Disappointment

When I stopped working where they brought cookies, bagels, and pastries in several times a week, when for runs to the bakery next door for snacks, and shared pizza, Chinese, or Thai lunches, I thought I would lose weight. I did lose some weight, maybe 10 lbs. Then I gained some of it back.

Some how over the past ten years, besides getting older and developing a million health ailments, I have managed to put on more pounds than I can believe. I am thirty pounds over what I consider my fattest ever weight. I am not sure how that happened. And now, even though I go to the gym three times a week, I can't seem to lose any more.

I know you are what you eat but that doesn't seem to help me. Today was a big breakfast (we are on vacation) of a banana, two eggs, three pieces of bacon and a piece of toast (homemade bread) with butter. That was more than I normally have and I wasn't hungry for lunch until 2 pm when I had a peach and a plum. That will tide me over for dinner.

Tonight for dinner I am making an awesome looking seafood stew.  The original recipe calls for 4.5 cups whipping cream and 2 cups of half and half. I'll be using 1% milk instead. I can't imagine all that fat. Chowder isn't the most healthy thing to eat but a rainy day in New England on the ocean calls for chowder. But we will also have a salad and home made bread with it. What we don't eat tonight will be eaten for lunch and other meals for the next few days. Portion control is a big part of weight control.

Back to my topic of disappointment. I was very disappointed today when I went to try on clothes and they didn't fit. Very depressing. Even an XL was too small. And its really only the flabbiness around my middle that I can't seem to get rid of. My inner size six is lost behind a wall of flab.

I am disappointed in myself in that I can't seem to lose the weight. I am disappointed in my body which restricts what I am able to do. I physically am unable to do more exercise. I do not just sit around at home. I make sure I do things every day - I go out to the garden. I get together with friends. I try to eat healthy. I don't eat junk food. I don't eat candy or drink soda.

Its not my thyroid so I can't really rev up my metabolism as I don't have a thyroid. My medication level was just tweaked up but that's not a diet solution.

I know as you age it gets harder to lose weight. I realize this. I also know that I made a big lifestyle change by leaving work.  But I also need to make another change that makes me a skinnier person. I wouldn't mind being healthier but that's not going to happen short of a miracle cure.