Has A Cancer Diagnosis Changed How You Think?

I was reading over at KatyDid Cancer that she turned 41. After being diagnosed with breast cancer before 35 she was never sure she would get to 40, or 41. (But now she is thinking 50.)

This made me think. How do I think about how long I will live? And how would I think differently about how long I would live if I had never had cancer?

At 19 (and invincible) I had no thought of how long I would live. Because I was barely an adult and between my freshman and sophomore years of college. And longevity was the last thing on my mind. I just assumed it would be shorter than without cancer.

At 45 I was more responsible and married with a second diagnosis. The thought of how long I would live definitely popped up again. But what was most concerning was how would I have thought differently if I had never had cancer? I have struggled with this one: how had my life been impacted by cancer which was something I never wanted. 

During the intervening years my thought processes had changed of course. But how would I have thought different if I never had cancer? I never really had a chance to be an adult without cancer so I have no idea on what I would have thought.

But since I can not undo the past, I have to settle with my current thoughts. Which doesn't give me any good answers.

Taking a mental break

I am traveling this weekend. I went to my college reunion (partly to prove to former classmates that I am not dead yet - but they are concerned about my health and some believe they should protect me safety cones and a rope around me so nothing happens).  Its nice to see them again. We are staying in the dorms and eating in the dining hall just like way back when.

Its also a mental break from the stresses at home. I need a few days away where my health can be ignored while we reminisce.

We had a discussion last night on reasons for happiness. Money isn't important, but more feeling content, enjoying what you do and being able to get a sense of satisfaction from giving back in some way. It was interesting. Money doesn't buy happiness once you can pay for a roof over your head and put food on the table.... just some food for thought this morning.