Monday, September 25, 2017

Aggravated, Frustrated, And More

Yesterday I had lunch with two friends who I have known for a very long time. One since the 1970s and the other since the 1980s. While I have sensed over the years they do not understand what I am going through. Yesterday revealed the truth. They do not have a clue. I was so aggravated when I left lunch and I woke up aggravated about it this morning. They were insensitive, self centered, and ignorant of my limitations.

I made a lunch reservation and had hoped to be there first so I could get a table with chairs and not a padded bench, which can sometimes be difficult for my back. As my friend, A, was already seated, I decided I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it as the bench seemed okay at first.

We chit chatted a few minutes waiting for B to show up. She was late. She is always late. She is incapable of getting anywhere on time. I find this very frustrating because I am limited to how long I can be out with my health issues. She doesn't get it.

When B showed up, she told us why she was late: she did text us as she was about to leave but then she had to put everything in her car. Then she realized she forgot her phone so she went back. Finally she realized that she forgot her laptop and, as she was going to work after lunch, she would have to go back and get it. And every statement she makes she knocks her hands on the table so it makes it shake which hurts my back. I just sit with my hands off the table. She always bangs around.

Lunch was very good. We took our time so we could chat and catch up. We split a dessert and kept yakking away, with the table being pounded on by both. I think they do it without realizing it.

A few statements were made by them: 'She (a relative of a friend) must be very sick because she takes 20 prescriptions'. (I have that many, or more). 'Why doesn't your back get better?' (For how many decades do we need to talk about this?)

Eventually, after almost 2 hours, I said something about my back hurting. B said 'I thought we were going to have a nice long lunch'. How long is a long lunch - 5 hours? Then A pulled out a set of probably 50 pictures to show us, in great detail, one by one, with descriptions.

Finally I just said I have to go because my back is killing me. I made a point of standing up. But then we had to stop so the hostess could take a group picture of us..... Arghhhh. I just needed to get in my car and its supportive, contoured car seat, with no more vibration from the table.

What upsets me the most is that they just do not understand. They claim to be some of my oldest friends but have no idea of what I deal with day to day. I do not expect my friends to keep up with every detail of my health. I just want them to have a general understanding of my health and that I have many limitations. And that I am not getting better anytime soon.

What this means in the end, I will not spend as much time with them in the future. If they can't realize that I have limitations and am not very helpful. I don't think they are my friends any more.


Heather said...

I am so sorry. Sounds to me as if they are so caught up in their own lives, they have no idea just how much yours has changed or just how much you have to deal with on a daily basis. Never easy to let friends go but sometimes it must be done.

Anonymous said...

They don't get it, but if you don't clue them in, they never will. When you arrived I think you should have mentioned that the bench seat is difficult for you and asked the hostess to find you a new table. Making an issue if it would reinforce in your friend's mind that it is an issue for you. Leaving when you said you needed to, despite the pictures coming out would reinforce to your friends that you've had all you can take. Suggest in a nice way that she bring them next time to show you. Holding your friends responsible for your pain from sitting too long in an uncomfortable seat without letting them know how problematic it is for you will not change their behavior in the future. They maybe very self-centered, but if you don't take care of yourself around them nothing will change. Lois K

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