Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Bad Plan (Part 2)

After moving and I came up with my 'plan' on how I would adapt to moving to a new community and stop working at the same time. But it doesn't seem to work as well now.

For the first months after we moved, I was really busy. I worked on our new house. I painted rooms, I started gardening, I got us settled in. Once you unpack you still have a lot more settling to do.

My house painting skills have improved but I go very slowly. It took me two weeks to paint one hallway. I did one side one week, and the second side the next. I spackle one day, sand the next, wash the walls, tape, and then paint - primer and two coats.... I have to break it up because i can only work for a short period before needing a break. The living room took three weeks.....

I still have more painting to do - dining room (2 walls), kitchen (2 walls), and half the basement. I also have to go back and fix some areas..... This could take me months. I promise I will get to them but some days I look at the amount of exertion required and decide I am simply not up to it.

Therein lies my problem. I get too tired. I can take days to recover from too much exertion. For example, we went some place and had to stand in line for 45 minutes. It took me 3 days to recover. If I go out for a few hours and do anything that requires standing, I come home and lie down. It is not uncommon for me to come in from the gym and the grocery store and be too tired to put away all the groceries, or even carry them inside.

I also want to garden more. Last summer, my husband worked very hard and doubled the size of our garden, significantly reducing the amount of lawn. Then we had a drought so gardening came to an end.

I think part of my problem is winter is long and it greatly limits my activities outside. I do my weaving and knit inside year round but a little fresh air now and then is appreciated.

Right now I just want winter to end so I can do some gardening. In the past, I used to be able go out and enjoy winter - hiking, skiing, snow shoeing, etc - but those have all come to an end.

As winter has dragged on, I have spent more and more time inside, by myself. My husband works full time. I keep meaning to go up to the senior center and meet more people but its 20 minutes away at the farthest end of town. I am a little young for the senior center (I can't join for five more years) but almost all their activities are during the day. I am not up to going out at night.

I have upped my volunteer work and am doing more with the local cancer support center. But I do it all at home by myself.

My plan is falling apart because I spent much more time by myself at home than I ever expected. I also have not met as many new people as I thought I would. You not easy to meet the neighbors if its winter and everyone is hiding inside. Most of our neighbors work full time and have children. I have neither in common.

I have maxed out my knitting and weaving and will continue. This is so I have enough for my craft fair months in the fall. But that's not very interactive.

I also have been having some health problems which further limit my life. My formerly good left knee became my new bad knee a year and a half ago. My formerly bad right knee which is now my 'good' knee and I have been overusing it to compensate for my left knee. It has decided to start locking up and I have already had some fluid drained to help but it will need more work.

On top of that, I have been told I have apnea and need a CPAP machine. So I got one and the mask was not right for me so I had to get a new one. The new mask still doesn't allow me to get a good night's sleep.

Last night for example, I was exhausted and took a sleeping pill. I slept for about 3 hours without my CPAP on, woke up and put it on for a couple of hours. I had the weirdest dreams and felt very restless. I gave up about 330AM and have been up since. (I think I need a nap.)

So the bad plan includes too much isolation, loneliness, and seclusion than I expected. I need to learn better to balance what I can and cannot do with getting out more. I also need to get more sleep period. Lack of sleep can be very serious and it also compounds other issues - both emotional and physical.

I am working on a new plan. But more to come.

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