Stress is Bad for My Waistline

This isn't a good week. (I swear I do have good weeks, just not right now.) The reasons why it isn't a good week is that I had an MRI Monday night so I was up way too late - meaning after midnight. Today I have a deep cleaning at the periodontist. This means they will inject Novocaine and then scrape way under my gums. I expect I will have soup or scrambled eggs for dinner. Then tomorrow night I have the sleep lab so I don't expect to get a good night's sleep again. I know I whined blogged about this earlier this week but I want to whine some more.

Yesterday I needed a two hour nap to recover from Monday night. I also needed too many snacks. Today I think I will probably be grumpy. I plan on eating lunch before my appointment which probably means some kind of fast food which is bad. But I think if I have some food in my stomach I will probably handle the teeth scraping better. (My dentist has told me this several times - eat a good meal before dental work. Having food in your system makes a big difference.) Also I probably won't be able to eat for a few hours after between sore gums and numbness.

When I am stressed I find myself stress eating. I know I am doing it and have tried to turn myself towards fruit instead of fattening food. But its just too many categories. When I am extremely stressed (think cancer diagnosis level of stress) I stop eating and actually lose weight. I need to lose weight but I am happy I am not that stressed and am at the whining stage.

I just need to watch what I eat and get through this week. Then I'll stop whining.

Changes I Can Make

My therapist asked me an interesting question the other day - do I eat specific items that could help with my fibromyalgia? I actually thought about it for a minute. (Me, taking other people's advice???? LOL) An email came through my inbox on foods that are beneficial for people with fibromyalgia - I got as far as seeing bananas on the list and I eat one every day.

However that did prompt me to wonder what other changes I could make to my life to help me in some ways. I had thought that once I left my pastry filled job I would lose a few pounds. I did lose a couple pounds but then they reappeared. This indicates to me that I need to rethink my eating habits because the flab is not going to vaporize as I expected.

I am going to think about making some changes to help me feel better - losing weight will help with other health issues. Here's my list of what I want to work on:

- Food and eating habits. Incorporate more 'good' foods and less 'bad' foods. Good foods are ones which may help with fibro and RA as well as lose weight. Lots of whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies and better home made stuff. The problem with me cooking more is I don't have the energy or the stamina to do much more cooking. I'll have to work on this area and figure things out.

- Exercise. I do go to the gym and get an hour of cardio in three times a week. I also then spend another 30 minutes or so doing stretching, free weights, and machines. But I can't go for walks and things like that. Different body parts start hurting once I go too far. I do try to go out and garden and get out in the yard but I want to figure out how can I do more without regretting it. Maybe I should sit down with my physical therapist and get some professional advice.

We already are leaning to the organic, whole food sort of thing so that area is under control. I grew a lot in the garden this year until the drought hit so we didn't get as much food as I thought but this will expand next year. I am not sure what else can I do but I will give it more thought.

I do think I want to explore more changes that I can make to work on this. I think a goal is a good thing and will provide motivation for me.

Being an elephant....

Or more on perceptions vs. reality. I talk about losing weight and my deflabbification project but it never seems to work. I have decided my job is very fattening. I sit next to the kitchen and then people bring in nasty things like donuts and cookies... or even make special trips to the bakery next door to get more when the homemade stuff is run out or they just want a sweet thing. And of course they get enough to share. Then there is the snack rack where for 90 paltry pennies you can get a bag of premade, chemical and fat filled, empty calories of your choice. All within 8' of my desk and in my sightlines. As well as the parade of coworkers going by for their share. So I decided I look and feel like this:

Or this:

Last week at the reunion, I was talking to a social worker friend about this (who is less than 5' tall and weighs less than 90 lbs) about how I feel fat and I hate the way I look in pictures. Her calm reply was that we all feel that way. It did help but I still feel fat. I know my downfalls - emotional eating, late night snacking after dinner, on the job snacking and I have promised myself I need to do something about this before I have to buy larger clothes yet again. But I do feel very sorry for this elephant that is on a strict diet to lose 500 lbs during pregnancy no less.

I assume it was only Chinese take out.

