Vay-kay-shun. Yes, vacation. I am going on vacation. Well, I am taking two trips. One driving this weekend to visit family and then return home to fly to the Midwest to visit friends. This is a new concept. I haven't been anywhere on a plane since a business trip more than a year ago - to Chicago when it was 7 degrees. Needless to say I think the weather will be a bit better now.
This is clearly a new concept for me. Things to take on vacation - lots of books, camera, bathing suit (well, maybe), brain cells, prescriptions. Things not to take on vacation - stress and medical worries. Things to do on vacation - eat yummy food (well as fat free as I can), stay up late (I will really try), get out doors, sleep late (not sure how well I will do with that), and have fun. Things not to do on vacation - go to see any medical professional. I will have to work on all of this to make sure I have fun.
I am really looking forward to getting away. I may not work full time now but I really need a break from everything. Walter gets to come with me on the first part but then he will be home by himself (well, with the cat) for the second part. They will just have to tough it out without me.
In the meantime, I have lots to do to get ready. I have to finish packing to leave today, which includes laundry. Then I have to sort of get ready for leaving again. We return Monday night and I have an early flight on Tuesday - mental note - find itinerary so I go to the right terminal at the airport at the right time. This means unpacking, laundry, and repacking as well. In addition, I have work to do, meeting a friend for a walk, and cleaning the house, watering the plants, and finding the damn list of everything else I need to do before I leave.
Yesterday's doctor appointments went fine. I was told my biopsy incision is healed up nicely. It was fatty necrosis - if you Google this you will find out it commonly occurs after breast surgery, sometimes it goes away and sometimes it doesn't but it is basically a benign condition. However, I get to go back for another mammogram in six months with another follow up. Wah! I want a doctor to say 'you are fine, come back in a year'. (They didn't ask if I had any falls recently so I wasn't forced to lie.) I did get to do lots of quality waiting. I had to wait about half an hour for a 2 minute appointment with the surgeon. Then I had to wait an hour for an appointment with my therapist. I was there for three hours. To recover, I went for a walk.
Well, I can sit here and play on the computer or I can get moving to get everything done this morning. I think I am slightly less inclined to procrastinate as I am going on vacation. Its not like a doctor visit or work, where the motivation is just not there.
I will have limited computer access while gone so I may not update anything but I will be back at the end of the month - just in time for another appointment!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Lies and the medical profession
No, this is not about the big deal things - does it cure this or that or cause fatal complications. This is about the other lies. Face it, we have all lied to a medical professional.
Do you really, really, really, really, really floss twice a day? Or you are human like the rest of us and have forgotten a time or two... or ten? But do you tell your dentist you floss every day? What about fried food and red meat? Of course you have a healthy diet! That steak and fries you had last week don't count when you talk to your doctor about taking care of yourself. You also exercise regularly. Well, you mean to. You talk about going to the gym or running or walking or whatever daily but do you do it? What do you say to the doctor? Yes, I exercise daily. See, these are all little lies we tell the medical profession without meaning to.
On the other hand, we get lied to in return. Some of my favorites are: 'The doctor will be with you in just a few minutes.' Thirty minutes later you are counting the holes in the ceiling tiles in the exam room wondering if they have forgotten you. 'You will only feel a pinch.' Yes, that light saber sized needle you stuck in me only hurt for a second. Or the slight variation 'Its a painless procedure as we numb the area first.' But you used those giant needles again. 'Any side effects you feel will go away in the next few days.' Did you mean weeks, months, years?
Lying just happens. Now sometimes we do stretch the truth for our own benefit. Yesterday, I caught my sandal and tripped and fell down (yes completely down but on soft grass and no one saw me and I only have a couple little tiny scrapes). If they ask me at the doctor today 'any falls recently?' I will probably say no. If I say yes, I get a little label in the system 'fall hazard' and if I am admitted for anything I have to wear a special bracelet (basically labeling me as a klutz), and cant get out of bed without assistance. Not that I plan on getting admitted any time soon.
