Sense of Humor

How is your sense of humor on a normal day? This is a serious question. Do you keep your sense of humor? Do you have a sense of humor? If you don't have a sense of humor, I think it would negatively impact your health issues.

Yes I have no training on any kind of medical or psychological information. But I do think a healthy sense of humor is very important as a coping mechanism. If you can crack jokes, you probably are not on death's door.... right now.

Personally, I think sense of humor should be checked, just like any other vital sign, at doctor appointments.

A Rerun: Helping People With Cancer

I know this is a popular subject with people with cancer - how and how not to help them. Some people are idiots. I can tell you story after story about ones I have met along the way.

• You aren't going to get cancer by mentioning the word 'cancer'. Seriously? Its an ugly word but its not an obscenity that will cause someone to pass out. You can't ignore the elephant in the room. Ask how their treatment is going, how they are feeling (but not that vague, polite 'how are you today?' bullshit). 
• Never tell them about your cousin's neighbor's dog walker's hair dresser's sister's cancer treatment. You are not a doctor. It probably wasn't the same type of cancer, and even if it was, everyone's cancer is different. You do not want someone to start wondering about their treatment plan - or to think about how stupid you just sounded.
• No, they probably are not about to die so don't ask them 'how long do they have?'. I find that one pretty damn rude if you ask me. And people have asked me that. I probably gave them some gaping look and meant to say 'about another 50 years'.
• Don't be shy. You aren't to get cancer by being in the same room with them, shopping for them, eating a meal together. If you want to help them, you need to go see them and talk to them. Call first and ask 'I'm going to the grocery store, can I get anything for you?' or 'can I drive your kids to school for you tomorrow or take you to a doctor appointment?' 'Can I bring you a casserole for your family to eat later this week?' If you say, how can I help, they may not be sure what to say. You can do their laundry, clean their house, mow their lawn. 
• Be smart. Someone in cancer treatment probably has limited energy so going to the late movie, a museum where you are on your feet or a shopping spree at the mall are probably not going to work. Nor are going out for drinks or bar hopping. Or a 40 mile bike ride. Or surfing. Or mountain climbing.... I can go on. Ask them do they want to get out and do something and let them tell you what they would like to do. 
• Be respectful of them and their time. They may or may not be feeling very well. If you are visiting them and they appear to be either trying to stay awake or not run to the bathroom, it's time for you to leave. When you arrive, ask them if they are up for a visit or just drop off what you brought and leave. I know I would try to be polite with visitors and sometimes I really just needed to sleep and not throw up.
• Do not visit anyone who is an inpatient in a hospital unless they tell you they can. People in hospitals are usually pretty sick, have not gotten enough sleep (because you can never sleep in a hospital), and look like crap because they are in bed, or are bored to tears. Boredom welcomes visitors; pain, lack of sleep, and looking/feeling like crap hate visitors. Call first and ask what you can bring. Do not just show up at a patient's room EVER!

I think that covers most of my irritations. Yes I have cancer. No I am not going to die anytime soon. I would love it if someone would weed my garden (my husband has a problem telling weeds and plants apart). I like visitors who call first. If I get tired, I will kick you out. Thanks for asking.

A Conversation

I had a conversation with myself last night, with a few insights from my husband. Let me say I was very tired yesterday. I didn't get through my whole workout and my husband cooked dinner.

After dinner, I made a mistake. I should have gone to bed and not sat down to watch TV by myself. This was the conversation:

Me: I'll just watch a little more TV and then go to bed.
Husband: Don't fall asleep in the living room (or you will be cranky tomorrow because your back will hurt.
Me: Of course not. I'll be there soon.
My inner self: Of course I'll be there in a few minutes but I need to get comfy for a bit.

30 minutes later:
Husband: Don't fall asleep out there. You will be cranky. Come to bed.
Me: I'll be right there. Don't bug me.
My inner self: Just a little more snoozing.
Husband: Are you sleeping? 
Me: No. I'm still watching TV
My inner self: I'm still watching TV through my closed eye lids.

15 more minutes later:
Husband: Wake up and come to bed!
Me: I'm not sleeping. I'll be right there.
My inner self: Its way too comfy here.
Husband: I warned you.

Another hour later:
Me: Damn, I have to go to bed now.

This morning my back might be a bit sore. But the big problem is I ended up going to bed too late to take a sleeping pill and didn't sleep well again last night. Tonight, I will not fall asleep watching TV.

My husband just read this and laughed. I said to him: "you were right". He then gave me a hard time about that too.

You Know You Are Unhealthy When....

Your calendar is full of medical appointments and you never get to see your friends.

I used to work with a woman who told me that I was unhealthier than an entire floor at the local hospital combined and she didn't even know about my cancers .

But you really know when you are unhealthy when you are in a room full of people with cancer, mostly stage IV, and they consider you unhealthy. That is what happened to me yesterday.

I'm just trying to keep my sense of humor through all this.

Vanessa Bayer

I can tell you I am not Vanessa Bayer's biggest fan, because I honestly do not stay up until midnight to watch the show (waaaayyyy past my bedtime). But I am suddenly a hug fan of her openness regarding her leukemia diagnosis.

I was getting my hair cut this week and had a chance to catch up on the latest magazines, including People. 

"When Vanessa Bayer was just freshman in high school, she was diagnosed with leukemia. While the news was a shock for her and her family, Bayer says her cancer battle ultimately led her to a career in comedy.

“I wasn’t really that scared,” Bayer says in the latest issue of PEOPLE. “My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over we would joke about it too. It’s sort of messed up out of context, but it put everybody at ease. Being sick is the reason I went into comedy.”"

