Things that drive me to distraction

There are many things in life that drive me to distraction (or just plain crazy). This includes my medical crap. I mean I can stew and stress about it (which apparently I do, if you ask my husband). I really try not to but sometimes it just looms as the giant elephant in the room - particularly before doctor visits and before and after any follow up tests.

Instead of worrying about myself, I try not to worry about my friends either. I have too many friends with recurrences of their cancers. And some online friends who aren't here any more. It can be very difficult. What do you say to someone who is in their early 20's and has been told their cancer is now stage IV and very aggressive? Or another friend who has just been diagnosed with a third cancer? There aren't a lot of options here. I do try not to worry but that doesn't always work.

Then I try things like volunteer work. Where I get to meet more cancer people to worry about. I know I should only try to worry about myself but that's not as easy as you might think.

Today, I have a distraction, instead of worrying, I will be ticked off at Wal-Mart. This article this morning made my blood boil (and I didn't worry about anything for a few minutes while I fumed). The absolutely worst retailer in the country, or probably the world, and that would be Wal-Mart (in case you didn't know already). Apparently, they are getting more aggressive to take a larger share of the grocery business here in Massachusetts.

I am trying to think of one good thing about Wal-Mart.... I can't. In the early 1980's, I remember visiting relatives in the Midwest and having a Wal-Mart pointed out to me as this horrible new store that had come in and was taking away all the local retail business. That was 25 years ago in southern Illinois. I don't think they have changed much.

People say 'well, I shop at Wal-Mart because of the prices'. Their business model says move into a market, undersell all the local competition and force them out of business, and then raise prices. Then people say 'I shop at Wal-Mart because they are the only store around'. This would be a case of their business plan in action. Now that they are the only store around, they can charge what they want.

They also have dirty stores, long lines, poor employment policies, and sell lots of crap. I have never had a pleasant shopping experience in a Wal-Mart - I do admit to being in them a few times and don't think I could write about them if I hadn't - but make a point of avoiding them as much as possible. It is possible not to shop at Wal-Mart.

First, one must forget the notion of buying everything in the same place. I agree Wal-Mart may have some cheap prices but no store can give you a deal on everything. Check the ads, read the signs - every store has its deals. Buy things at the right kind of store - don't expect to have one stop shopping. Also, plan your shopping. Don't succumb to 'deals'. Do some research first - decide where to go and what to get where.

I don't do all my shopping in any given store. I go to a farm stand for produce weekly. I go to Costco (a/k/a the anti-Wal-Mart)every month or two for paper goods, cat supplies, and meat. I go to Trader Joe's regularly (daily??? because I am forgetful - but I have chemo brain so I have an excuse) for the basics. Periodically I actually go to a regular grocery store for a few select things I can't get anywhere else like waxed paper sandwich bags, seltzer, fish, Worcestershire sauce (they don't sell it at TJ's and Costco only has it in life time supply bottles), etc. If I go some place where there is only a Wal-Mart, I find I can usually shop ahead of time, find another store, and make do with out.

As the American consumer, we are spoiled in that we want one stop everything. But Wal-Mart is too high a price to pay. Did you see the movie 'Wall-E'... Funny how the big box company that had taken over the world had a scary resemblance.

Anyway, I just got to vent about something besides my health issues for once. I will say my blister is only a little sore today. Drastic bandaid/moleskin action may be required. Today I have to get my act together. I am going for a walk to make up for the fact that Sunday I only took a little bitty walk and yesterday I went to the gym and got there with only one sneaker (so I ended up on the stationary bike and lifted weights)!!!!! I was going to try to walk later or go to the gym but no I am going to motivate and go walk NOW quick, before I run out of time. I am overscheduled again today - I have a meeting at 930 and then have to go into Boston for a job interview (yippee) and want to meet friends for lunch first. Then I have my support group too. And I have to make the volunteer phone calls I forgot to do yesterday. Otherwise not much to do...

Only a blister and the dog stole my mitten

We had a great weekend away and I only got a blister. We drove up on Thursday and had lunch in Glens Falls at a brew pub (my ultimate husband bribe - there's a museum "no, I don't want to go" and a brew pub "okay, let's go"). We arrived at our destination (Say hi to Fred (the moose)) outside of Lake Placid and I realized I left my ski pants at home. So we immediately turned around and drove down to Lake Placid and enjoyed the tropical temperatures while walking around. It was somewhere below zero and the wind was about 20 mph. We'll just say it was very, very, very cold.

When we returned to the Loj, I looked at the indoor/outdoor thermometer and thought it read 14 below. I was informed I was probably looking at the centigrade and I should check the other one. Well that said 25 below Centigrade. Later in the weekend we determined that thermometer reads a little low. But since that was at 5 pm, I think its safe to assume the temperature dropped over night. Saturday we waited for the temperature to get up to above 5 degrees before setting out. It was a nice hike up to the Marcy Dam. We stopped to rearrange layers and have a snack at one of the lean-tos when a big chocolate lab came bounding by, followed by his owner. The dog grabbed one of my mittens and ran around behind the lean-to in the loose snow. After some argument, the dog gave up on my mitten and let me have it back (covered in doggy drool). Because we had a slightly longer break than anticipated and it was maybe 10 degrees, we got a chill. We tried going a little further but decided to turn back.