This isn't to say that lying is a good idea. However, if I tell the truth on this one, it will make things more complicated for me. I will just deny it and pretend it didn't happen. This is a trick question and they don't always ask it. Basically, I know I am a klutz and don't need a label on my medical file to remind me. Also, I am not sure there is a cure for klutziness (any more than there is one for the common cold or cancer).
Going back to my previous sentence: pretend it didn't happen. Wouldn't it be nice to just pretend the past year of my life just didn't happen?
Enough about that. What am I up to today? Going to work and then two doctors at Lahey. What fun. Can't wait. But maybe my steri strips will get taken off. If they don't, they will fall off in the next day or two.
Also, now I don't have to be the technology wienie any more. The show I watch ended last night and I watched the tape this morning. It only took two tries to set up the VCR correctly. Maybe we need to invest in some easier technology before the next season starts in the fall.
Do you really, really, really, really, really floss twice a day? Or you are human like the rest of us and have forgotten a time or two... or ten? But do you tell your dentist you floss every day? What about fried food and red meat? Of course you have a healthy diet! That steak and fries you had last week don't count when you talk to your doctor about taking care of yourself. You also exercise regularly. Well, you mean to. You talk about going to the gym or running or walking or whatever daily but do you do it? What do you say to the doctor? Yes, I exercise daily. See, these are all little lies we tell the medical profession without meaning to.
On the other hand, we get lied to in return. Some of my favorites are: 'The doctor will be with you in just a few minutes.' Thirty minutes later you are counting the holes in the ceiling tiles in the exam room wondering if they have forgotten you. 'You will only feel a pinch.' Yes, that light saber sized needle you stuck in me only hurt for a second. Or the slight variation 'Its a painless procedure as we numb the area first.' But you used those giant needles again. 'Any side effects you feel will go away in the next few days.' Did you mean weeks, months, years?
Lying just happens. Now sometimes we do stretch the truth for our own benefit. Yesterday, I caught my sandal and tripped and fell down (yes completely down but on soft grass and no one saw me and I only have a couple little tiny scrapes). If they ask me at the doctor today 'any falls recently?' I will probably say no. If I say yes, I get a little label in the system 'fall hazard' and if I am admitted for anything I have to wear a special bracelet (basically labeling me as a klutz), and cant get out of bed without assistance. Not that I plan on getting admitted any time soon.
This isn't to say that lying is a good idea. However, if I tell the truth on this one, it will make things more complicated for me. I will just deny it and pretend it didn't happen. This is a trick question and they don't always ask it. Basically, I know I am a klutz and don't need a label on my medical file to remind me. Also, I am not sure there is a cure for klutziness (any more than there is one for the common cold or cancer).
Going back to my previous sentence: pretend it didn't happen. Wouldn't it be nice to just pretend the past year of my life just didn't happen?
Enough about that. What am I up to today? Going to work and then two doctors at Lahey. What fun. Can't wait. But maybe my steri strips will get taken off. If they don't, they will fall off in the next day or two.
Also, now I don't have to be the technology wienie any more. The show I watch ended last night and I watched the tape this morning. It only took two tries to set up the VCR correctly. Maybe we need to invest in some easier technology before the next season starts in the fall.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Eeek!
Its bathing suit season. Now last year I was exempt from bathing suit season because of surgeries and chemo. This year it has returned for me. But now I have more scars! Unless I start wearing a wet suit they will be exposed. And the entire area that was radiated now turns bright red if I go into the sun - even if I am dressed. What's wrong with that? Its a giant rectangle of redness from my neck down to my stomach and halfway across my chest. Not exactly a subtle reminder. Apparently this shall eventually pass. But it might take a few years.
In addition, my stomach isn't any flatter than it was two years ago. That is when my then four year old niece, upon seeing me in my bathing suit, said that it looks like I was growing out of my suit and I should get a new bigger one.
