That was a bad day!

I don't like needles. You might have heard this from me before. I was very clear with my oncologist when I was diagnosed that it was not an option for me to self inject. Ever. Last week I was told that my RA is not responding to oral treatment so I need to switch to injections. I was a bit stressed.

I had no idea how stressed I was. Tuesday night I took an ativan so that I would be able to sleep and reduce some stress. Yesterday morning we had the teaching lesson with the nurse to learn how to self inject.

I woke up with hives, a knot in my stomach, and extreme stress. Hives? That was a bit extreme. I have only had hives from allergic reactions before. I might have been a bit whiney as well. Only a slim possibility of that. I even took  half an ativan to help me cope.

My husband went with me as he was the mere 'learnee' and I was the mere patient in this. We got there on time and had to sit in the waiting room where my husband's hand got a bit squished (only a tiny bit). And we waited. So I stressed some more. 

Finally the nurse came to get us. I was very nervous and told the nurse - there is no point in being nervous if you can't tell everyone about it. She said it was good to be nervous as that meant I cared about my health and was taking it seriously which is a good thing. It may have been a good thing but it didn't make it easier.

My husband learned out to put on the gloves, swab off my skin, fill the needle, etc. I got to ask stupid questions and be an idiot because I was nervous. I even cowered when the put the fake fat pad against my arm for my husband to pretend to inject me. I cowered again when he really did inject me.

There was a little pinch and it did burn a little. But I survived. I think.

I left to go to work and my husband went to his other doctor appointment. My stomach started to unclench. My hives itched a little less. But I felt better. It was over. Until next week when we go through it again with out a nurse to help. Crap.