On the way back, my right boot started rubbing and I got a blister. That was the only injury for the weekend. Well, only may not be the right word. Its only about 1" across and is a big red sore spot on my heel right now. It did make me forget about my back hurting for a while.

Sunday morning, we wanted to go out again on snow shoes but I had to deal with my blister first using mole foam (moleskin for hard core injuries) and second skin and then more mole foam. This worked all the way out and most of the way back on our hike. But about 1/2 mile from the Loj, I ended up taking off my snow shoes and walking on the packed snow to see if I could relieve some of the pressure on my little bitty blister.

Now my back did relatively well hiking. After I lightened my pack up. Saturday I set up with a platypus bladder of water and a spare bottle of water. My back did not like that at all. I dumped out the spare bottle because we decided we had enough water and my back was hurting. Then the tubes for the platypus froze so we dumped the water from the platypus into the empty water bottle and Walter stuck it in his pocket. (The solution for a heavy pack is to give everything to your husband.) We did have plenty of water in the end. My back was pretty sore Friday night but okay on Saturday and Sunday. Right now, it is so so, but I am blaming the fact that the cat insists on sitting on my lap while I type. (He was very lonely and as a result, is a royal pain in the butt today. He won't leave me alone.)

Today is back to reality. I have to work from home, go for a walk, and go to work. I think I have to pay attention to the cat as well. (As if he would let me ignore him.) Now that we have returned, I realize that I get to go to Lahey once a week every week for the rest of the month, plus physical therapy twice a week. So I guess that means three visits a week.... Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!

Further proof they dont know anything

So today's news has a big article on how they think they finally have caught the Chicago Tylenol killer from 1982. I was actually going to college in southern Wisconsin at the time and we all dutifully threw away our Tylenol capsules. So they are a little slow in the crime solving business sometimes but they always get their man. Isn't that what the FBI says? (Its someone's motto but I have chemo brain and can't remember.)

Also in the news is further proof that they don't know squat about curing cancer. Evidently, what was thought to be a powerful new drug combination for colon cancer, actually makes it worse. They did a little trial and the results looked promising. Then they wanted further testing and found out oopsy, it has the wrong effect. This is a very good example of why you should never believe the little sound bites that come up on the news and why further testing is always good.

In addition, in the news (can you tell I read the paper this morning?) was an article on how seals need to have their teeth brushed too. Our problem is the cat has fish breath just like the seals do. But he will not allow us to brush his teeth. Actually, he doesn't have bad teeth, he has bad gums. My husband's comment after watching this video was 'do they make house calls?'

This morning I am being prodded to get moving. We are going to the Adirondacks for a few days for snow shoeing. Yes, I am taking my back pain in to the great white north. That's okay, I have prescriptions which I am taking too. We are going to stay at the Loj at Heart lake which has no TV, computers, cell phone coverage, radio. But it does have yummy food and prime access to a few billion billion snow flakes which will make us happy. Of course, the flowers are really blooming now and I will miss them.

Life is not fair

In case you hadn't figured it out yet, life just isn't fair. Last fall, I planted an amaryllis bulb to force for Christmas. Apparently, I have a slow amaryllis because it missed Christmas and is now blooming. What isn't fair is that finally after months of waiting, it bloomed and we are going away for a long weekend tomorrow morning and will miss its blooming.
To add insult to injury, my geranium which spent the summer outside, has now decided to finally bloom inside as well. Perhaps the cat can enjoy them in our absence (and not nibble on their leaves).

In the meantime, yesterday I ran around and did my errands in the morning but when I tried to go to work in the afternoon, the hill we live on was not sanded. I tried to go but ended up sliding back down the hill (I really hate the sliding backwards while in a car business). Today as a result, I need to get to work earlier and see if I can get everything done. I also have finish packing today so we can leave bright and early tomorrow.

Have I mentioned recently that my back hurts? I just wanted to be sure. It hurt a lot last night. Perhaps I did something to aggravate it - like wash the dishes or cook dinner. Anyway, I was not happy so I took a pain pill and found out, they make me fall asleep. So at least I got a relatively good night's sleep for once.

I also managed to waste entirely too much time on the internet yesterday. First I had to check out the new Ocean feature in Google Earth. Its actually pretty cool. If you download the new version, released yesterday, it contains ocean information now with links to video etc. Very cool (and a giant time suck). Then I went to blogs about Google Earth and found out there is another feature on hiking trails so I went down that path of giant internet time suck. Finally, I ended up watching this video on MRIs from the Mayo Clinic. If you have never had an MRI (or have had one and wondered how they really work), this is very informative.

See how much time I am wasting online already and its not even 730am? Time to get moving!!

Dealing with Bureaucracies (Or how to maintain high blood pressure)

I had such a fun day yesterday (not!). In an effort to raise my blood pressure, I dealt with several bureaucracies simultaneously.