I am going on vacation and will be out in public possibly in a bathing suit. Either I can get a wet suit, warn the crowds not to look, or find a miracle diet that will make me thinner in the next 48 hours. Hmmm... None of these look like very good options do they?
Well in addition to bathing suit season, its also baby duck season. I took my camera with me when I went for a walk yesterday and saw two. (I wonder if they know they are living in the same pond as the giant snapping turtle.) Normally, if I take my camera, it means I will see no wildlife but apparently yesterday was an exception.
Today I have lots and lots to do. I have to do some work, meet my mother, run errands, get my nails done, start packing for vacation, meet friends for a walk, call the doctors office to confirm my appointment, and I can't even remember the list. It would help if I could find my list that I wrote down so I wouldn't forget.
But yes I really, really, really, really am going on vacation. We are going to visit family for a long weekend and then I am flying to Minnesota to visit a friend who has borrowed a house on a lake (there are 10,000 lakes there so its nice to know we could squish in on a tiny corner of one of them). Ten days of travel. I have to pack for both trips separately. I have to get organized - now that's a challenge for my little chemo brain.
My steristrips still itch. I can confirm they will fall off while I am on vacation.
In addition, my stomach isn't any flatter than it was two years ago. That is when my then four year old niece, upon seeing me in my bathing suit, said that it looks like I was growing out of my suit and I should get a new bigger one.
I am going on vacation and will be out in public possibly in a bathing suit. Either I can get a wet suit, warn the crowds not to look, or find a miracle diet that will make me thinner in the next 48 hours. Hmmm... None of these look like very good options do they?
Well in addition to bathing suit season, its also baby duck season. I took my camera with me when I went for a walk yesterday and saw two. (I wonder if they know they are living in the same pond as the giant snapping turtle.) Normally, if I take my camera, it means I will see no wildlife but apparently yesterday was an exception.
Today I have lots and lots to do. I have to do some work, meet my mother, run errands, get my nails done, start packing for vacation, meet friends for a walk, call the doctors office to confirm my appointment, and I can't even remember the list. It would help if I could find my list that I wrote down so I wouldn't forget.
But yes I really, really, really, really am going on vacation. We are going to visit family for a long weekend and then I am flying to Minnesota to visit a friend who has borrowed a house on a lake (there are 10,000 lakes there so its nice to know we could squish in on a tiny corner of one of them). Ten days of travel. I have to pack for both trips separately. I have to get organized - now that's a challenge for my little chemo brain.
My steristrips still itch. I can confirm they will fall off while I am on vacation.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Conversations
Me: Where you last night?
Cat: Licks paw.
Me: How did you get out?
Cat: Blank stare.
Me: What did you do outside all night?
Cat: Closes eyes.
Me: Don't you know its dangerous for you to be outside?
Cat: Looks at floor.
Me: Do you have any idea how worried we were about you?
Cat: Inspects toes and washes ear.
Me: Weren't you scared outside?
Cat: Walks away.
Talk about an exercise in futility. All he wanted when he came back in was food. He was no where to be found inside yesterday morning but when Walter opened the dining room window, there he was outside. We have no idea how he got out but either:
a) a burglar broke in and let him out and took nothing else (they could have tidied up the living room while they were here - that would have been helpful)
b) he has learned how to open doors (and close them behind him - but he will probably never learn to close a door).
c) he was in the front entry when we went up to bed and he just pushed open the storm door (learned through the chipmunk incident last summer).
C is the most likely option.
Another exercise in futility was going to the doctor yesterday. Well maybe not futility, but frustration. It was a follow up for the mystery rash with the dermatologist. After rushing over there, I find she is running 30 minutes late officially, which meant 1 hour late unofficially. I saw the LPN for a couple minutes and the doctor for about 30 seconds. The consensus was I have sensitive and dry skin. Try the really strong prescription stuff she had given me on all irritated areas for no more than a week at a time. Use lots of moisturizer all the time and moisturize when skin is dripping wet. Even though Dove is a really good soap for dry skin, maybe switch to Oil of Olay body wash.
