Call me slow but I will reduce stress

Today I am launching my reduce stress in my life campaign. I did mention it recently and have started a little bit but now I really need to focus on what is going on with me. I did a little google research (which isn't always the brightest thing to do because who knows the credibility of what is on the Internet) and found some reasonably intelligent reports showing that there are not clear links between stress and cancer but there are clear links showing that stress does nasty things to your body and makes you more susceptible to other ailments. Okay, so maybe stress wont give me more cancer but I would be happy to get rid of other medical ailments as well so I am formulating my plan.

1. Exercise more. I was getting a little wimpy about my exercise plan and frankly 30 minutes on the treadmill (with the latest copies of US, People, etc) is good, I think I need a little more. So I am going to walk more outside - because I go for a good hour. (I am also all caught up on Jen and Brad and Angelina etc - but am very convused. Did Brad and Angelina split up? Will Jen take him back or is she happy being single? And what will happen to the Brangelina children - they can't exactly send them back?) I will alternate walking outside with going to the gym where I will add tiny amounts of weight training to help my upper body. There are three machines that I can use that don't cause back pain - which is my signal to stop all activity.

2. I will take better care of me mentally. I may go back to my weekly support group for a bit (and because I missed my monthly group this week because of the wake I went to). I am also attempting to get back into my therapist before another month goes by. I will also try to do more of the things I enjoy - I have been so busy recently that I have books sitting around for weeks before I get past page 3 - me the bookworm to end all bookworms and I don't have time to read! I will also spend more time with the people I enjoy - something I haven't had time for.

3. I will not deal with stressful situations. I did a little research on this on coping with stress. The basic pieces of advice are to avoid the stressful situation, don't stress over things beyond your control (the weather), and work on coping techniques. My rules for not dealing with stressful situations means I will avoid nasty people and situations. I am not going to stress about things beyond my control - including other people's problems. And my coping techniques are covered in 1 and 2 above.

4. I am going to focus on feeling better. I am going to get a balance board so I can get serious about working with my ankle to avoid potential surgery. I am also going to work on my back issues. I am waiting for another few weeks for my new meds to see how they are working and then call the doctor. I also don't have many doctor appointments for the next few months. Late April/early May is when they all seem to be bunched. (This doesn't mean I won't be at the doctor between then - I have an ultrasound, dentist, and therapists in the interim.)

5. I will attempt to eat better. My eating habits have gone to hell in a handbasket recently. Currently my husband is not allowed to eat any fruits and vegetables. So of course, I am not eating much either. Salad, salad, salad. I will also make hummus again this week - nothing like hummus on pita bread with some lettuce and a slice of red onion. I need more veggies. So far today I did have toast with PB and an orange. And three pieces of bacon that were left - but now there is no more so NO MORE BACON. Yesterday I admit to having a tiny bowl of ice cream for breakfast because it was National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day but no more ice cream either!

So now this means I need to get started on this. In other words, I need to get out of bed and start moving and be (more) productive than playing online. Once it warms up for a bit, I will go for a walk to get some fresh air and exercise. Then I need to get caught up on a weeks worth of cooking shows on the DVR before the Superbowl this afternoon.

Another reason why we need changes to health care insurance

But first, I would like to say today is Ice Cream For Breakfast Day. Skip the oatmeal, eggs, wheaties or whatever and open your freezer and grab a bowl.

Did you know health insurance companies deny one out of every 14 claims? Does that seem a bit excessive? Anecdotally I have also been told that some insurance companies routinely deny a huge number of claims. What is wrong with this picture? Now as a good insurance premium payer you must do your part before you expect them to pay. If your policy says they don't pay for certain things, don't expect them to. Read your policy before you agree to it and read it again every year. Assume that bad things might happen to you - which is why you have insurance in the first place. Then read everything the insurance company sends you. Ask questions where you are treated. Is this covered under my insurance? Who got preapproval? What do I need to do to get preapproval? Don't assume.

If you are denied, get to work. Don't sit there and assume the insurance fairy will fly through your life and fix things for you. Start gathering information to determine if you were fairly or unfairly denied and be prepared to fight. This example is a good start. If you are faced with a big medical bill, call your provider and ask about options in repayment or renegotiate the amount.

I hear more stories about people cashing in their life savings because they were uninsured or underinsured or grossly under estimated the potential out of pocket costs for their medical expenses. Its not just about what is covered but what you might potentially spend.

All of these are examples as to why health care reform is needed at some level. Why do insurance executives make so many millions while millions of Americans are forced into bankruptcy over medical bills?