First, I had to deal with my car. It would not start on Sunday, nor again yesterday after several tries. I called AAA and they said a tow truck would be here with in an hour. Fine, I can deal with that. An hour later they called and said he would be another 20 minutes. Half an hour later, he showed up and said 'my truck is too big to get your car out of the driveway. I'm not pushing it by hand. I'll call in and they will send another smaller truck.' He said it would be about 25-30 minutes. He also told me that he thought it sounded like my timing belt. half an hour later I called AAA again for an update and after 15 minutes on hold, I was told it would be another 45 minutes. 15 minutes later, they called back and said the driver was out front. Driver number 2 pushed the car out of the driveway by hand and towed it to the garage. The mechanic got it started in 5 minutes and said it was only flooded. This saga took three hours to resolve. My blood pressure was just ducky.

In the meantime, I called the doctors office to reschedule. I was told that the doctor's schedule had changed and she wasn't available the day my appointment was originally scheduled. It hadn't been rescheduled right away as the scheduling person was waiting to see if a week which had been frozen on the doctor's calendar in May would open up. I don't know why they didn't tell me this on Friday. Now I have an appointment with the physician's assistant on the exact same time and date as my original doctor appointment. At least I will have the physical I am due for and I can get in to see the doctor later if they find anything (which we will just assume they won't).

Also, because i really wanted to punish myself (and I was stuck here), I decided it was time to straighten out some stock certificates I have. I have shares with one company but two accounts in two batches because one set was a gift from my grandfather and the other shares I purchased later on. And the accounts are in my married name. I sent in the paperwork a few weeks ago to start this but they sent it back and said I need to send in the certificates. I have no idea where the certificates are so I wanted to find information online. Of course, their website froze on me. Then I called, but the wrong number, so after being on hold for 10 minutes I was given the right number. They told me they will send me the new certificate and then I have to send it back to them with the form they have already sent back to me. Then the name change can be done. Also, their website requires Internet Explorer not Firefox (they could have put this on their website).

In the meantime of all these phone calls and fun interactions, the physical therapy people called to reschedule my initial consult, I talked to friends and family members, and the phone just kept ringing. This was all before 1130am. I really needed a walk and it was 45 degrees out. Then I went to work (and the phone rang all afternoon).

Today I hope will be less stressful but I do have a big list of things to do today. Return overdue library books, go to the gym, see my therapist, follow up on the job that called me last week (and never returned my other call), laundry, buy milk, vacuum the living room, make calls for volunteer work, and go to work. I think thats it but I am sure my tiny brain has allowed me to forget something important. Oh, and its going to snow so I will be driving around all day on crappy roads. Joy of joys!

I'm blaming the cat.

My back didn't really hurt yesterday even though I went to the gym and used the machines and went snow shoeing. It hurt in the morning while sorting laundry but was mostly okay. This morning, I woke up and it was fine. Then I had to move the (delicate little 16 lbs of lard) cat because he was in the way on the bed and my back started hurting. So its his fault that my back hurts today. So now I can be whiney as a result.

At least I wasn't doing something like this guy. If I fell off my bike on the ice, it would hurt. However I do like his hassle free commute.

Further proof in the on going saga of what they don't know about cancer can be found here. Or we can just argue that there really is a giant secret plot to confuse us all. I am not sure which but what is very clear is that doctors really just want us to eat green vegetables. Maybe they are in collusion with the broccoli growers of America. (See I can always come up with a link for a conspiracy theory.)

Today's big project is to make phone calls for the American Cancer Society. I said I would and forgot. Perhaps I should have read my email last week which contained the reminder and the phone numbers. Oops! Now I have three days to make thirty phone calls around all my other commitments.

But first today's really big project is to see if the car will start. It did not want to start yesterday. I think it might have been flooded. If it won't start today, I will walk the one whole block to the gas station and see if they will come and help me start it. If not, I will call AAA and get it towed there. I can live with out it today. Tomorrow and Wednesday would start to get tricky with out it.

But before all that I get to call the doctor's office and have a 'discussion' about rescheduling my canceled appointment. That should be fun. I hate talking to big corporations who have 'rocket scientists' on their phones.

Another list

Here is another list of things that make my back hurt. Or perhaps things that I am doing when my back starts hurting:

1. sitting
2. standing
3. walking
4. lying down (so should I give up sleeping?)
5. doing dishes (time to delegate this)
6. sorting laundry (ditto)
7. thinking (maybe I should stop?)
8. cooking breakfast (but I was hungry)

I woke up and my back was fine. I sorted laundry and made Belgian waffles for breakfast and now my back hurts. It doesn't hurt too badly but it isn't playing nice. However now that I have eaten some food I can take my anti-inflammatory pill which may help. I won't take a pain pill because then I will probably fall asleep.

Anyway, yesterday I went and got educated on how to be a volunteer. Actually it was a very good training session sponsored by the American Cancer Society Relay For Life. They have other training on advocacy later that I might go to as well. Today I have to finish the press release and send it out to a bunch of places. I also have to meet a friend for snow shoeing as well as do six loads of laundry. (For some reason this week we have tons of laundry.) Tonight we are having pizza night while we watch the Superbowl. Home made pizza is much healthier than take out. I will just ignore my back and suffer in silence all day long.