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling fine. I went to work and felt fine. At lunch, a co-worker and I decided to have Chinese food delivered. Partly because our lunch choices were lame (me) or non existent (her) and partly because they would bring it to us instead of us going to pick it up. We get take out every couple of weeks from the same place and we get two days worth of food for one day's price due to the portion size.

We both ordered the same thing pretty much - a lunch special of pork lo mein but we had different appetizers. I ate the mushrooms, she picked her's out as she doesn't like them. After lunch, my head started to spin and I couldn't focus. She felt fine. I ended up going home from work early and took a three hour nap. I slept solidly.

My husband came home and couldn't find me. He thought I had gone to run an errand or something. Finally he looked up stairs and found me asleep.I slept through the phone ringing, him calling me, the cat walking on me. I was out like the proverbial light as they say.

We had soup and sandwiches for dinner. He had 2/3 and I had 1/3. It helped the nauseous feeling I had. I slept all night as well and could barely drag myself out of bed this morning.

Why is she blogging about this?  Why am I reading this (you are asking yourself)? As I left work among comments about bad food, someone said the fateful words 'or are you coming down with something?'  That is the problem. Compromised immune systems and all that.

Yesterday was Wednesday (in case you forgot) and that is methotrexate injection day around here (and methotrexate is what suppresses my immune system). A few months ago, I had a stomach flu thing that laid me up for 9 days. I was told after I should skip methotrexate if I am sick at all.

So yesterday I thought about it and decided I am going to pretend I am a normal person and do the injection and assume it was a minor Chinese food mix up and not something that can do me in for more than a week.

If I am whining about not feeling well for the next week or so you can feel free to comment and say "I told you so" but sometimes its nice to pretend our ailments do not keep us down and a bad bit of Chinese takeout is all it is. Sometimes we do live in the shadow of our ailments as they interfere with all the little things in life. It was only Chinese take out.

I cheated

I am sorry to say this but I cheated. It was not a good idea. I should never have done it. Now I have to face the music.... What are YOU thinking??? I cheated on my diet! I ate all sorts of bad things and had a wonderful time doing it.

I ate chicken wings, pizza, little crabby toasts (butter, cheese and crab meat on English muffins), pasta with two kinds of cheese and shrimp, chips, guacamole, onion dip, onion pie with lots of cheese and whole milk, 1/6th of a donut, bread with butter, and a few other things that I can't remember. But I also ate salad with grilled chicken and oranges. And a little bit of wine here and there. I did not, however, eat the cream puffs, rocky road cake, M&M cookies, crab dip, or some of the other really bad things. So I did restrain myself to an extent. I am not sure I want to weigh myself anytime soon but I will eventually face the music and do so.

In addition to eating, we had a great time, watched tv, drank herbal tea, painted our nails, and generally hung out with some old friends.

Here's a funny visual from the weekend: me attempting to put a fitted double sheet on a queen sized bed. I walked around the damn bed three times, going from corner to corner. I finally gave up. I was stumped. And then my brilliant friend suggested I put the flat top sheet on on the bottom instead.

Call me slow but I will reduce stress

Today I am launching my reduce stress in my life campaign. I did mention it recently and have started a little bit but now I really need to focus on what is going on with me. I did a little google research (which isn't always the brightest thing to do because who knows the credibility of what is on the Internet) and found some reasonably intelligent reports showing that there are not clear links between stress and cancer but there are clear links showing that stress does nasty things to your body and makes you more susceptible to other ailments. Okay, so maybe stress wont give me more cancer but I would be happy to get rid of other medical ailments as well so I am formulating my plan.

1. Exercise more. I was getting a little wimpy about my exercise plan and frankly 30 minutes on the treadmill (with the latest copies of US, People, etc) is good, I think I need a little more. So I am going to walk more outside - because I go for a good hour. (I am also all caught up on Jen and Brad and Angelina etc - but am very convused. Did Brad and Angelina split up? Will Jen take him back or is she happy being single? And what will happen to the Brangelina children - they can't exactly send them back?) I will alternate walking outside with going to the gym where I will add tiny amounts of weight training to help my upper body. There are three machines that I can use that don't cause back pain - which is my signal to stop all activity.