Now I am going to eat my ice cream.

Belated World Cancer Day

Yesterday was World Cancer Day. It was also probably also save the penguins day and eat broccoli day. I'm just slow sometimes. I do know today is national wear red day to raise awareness for heart disease. I'll wear a red sweater if I have one that's clean... I'm not a big fan of these awareness things because I am not sure how much they really do. But I did find the article I saw yesterday that 40% of cancers worldwide are preventable through behaviors. Reduce sun exposure, drink less alcohol and stop tobacco use are the three key steps. So why me? I never was a sun person, I don't drink tons, and I never smoked a lot. They don't know what causes all cancers. They are saying this to focus on the causes they know.

Today I am launching the reduce my stress level campaign. Allow me to summarize my week: friend died, another friend's husband has stage IV cancer, awful work situation, fell and jolted back and wrist and knee, etc, facing possible ankle surgery, husband not healing well and facing additional procedure in a few weeks, father fell and broke his leg, and its only Friday so I am not prepared for much more. I resolved the stressful job situation by leaving it as I have tried for several weeks to resolve it with no success. I don't need to have the level of stress in my life so I chose not to work there any more.

My stress level is off the charts with everything I have going on and I am looking to reduce it as much as possible. There is no reason other's problems need to be mine. Except when others medical issues loom.

My husband just asked me to promise not to fall again today. I will try. By the way, the doctor wasn't surprised with my ankle that I did fall a few times recently. So off I go for a day of work today. I will try not to fall and hope I can destress a bit.

So its not just me

I was beginning to think it was a big conspiracy and it was only me but it turns out Walter has the same problem - doctors with bad script writers. I went back to my ankle doctor yesterday expecting a recommendation along the lines of more PT/less pain, etc. No instead, it turns out she said 'my ankle is bordering on chronic' in its current state - meaning it may not get any better. In side my ankle is a harmless cyst (something common with gymnasts and ballet dancers and figure skaters), a chip of floating cartilage, and a partially torn ligament.

She recommends waiting for another three months and then seeing how it is. She also said to skip the exercises that have been causing any pain and focus on the balance exercises. (I was honest and told her I fell twice recently and she said she wasn't surprised because of balance issues caused by my ankle.) I may see some more improvement over that time and the warming weather may help as well. My options at that time will be: 1. live with it in whatever state it is in; 2. reattach ligament surgery which means six weeks in a cast, six weeks in a boot, and then rehab; 3. clean out cartilage which means two weeks in a boot, and then rehab; or 4. both options two and three together. I need a new script writer here. This is not what I wanted to hear. My ankle still hurts all the time. So what was my response: the very mature pouting phase that simply makes me feel better.

From there, I went and got Walter for his surgical follow up. He has been having some problems and wasn't feeling that great. The doctor took another look and said he needs to go back in and deal with some scar tissue issues. But he wants to wait another two to three weeks to allow for more healing before that. In the meantime, Walter has to live on a low fiber diet which means (and I quote) 'you can eat pizza and ice cream but no fruits and vegetables'. Well at least that was a nice thing to hear. But the additional procedure - which doesn't involve surgery or cutting but does involve sedation - is scheduled for three weeks from now. The part about waiting another three weeks and having to have anything else done were not part of the script we wanted to hear.

I ended my day by going to a wake. Which is worse - the wake or the funeral? I am going to the funeral today as well before work. Its going to be awful. She was too young.

What would you tell your insurance company?

Now technically, an insurance company is not supposed to know what is wrong with you. You don't need to call them up and say "I have cancer". I do strong suspect they can tell what is wrong with you by what kinds of tests/procedures/surgeries you have. But its not their business what the results of any of these are. They don't get pathology reports. They just get the bill. They are not supposed to discriminate against you.

However I am sure we have all heard the horror stories of people being dropped by their insurance after a cancer diagnosis, or refusal to renew a policy. I live in Massachusetts which has some very strong consumer protection laws against discrimination due to pre-existing conditions but still, I'm not telling my insurance company anything. They can infer all they want from my multitudinous trips to the doctor but I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Last year, they called me and offered a nurse to help me with any questions I may have. I was a little reluctant to talk to her but did in the end - mostly because I really didn't have any issues to discuss with her. I do know the insurance company has nurses on staff that will answer questions if needed.

This year my insurance company, Blue Cross, announced a new program called 'Blue Health Assessment'. They want me to go online and register and fill in all of my medical information so they can help me manage all my medical issues in one place. No, thanks.

