Tuesday, May 8, 2018

After Cancer Coping With The Instant Cancer Bond

So after you get diagnosed with cancer, it seems like everyone you know has cancer because:

You have met a lot of other people going through cancer treatment while hanging out at chemo, in support groups, your oncologist's waiting room, etc. That part is kind of nice. You find out you aren't alone in this cancer business. You have an instant bond with new friends.

Then you start hearing about all these other people who are diagnosed with cancer. You feel like you are supposed to be their friend too - because of that cancer bond thing again. Your cancer friends tell you about everyone they know when they are diagnosed with cancer because they have cancer and you have cancer so you can talk cancer all the time. And then it explodes, you meet and hear about more and more people with cancer and this cancer bond obligation doesn't quit. If someone you know  knows someone else with cancer, they expect you to become new best friends because you have that cancer bond so you must be alike.

If let unleashed, you will become swallowed by guilt that you are supposed to be friends with cancer people everywhere. But you have to learn to control the guilt so it doesn't swallow you.

I remember in college, I had thyroid cancer between my freshman and sophomore years. It was sort of an open secret - one some levels a lot of people knew I had cancer but no one talked about it. Back then cancer was evil and you were guaranteed to die soon.

Early in my junior year (I think), a male student I knew showed up at a party with another male student who I knew but not very well - who was now in a wheelchair dying from a brain cancer. It was a small school but we didn't have much in common. But now wait, we both had cancer so we could bond. How awesome! Not really. I felt it would be rude to excuse myself too soon because no one else wanted to talk to the guy in the wheelchair. But I also felt very much put on the spot because this instant cancer bond was there.

Finally I think I excused myself to get another beer or something. But I had felt trapped. Our mutual friend had trapped us together hoping to improve his dying friend's life by taking him to a party.

It was just awful. I felt guilt but there was nothing I could do. I did not want to talk to this guy anymore than he wanted to talk to me, we were not ready to compare cancer notes.

Another part of cancer coping is learning to manage that instant cancer bond. You can't let it suck you in so you get attached to every person in the world who has cancer (through that six degrees of separation thing) and bear their emotional burden of cancer. The guilt is killer.

While its nice to meet people with cancer and talk to them, you can't let it take over your life.

10 comments:

Anna said...

Nice post.

Unknown said...

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Dawson Ella said...

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Unknown said...

WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are David
Clara I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of
breast cancer and her name is David Sandra I and my family have taking her
to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to go to
the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady
called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a
herbal man who has the root and half to cure all kind of disease and the
herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man for my
younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him
my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be
cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that
I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how
can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me

That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for
the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier
service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week
complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not
knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the
miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the
herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he
didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him
and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if
you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from
the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com/ drsakuraspellalter.wordpress.com or whatsapp him
+2348110114739 for the cure, he will help you out with the
problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me
davidclara223@gmail.com or whatsApp me +1(209)2621918

LEONERDO DICAPRIO said...

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Robert Mary said...


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That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid
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courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to,
before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a
dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very
happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5
million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad,but I don't know why he did not accept the offer,he only said
I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now
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SOPHIE LEWIS said...

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Unknown said...

WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are David
Clara I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of
breast cancer and her name is David Sandra I and my family have taking her
to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to go to
the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady
called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a
herbal man who has the root and half to cure all kind of disease and the
herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man for my
younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him
my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be
cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that
I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how
can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me

That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for
the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier
service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week
complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not
knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the
miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the
herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he
didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him
and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if
you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from
the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com/ drsakuraspellalter.wordpress.com or whatsapp him
+2348110114739 for the cure, he will help you out with the
problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me
davidclara223@gmail.com

Cooking Recipes said...

Thanks for this great post it's very useful
Health tips: Cabbage can help reduce bowel cancer risk

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