However, I didn't get any follow up appointments. But they don't know what causes my skin irritations and rash either. So I guess it was good I have no more appointments but it would be nice to know what I have.
Today I have opted to work inside in air conditioning and am saving my errands for tomorrow's promised lower temperatures and lower humidity. I will get out for a walk this morning as well. If I go early before it gets too hot (temperatures expected mid-90's again with high humidity), its not too bad. I really have to get organized for vacation - but its been too hot to think. I guess I will procrastinate for another day or two.
My steristrips itch. Grrr!
Cat: Licks paw.
Me: How did you get out?
Cat: Blank stare.
Me: What did you do outside all night?
Cat: Closes eyes.
Me: Don't you know its dangerous for you to be outside?
Cat: Looks at floor.
Me: Do you have any idea how worried we were about you?
Cat: Inspects toes and washes ear.
Me: Weren't you scared outside?
Cat: Walks away.
Talk about an exercise in futility. All he wanted when he came back in was food. He was no where to be found inside yesterday morning but when Walter opened the dining room window, there he was outside. We have no idea how he got out but either:
a) a burglar broke in and let him out and took nothing else (they could have tidied up the living room while they were here - that would have been helpful)
b) he has learned how to open doors (and close them behind him - but he will probably never learn to close a door).
c) he was in the front entry when we went up to bed and he just pushed open the storm door (learned through the chipmunk incident last summer).
C is the most likely option.
Another exercise in futility was going to the doctor yesterday. Well maybe not futility, but frustration. It was a follow up for the mystery rash with the dermatologist. After rushing over there, I find she is running 30 minutes late officially, which meant 1 hour late unofficially. I saw the LPN for a couple minutes and the doctor for about 30 seconds. The consensus was I have sensitive and dry skin. Try the really strong prescription stuff she had given me on all irritated areas for no more than a week at a time. Use lots of moisturizer all the time and moisturize when skin is dripping wet. Even though Dove is a really good soap for dry skin, maybe switch to Oil of Olay body wash.
However, I didn't get any follow up appointments. But they don't know what causes my skin irritations and rash either. So I guess it was good I have no more appointments but it would be nice to know what I have.
Today I have opted to work inside in air conditioning and am saving my errands for tomorrow's promised lower temperatures and lower humidity. I will get out for a walk this morning as well. If I go early before it gets too hot (temperatures expected mid-90's again with high humidity), its not too bad. I really have to get organized for vacation - but its been too hot to think. I guess I will procrastinate for another day or two.
My steristrips itch. Grrr!
Monday, June 9, 2008
A retrospective into the last ten days or why I feel like Chicken Little
Well, maybe it was a little longer than the last ten days. Anyhow, this latest trip around the roller coaster started a few weeks back when I thought I found a lump. This causes my stress level to inch increasingly upwards. Then I had the bad mammogram which turns into more stress. Followed by each day to wait for each test and their results, my stress keeps going up and up. It was slightly relieved by the discussion with the doctor before the biopsy that perhaps we didn't need to do it. However it didn't end until I got the second phone call on Friday giving me the results. This week I feel mostly back to normal but still am finishing out the roller coaster. But I do feel like Chicken Little. My increased stress caused undue stress and concern by others. But now we know it was all unfounded. While I do appreciate the concern, I just wish it didn't happen - that I didn't have the little adventure in the first place.
Every doctor visit now turns into a stress inducer - what if they find something else? For example, I had that stupid rash which basically went away. But the last patch on my leg ended up with a big dry patch of skin around it. Then I got a rash on my arm last week which I thought was poison ivy or a bug bite. I covered it with a bandaid with cortisone and some tape to hold the bandaid on so I wouldn't scratch it while sleeping and voila - I have a big red irritated rectangle on my arm where the tape was. I also have another area of irritated skin. I was going to cancel my follow up dermatologist appointment today but now that I have new things appearing, I will go and see whats going on. In the meantime,I keep my stress level down and pretend they aren't going to find anything new. But the last time I was there she was muttering things about eczema or psoriasis. Grr... Not that they are terminal but they would be annoying.
