on my own instead of having to juggle three more appointments each week. I just don't have the patience for that. When I have PT, I do my exercises every day. Most physical therapists have told me many patients only do their exercises at their sessions.

Second of all, its free. I won't get three sessions each week for free but I will get a session every week or two, and free advice when I want. Yes I have health insurance but I can save the copays, and save my insurance company their share. This makes it a win-win (I hate that term) situation as far as I am concerned.

Last of all, I have had PT for my knees several times so I am aware of what to expect. I know my biggest problem won't be which exercises to do but which ones I am able to do. Between my back issues and hip bursitis, I physically can't do many of the exercises.

So much fun, more than I deserve.