2. I will take better care of me mentally. I may go back to my weekly support group for a bit (and because I missed my monthly group this week because of the wake I went to). I am also attempting to get back into my therapist before another month goes by. I will also try to do more of the things I enjoy - I have been so busy recently that I have books sitting around for weeks before I get past page 3 - me the bookworm to end all bookworms and I don't have time to read! I will also spend more time with the people I enjoy - something I haven't had time for.

3. I will not deal with stressful situations. I did a little research on this on coping with stress. The basic pieces of advice are to avoid the stressful situation, don't stress over things beyond your control (the weather), and work on coping techniques. My rules for not dealing with stressful situations means I will avoid nasty people and situations. I am not going to stress about things beyond my control - including other people's problems. And my coping techniques are covered in 1 and 2 above.

4. I am going to focus on feeling better. I am going to get a balance board so I can get serious about working with my ankle to avoid potential surgery. I am also going to work on my back issues. I am waiting for another few weeks for my new meds to see how they are working and then call the doctor. I also don't have many doctor appointments for the next few months. Late April/early May is when they all seem to be bunched. (This doesn't mean I won't be at the doctor between then - I have an ultrasound, dentist, and therapists in the interim.)

5. I will attempt to eat better. My eating habits have gone to hell in a handbasket recently. Currently my husband is not allowed to eat any fruits and vegetables. So of course, I am not eating much either. Salad, salad, salad. I will also make hummus again this week - nothing like hummus on pita bread with some lettuce and a slice of red onion. I need more veggies. So far today I did have toast with PB and an orange. And three pieces of bacon that were left - but now there is no more so NO MORE BACON. Yesterday I admit to having a tiny bowl of ice cream for breakfast because it was National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day but no more ice cream either!

So now this means I need to get started on this. In other words, I need to get out of bed and start moving and be (more) productive than playing online. Once it warms up for a bit, I will go for a walk to get some fresh air and exercise. Then I need to get caught up on a weeks worth of cooking shows on the DVR before the Superbowl this afternoon.

You are what you eat

We have always been told this. You are what you eat. Somehow, we just ignore it. However we must remember that people are like computers - garbage in, garbage out. Eating healthy is important. Especially if you are dealing with health issues.

I got a new book for Christmas "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan. It was very informative and provides some good advice. The first statement is 'eat food'. That doesn't sound like rocket science as we do eat food. What else would we eat? How about 'eat food, not food like substances'? What is a food like substance? Are you eating peanut butter, which should be made from peanuts with maybe a little salt? Or are you eating low fat, reduced calorie peanut spread with about 20 ingredients, most of which are unpronounceable? See the difference? Which is food and which is a food like substance?

After reading this, I think our eating habits are going to change. My husband doesn't know this yet but they will. Which means he will eat differently? Do I tell him or do I just start changing things?

Meanwhile speaking of eating, the cat is shirking his duty if he wants to eat the mousies. Walter decided over the weekend just for the hell of it to put out mouse traps again. We woke up in the middle of the night hearing all kinds of noises down stairs - enough noises that I put my glasses on (very important to see what's going on or catch a burglar), turned on the lights, and went down stairs. The cat was very eager to see me, he was in a somewhat 'psycho' mode but came right up stairs and went to bed. The noises stopped. This morning, we had a mouse in the trap. Did kitty assist in this operation or did he merely chase the poor mouse around the kitchen? If he wants to eat the mice, he needs to catch them before they get caught in the trap. Those are free range, organic mice you know!

Yesterday I did try snow shoeing and I think it went okay from the point of view it didn't make my back hurt any more than it has been and I didn't wake up in extreme pain today. It was also a very nice day with bright blue sky (But did I take any pictures? No I just took my camera for an excursion outside.) Anyway, it was a fun day.

Today, I think is back to work day. My husband has been on vacation for the past two weeks along with the rest of the world. I hope to hear on some job interviews in the next few days and perhaps on a doctor appointment for my back. I also am going back to work this afternoon after working from home and going for a walk this morning. Life is back to its 'exciting' mode.