Then I have another trip back to the surgeon later this week for a follow up on the biopsy. Which even though we know it was benign, it must have been a something... So is there any more follow up? I don't know? I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really want a clean bill of health from a doctor. I haven't had one of those in a long time.
So you see, this little roller coaster I am on intensifies with each doctor visit. In the last ten days or so my stress level on a scale of 1-10, probably reached an 11 (just think about the amps on Spinal Tap). My goal is get two doctors this week to tell me that I am okay for now so I can go on vacation and relax until my next doctor appointment in three weeks.
In the meantime, today's stress inducer is where is the cat. We can't find him this morning. He didn't sleep with us last night. He usually demands breakfast and attention in the morning and is no where to be found.
Every doctor visit now turns into a stress inducer - what if they find something else? For example, I had that stupid rash which basically went away. But the last patch on my leg ended up with a big dry patch of skin around it. Then I got a rash on my arm last week which I thought was poison ivy or a bug bite. I covered it with a bandaid with cortisone and some tape to hold the bandaid on so I wouldn't scratch it while sleeping and voila - I have a big red irritated rectangle on my arm where the tape was. I also have another area of irritated skin. I was going to cancel my follow up dermatologist appointment today but now that I have new things appearing, I will go and see whats going on. In the meantime,I keep my stress level down and pretend they aren't going to find anything new. But the last time I was there she was muttering things about eczema or psoriasis. Grr... Not that they are terminal but they would be annoying.
Then I have another trip back to the surgeon later this week for a follow up on the biopsy. Which even though we know it was benign, it must have been a something... So is there any more follow up? I don't know? I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really want a clean bill of health from a doctor. I haven't had one of those in a long time.
So you see, this little roller coaster I am on intensifies with each doctor visit. In the last ten days or so my stress level on a scale of 1-10, probably reached an 11 (just think about the amps on Spinal Tap). My goal is get two doctors this week to tell me that I am okay for now so I can go on vacation and relax until my next doctor appointment in three weeks.
In the meantime, today's stress inducer is where is the cat. We can't find him this morning. He didn't sleep with us last night. He usually demands breakfast and attention in the morning and is no where to be found.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
It was freezing cold
Welcome to summer in New England. The
temperatures were expected to hit 90 so we went sailing. I was wearing a sweat shirt because it never got hot out on the water. But as soon as we went ashore, it was hot. Too bad we missed it! That's okay. Today and tomorrow are supposed to be hotter. Last year, due to my fun and adventures in the medical world, I didn't get to go sailing at all so it was especially nice to go this year. I can't do as much in terms of hauling in the sheets, halyards, and mooring and dock lines but that's the work part. I also got tired enough that I took a nap. I haven't taken a nap in months. I try to avoid them so I sleep better at night but I guess I was a little tired from this week's roller coaster. (I took this picture lying down inside on the dinette and looking straight up the
mast.)
I couldn't go out for fried clams either - my traditional post sailing meal. I had grilled chicken and a baked potato instead. Not quite the same thing. We rushed home to watch the Belmont Stakes and actually turned on the TV about at the half mile point so we got to see the end. Too bad there's no Triple Crown this year again but hopefully Big Brown will be okay. (I only follow the Derby, Preakness, and Belmont on the day of the actual races. I think I read Black Beauty and Man O'War too many times as a child.)
Today I am going out for a walk before the heat kicks in and then lots of chores to do. Wah! But not weeding. It will be too hot for weeding. I will let the little weeds grow for now.
