This morning I was reading Kaylin's blog over at Cancer is Hilarious. She has had all sorts of cancers before the age 30 (4 diagnoses I believe) and now is faced with a recurrence that looks like will do her in sooner as opposed to later. She has a dilemma. She wrote:
"Now that my very aggressive and deadly bone cancer has come back for a
third time, I don't have many options. It is almost a certainty that it
will kill me. There is one regimen of chemo left that might prolong my
life, but of course chemo is absolute hell, and I am on my own here in
NY with no family or husband to take care of me. I'm not entirely sure I
can handle it on my own, for the third time. So now I am trying to
decide what the rest of my short life will look like: do I stay in NY?
take a break to feel healthy and enjoy myself before chemo? Or start
right away to maximize my chances of remission? Should I move back to CA
where I have family to take care of me? Should I be planning my death?
How should I spend the rest of the life I have left?"
My comment back to her is to skip the proverbial bucket list and go find her happy place to live out her life - on the beach, in the mountains, visiting friends, what ever works for her. But my question for all of you is if you were given this kind of diagnosis, what would you do? Not a bucket list, but how would you make yourself happiest if you were given a short time to experience it?
Personally I find the idea of a bucket list a bit of an avoidance mode - you focus on doing the little things that you want to do but are skipping the big picture that you are dying. I keep changing my mind. Would I want to live on the beach or in a cabin in the mountains? Would I watch sunrises or sunsets? Would I continue to seek medical care or go the palliative route to be more comfortable? (Probably palliative.) My funeral by the way will be a kick ass event where everyone has fun and not a lot of tears. And the guest list will be huge.