Today is Better Than Yesterday

By the end of yesterday, I was beyond stressed. Let's see why was I stressed: I have been feeling like crap because of the bump on my head. I have two friends in hospice care (see yesterday's blog). I have several other medical issues to deal with - my PCP keeps sending me with more blood tests to figure out why I have been so anemic (problem since chemo). My neck hurts from the (stupid) bone spur. My mother ended up in the emergency room yesterday (but she's going home today). I have my first craft show this weekend and need to get ready. I can't remember the rest.

I was so stressed I was ready to call for an prescription of ativan (a/k/a lorazepam). But I survived.

This morning I have taken my time to get ready for my upcoming craft fair. I have also talked to a friend and my mother.  I feel slightly less stressed and am relaxing enough to get things done.

I hate stress. I don't need any more medical issues. My mother needs to get healthier.

When Will I Learn?

The answer is not anytime soon. Yesterday I went to a craft show and had a booth. I had a blast. I sold tons of my stuff and had a lot of fun at the same time. I might have even made a new friend.

But obviously I am not the best candidate to leave home at 620 AM to get to the show at 7 AM, set up my booth, sit and stand for hours, and break down my booth, and drive home to get home at 530 PM. I also lifted things, dragged things, set up folding tables and a canopy. I pulled things out of my car and then put them back in. I did all those things my doctors are telling me not to do - lift, carry, twist, push, pull, etc.

Today I am paying the price. I am sore and achy. I am sore in places that haven't hurt in recent years. My right knee, which has a partially torn ACL for the last 15 years, is now complaining. Significantly. I think I need ice and elevation for a while to make it feel better. Then I can tell you about the place in my back which had injections on Thursday. Its very unhappy.

So when will I learn? I need to learn that my body is not built for any of this any more. I need to learn to be a nice sedate quiet person. (I almost typed 'sedate little old lady' but I am definitely not ready for that classification. I want my tombstone to say something along the lines of 'that was one hell of a ride'. And I doubt I will ever be called sedate, unless it was in the context of being sedated, queue the Ramones song now.)

I may need to sedate myself to get through the next 24-48 hours. 

But I really need to learn to stop over doing things now so I stop needing to recover from them.