It is very exciting after 3 years my peonies are finally blooming so I had to share. However I planted six plants, 4 made it, and only two bloomed.
temperatures were expected to hit 90 so we went sailing. I was wearing a sweat shirt because it never got hot out on the water. But as soon as we went ashore, it was hot. Too bad we missed it! That's okay. Today and tomorrow are supposed to be hotter. Last year, due to my fun and adventures in the medical world, I didn't get to go sailing at all so it was especially nice to go this year. I can't do as much in terms of hauling in the sheets, halyards, and mooring and dock lines but that's the work part. I also got tired enough that I took a nap. I haven't taken a nap in months. I try to avoid them so I sleep better at night but I guess I was a little tired from this week's roller coaster. (I took this picture lying down inside on the dinette and looking straight up the
mast.)I couldn't go out for fried clams either - my traditional post sailing meal. I had grilled chicken and a baked potato instead. Not quite the same thing. We rushed home to watch the Belmont Stakes and actually turned on the TV about at the half mile point so we got to see the end. Too bad there's no Triple Crown this year again but hopefully Big Brown will be okay. (I only follow the Derby, Preakness, and Belmont on the day of the actual races. I think I read Black Beauty and Man O'War too many times as a child.)
Today I am going out for a walk before the heat kicks in and then lots of chores to do. Wah! But not weeding. It will be too hot for weeding. I will let the little weeds grow for now.
It is very exciting after 3 years my peonies are finally blooming so I had to share. However I planted six plants, 4 made it, and only two bloomed.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
A day of technological snafus
Yesterday was a good day with my good results. But it was a day full of technological snafus. As I said, it started with no internet access. Then I was supposed to have a work call at 9 am. The doctor's office called at 9 am and during that 3 minute phone call my work call came in and went straight to voice mail. Then some mysterious person called my cell phone and didn't leave a message - I hate that. I think its a Lahey clinic phone number but they changed their phone system a few years back and the old number, if any number at all, shows up in caller ID, so you don't know what number to call back. Then the surgeon's office called to reschedule my follow up.
I also am on an email list where I receive messages in digest format. for some reason yesterday, I missed some digests. This leads me to ask did I miss other email messages - like the important work related ones I am waiting for? Grrr... Technology and me. Grr, grr, grr.
Speaking of technology. I once again failed to record my favorite show on the first try this week. I set up the VCR on Tuesday night for Wednesday night's show. Well, I thought I did. On Wednesday, it wasn't set up to tape anything so I had to reset it. You would think I was trying to go to the moon or something with the number of tries it takes me. Anyhow, this week is the last episode of the season so maybe I can learn new skills over the summer. In the meantime, I am blaming chemo brain.
Today the big plans are to go sailing we hope. The big news, well the other big news, is that my peony is finally about to bloom. Only 3 years later. I will post pictures (of course). Yet even more big news is that I got my hair cut again. What is so news worthy about this is that it seems that more of the gray hair was trimmed off. Its still curly and somewhat resembles a sheep's butt, but has some style now as well.
I also am on an email list where I receive messages in digest format. for some reason yesterday, I missed some digests. This leads me to ask did I miss other email messages - like the important work related ones I am waiting for? Grrr... Technology and me. Grr, grr, grr.
Speaking of technology. I once again failed to record my favorite show on the first try this week. I set up the VCR on Tuesday night for Wednesday night's show. Well, I thought I did. On Wednesday, it wasn't set up to tape anything so I had to reset it. You would think I was trying to go to the moon or something with the number of tries it takes me. Anyhow, this week is the last episode of the season so maybe I can learn new skills over the summer. In the meantime, I am blaming chemo brain.
Today the big plans are to go sailing we hope. The big news, well the other big news, is that my peony is finally about to bloom. Only 3 years later. I will post pictures (of course). Yet even more big news is that I got my hair cut again. What is so news worthy about this is that it seems that more of the gray hair was trimmed off. Its still curly and somewhat resembles a sheep's butt, but has some style now as well.
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