Saturday, July 20, 2013

Life in cancer land

Life in cancer land is never normal. Every little thingy becomes suspicious and requires further testing. It doesn't matter if it has any relation to previous ailments or is new or not but you always get the 'because of your history we need to be sure...' line.

I was talking with a friend about it this morning. There is a nasty level in the diagnostic process that is called 'big enough to see but too small to do anything about it'. It is almost as bad as the 'there are too many thingies to think about surgery' but not really.

Basically its a sh*thole that cancer people live in suspended animation for days, weeks, months or even years. Going from scan to scan and living with a constant level of scanxiety.

Finally the outcome becomes one of two options:
  • It grew big enough to deal with it some how - surgery, radiation, etc.
  • It was decided it is stable and will require future supervision but less frequently.

Personally I have a bunch of the second option - tested beyond belief and now we are hoping they are stable and checking less frequently. But they all started as something that was big enough to see but too small to do anything about which was  no fun.

And how does the cancer person adapt to this not so happy roller coaster? Well that is the question of the year. You can try to sleep at night and the little 'what if' gremlins start dancing around your head. Or you can ignore it but sometimes a sinking feeling shows up in the pit of your stomach.

That is the real cancer roller coaster or how life in cancer land really is. In case you were wondering.