A TV station we need - or proof that my mind is gone

We spend too much time with screens in front of us - tv, smart phone, laptop, desktop, net book, etc.We are a world of couch potatoes. But there is a tv channel we need. The Cancer Channel. Think of the shows:

- How to manage your medical team - including finding and firing doctors, choosing treatment locations, etc.
- Procedures - each episode features a different one and ends with a deciphering of the results and what it means
- Selecting medical facilities - single vs. double rooms, private bathrooms and showers for in patients, parking logistics, time and distance between you and the hospital, food quality - cafeteria vs. in patient, gift shop selection of books and magazines, in room television, internet, cell phone, and wifi use. These are the important things. If nauseous in chemo, the last thing you want to do is spend 2 hours in traffic to get there.
- Chemotherapy - types, whole dose vs. split doses, side effects, hair loss, neutropenia, and the ever popular nausea & vomiting, etc. Also, things to do to pass time while hooked up to the infusion - Cosmos anyone?
- Radiation - or how to lose any remaining sense of modesty as they permanently scar your body internally and externally.
- Clinical trials for patients - how to find one, how to figure out if one is right for you, benefits and issues with enrolling in them - basically is there a chance in hell it will help you or not - and how to make sure you get the new treatment and not the old one (that would be skewing the data but what the heck we only get one choice).
- Deciphering clinical trial results - and this must be done without the use of the phrase 'additional research will be required to provide an answer' in any episode
- Eating during treatment - preparing yummy food - the only requirement is to eat things that seem like they will stay in your digestive system for the appropriate amount of time
- Tumors - how to make them your friends and not your enemies
- Creating, evaluating, and executing bucket list items - if you want to climb Mt Everest, jump out of a perfectly good airplane or off a nice safe bridge, get moving.
- Looking good in treatment - not just ACS's Look Good Feel Better class but stylizing with lymphedema sleeves, chemo pumps, and other medical devices. Let's not forget covering and exposing surgical scars - connect the dots anyone?
- Living wills - its all about you, what do you want - 'Go on, baby, and pull that plug!' vs. 'For as long as possible' - your choice but you gotta make it before someone decides for you.
- Regular wills - how to plan the biggest bash of your life and you don't get to go, casket or cremation, and where to be put. This last one is important - one of my grandfathers refused to be buried near the relatives he was mad at when he died. Also, how to make sure the relatives you don't like don't get your stuff or only get the stuff they think is ugly.
- Coping with stupid people - you know the ones who say 'is that a wig?', 'are you going to die?', or just point and whisper from across the room and no longer talk to you in case its catching (just cough in their direction).

There is so much more as well. This could be great. My requirements there that all hosts or whatever they all show a sense of humor at all times and are honest about everything. Humor is key. One more requirement - no use of the S-word - its becoming politically incorrect in many circles.

Maybe this is really telling me that A: I spend too much time watching TV, B: I spend too much time thinking about cancer, and C: My mind is really gone.