Monday, September 13, 2010

Dealing with limitations

I have been dealing with limitations caused by all sorts of fun health issues. I try to be normal and pay the price for several days. I define normal as doing things like going to a museum, staying up late, gardening, carrying anything, grocery shopping if I am not careful, and the list goes on. This week I attempted to go to a museum. It was a cool museum. I tried to be smart and sit down when my back started to hurt. Well that was on Sunday. It still is not happy even though I have new drugs.

For me the real problem is five years ago, I had no real health problems, other than cancer once. I used to bike ride, ski, kayak, hike, roller blade, snow shoe, go to museums, garden, stay up late sometimes, carry things, grocery shop, and more. Most of these I pretty much can't any more without paying the price. I even gave my bike away. I think my roller blades and skis are next - they are collecting dust in the basement.

The issue is I can't do all the things I used to do and enjoy doing them. Now if I try, I end up in pain which comes and goes for several days. Its a big transition to a sedentary way of life. I am not ready for this transition. People say 'well be glad for what you still can do' or 'don't fill your life with regrets about what you can't do any more'. Those are boring platitudes to make me feel better. Its hard to all of a sudden find you have to change your life when you don't want to.

I think my coping these days is not with cancer but with limitations. Which is worse? I'm not sure. Both are life long. But I'll suck it up for now and whine more later.

1 comment:

Ann said...

I was always relatively sedentary but I still struggled with my limitations when on chemo. Now, on tamox, when I'm having so much bone pain, I can't even imagine doing anything but working. I had a fantasy of doing yoga or something when my body is finally put back together, but when lying in bed means aching, and when bending your knee causes pain, you don't want to try.

This couch potato is struggling with limitations too. I don't do things I would have because I want to avoid the after effects. The problem is, while I am doing these things - I can. Not comfortably, but I can. It's afterwards that I suffer so badly.

Cancer kind of sucks, you know?

I hope this works and you become NED and can get your energy and life back. I'm counting the days until I'm off the drug that is hurting me.