Let me tell you why I am not going to fill this out anytime soon:

1. It would take me days to complete my medical history. I have probably had over 150 doctor visits in the past three years. Plus the previous twenty five years of my life with a few other medical misadventures. I don't have this kind of time.
2. Isn't this like giving secrets to the enemy? I mean they aren't supposed to discriminate and its not their business what is wrong with me so why should I tell them?
3. I'm lazy - see #1.
4. Am I getting paranoid about Big Brother - see #2?

Also, I think I do a pretty good job of keeping track of what is wrong with me myself. I have calendars and spread sheets and can look up and tell you when I had what done when. This is clearly outside my comfort zone so I'm not telling.

Profound thought for the day: Cancer sucks

Yesterday was further reinforcement of how cancer really is a sucky disease. A friend of mine died yesterday from breast cancer. She is the one I visited a few weeks ago. She has a seven year old and is a few years younger than me. She had triple negative breast cancer four years ago and a recurrence two years ago and has been on chemo ever since. She was in pain and on oxygen when I saw her. But perky and appreciated the take out Thai food we brought. I called her last week and we spoke briefly and I hoped to get over and see her this week. I am going to her funeral instead.

Also yesterday a friend emailed me who I have been out of touch with since before the holidays because of Walter's medical issues. Her husband has what looks like late stage colon cancer. They don't have a final diagnosis yet and no surgery so far. But things aren't looking so good.

To top it off, crabby co-workers that are unreasonable to deal with just need to grow up and get over it and get with the program. Hint: The world does not revolve around you and other people (i.e. our boss) makes decisions and changes things in rational manners to which you just need to adapt. Anyway, life is too short to deal with stupid people.

Walter also isn't feeling so well. He actually called the doctor and got his appointment moved up to tomorrow afternoon.

So ended a relatively horrible day. This morning I am up early so I can go to work for a few hours. Then off to my therapist - which I might need after yesterday. Back home for a few hours and then to my support group that I haven't been to in months and then a hair cut. Finally back home for dinner. I might even get to go for a walk somewhere in there.

But things are different with cancer

So why did I list all my stupid medication side effects yesterday? Well, here's the difference. When you don't have cancer, if you have a headache, a little dizziness, aches and pains, feeling tired, you don't think anything of it. You were on your computer too long, maybe are dehydrated, overdid it at the gym, didn't get enough sleep, etc. Unless its a migraine, you fall over from being dizzy, are in excruciating pain, or fall asleep at the office, you don't think anything of it. You may take some OTC medication and just ignore things for a few days. No big deal.

But when you add a cancer diagnosis (or two) to the mix, its not a headache, its a brain tumor. Its not dizziness, its a new weird cancer infiltrating your ear drums or another incurable ailment that will deprive you of your right to drive a car and go to work. Its not aches and pains, its your cancer has spread to your bones. Its not just being tired, its leukemia and anemia causing fatigue. Your mind travels down that road to hell which is filled with all sorts of dire thoughts which usually start with, 'I'm gonna die' thoughts. Not to be morbid or anything but cancer changes everything.

Living with a cancer diagnosis means learning to balance all these evil thoughts with a 'normal' life. (If you can define normal, please feel free to let me know. We are all weird in our own way.) You wonder why cancer people are more prone to depression and go to all those support groups and talk to other cancer people to keep our sanity.

Doctors and medical professionals don't help. Well, I mean they do help because they treat you and make you better and kill off cancer cooties. But they don't help when they say 'its probably nothing but with your medical history, we need to be sure. Blah, blah, blah.' Sometimes I feel if one more doctor says that to me, I'll scream. Nothing like getting that nice little slip of paper from the doctor to head for blood tests and a chest x-ray after your annual physical (does everyone else get an annual chest x-ray?) which says 'history of thyroid carcinoma' across the bottom. Its also printed on lots of the test results I get. In case I forgot. Thank you for that reminder. I wonder why they haven't updated it to say 'history of thyroid carcinoma and breast cancer'. (Actually I think they upgraded their computer system and are removing these helpful little reminders from their print outs.)

Cancer changes everything. Well isn't that a trite little statement. I prefer to think of it as 'cancer, the gift that keeps on giving'. Anyway, I don't need any reminders on my medical history. The little voices in my head keep reminding me of it. It is dizziness as a side effect. It is a normal head ache. The aches and pains are just part of my back issues. And being tired is the result of not sleeping due to back pains.