She went from being a Make-A-Wish kid to a career in comedy and she's still here. 

Also, I really want to say that I am so happy to hear about another person who had cancer while young and is being very open about it. I think that the world is a better place if people do not keep their illnesses quiet. There is nothing wrong with talking about your medical ailments. And you probably are a lot healthier if you do talk about your medical issues. 

But anyway, I am now one of her biggest fans.

A resolution

I have a resolution finally for the new year: I will stop using my blog as a place to whine, especially about moving. I use my blog to write about issues which matter to me which recently has included a lot of whining about moving.

Whining about things never really helps so its a non productive waste of energy. I have many other things I could waste my energy on - like going to the gym. That might help lower my stress levels it since I have a cold still again, that's not happening any time soon. That may be part of my problem. I have had a cold or ear infection or flu since the middle of December. And our moving is causing a huge amount of work and huge amount of stress. And more work and more stress.

I could blog about my health - I mean that is what my blog is supposed to be about, not about whining.

Whining is also a pretty negative way of coping. I need to cope positively, not negatively. Once the road to negativity starts, its hard to get back on to the sunny side of life positive side. Its a slippery slope and I need to stay on top of it.

I did blog about coping and sense of humor a few weeks ago. I need to get back on the humor side. I need to laugh at the crap life is dishing out more often. My husband did laugh at my hair this morning - which is helpful after a night of little sleep

One resolution is all I need for this year.

Keeping my sense of humor or coping?

Sometimes people ask me how I cope. I don't really know how I cope, I feel like I am muddling my way through life. Is that coping? Does that count?

The only thing I know I do do is that I keep my sense of humor as much as possible. If I didn't have a sense of humor, I would probably be insane.

My husband helps with this. He allows me to laugh at a lot of different things. And often at myself. At the right times. But he is also supportive of my ailments (even cooking dinner and doing laundry when needed) so I can live with that.

He likes to make fun of my morning hair. He tells me when I look like Yertle the Turtle when my hair sticks up. He tells me I am yertled. Daily. I can be in pain and achy and sore and he laughs at my hair. Sometimes he just says 'don't touch your hair, look in the mirror!'.

Right now I am recovering from the flu and we are into the last two weeks before we move. (And that rheumatoid and fibromylgia and bad back are so helpful during this.)

We finalized our countdown of what needs to be done room by room before we move. Its daunting. But we will get it done. Some how. And crack jokes as we go. Is that coping?

My doctor appointment yesterday

Yesterday I saw my knee surgeon. He operated on my right knee, formerly known as my bad knee, 15 years ago. He and his physicians assistant are very nice and have a good sense of humor, which is the most important skill any medical professional should have. I admired his tie - a Jerry Garcia. His PA cracked jokes and made fun of my use of my bad knee to climb up on the table. She told me I was supposed to lead with the good knee.

They both poked and prodded my knee. Physical therapy has helped but not enough and it has been giving way on me.

I did ask which knee was my good knee now. The doctor said the left knee was catching up to the right one (which has two meniscal tears and a partially torn ACL). He thinks there might be a meniscal tear in the left one now to go with the osteoarthritis in both. And he thinks I am too young to need a knee replacement yet.

Before leaving the doctor said does it hurt when I push here on the back of my knee? As I levitated off the table in pain, he decided it was time for an MRI and to come back and see him after.

The last thing I need in the middle of moving is knee surgery.

That bucket list thing

I never had heard of a bucket list before the movie of the same name. I did like the movie and need an assistant named Thomas to help me out sometimes. But do I need a bucket list? I am on the fence on this.

But here is this young woman in Wales who is terminally ill with breast cancer and was given 3-6 months to live, more than six months ago. She decided she was going to create a bucket list with the help of other terminally ill people. She is asking for help in figuring out what to put in her bucket list.

Some of them are:

• running naked down a busy street
• trying out her coffin dressed as Wonder Woman
• knocking over displays in stores
• riding in a race car

I would probably try those except the running part. I'm not that good at running these days.

What suggestions do I have for her?

• borrowing library books with no intentions of returning them.
• crap I can't think of anything else. 

Maybe I don't want a bucket list. But anyway. Go watch Rowena try all sorts of things and give her your suggestions if you are terminally ill.

You can read about her here.
And you can watch her here.

A little humor this morning.

I am going through a phase where my butt is dragging around because of my stupid RA and adjusting medication levels. I wasn't sure if I would be up for going to work yesterday or today. I did make it through yesterday morning and since I am up, I will go to work for a bit, probably just the morning again.

I need humor to make it through the day.

And I have to ask the question, which would be worse: being allergic to a favorite food or item or having cancer? At this point I am actually leaning toward the allergy thing. If I became allergic to red wine right now, that would really suck.

Keeping your sense of humor through it all

One of the key traits to help cope with your ailments is keeping your sense of humor through it all. If you lose your sense of humor, it will become so much harder.

I was reminded of this by this comedian who was treated at Dana Farber and then had a special show for his caregivers at the hospital.
I constantly crack jokes with the medical personnel I deal with. I have to. Otherwise, it would be too depressing. If I cannot see the humor in the number of punctures I get from regular blood tests, I might start oozing blood out all the needle holes.

• I need a frequent parker discount at the hospital's parking lot.
• All the johnnies are designed by Dr. Seymour Buttz. (Sound it out and you will get it.)
• Personally I wished they had ramps at hospitals so I could go on wheelchair rides like Curious George did.

Okay, my sense of humor is not fully developed this morning. Its Monday morning. I have chemo brain and fibro fog.

But I hope you get my point. Never lose your sense of humor. Life would be boring with out it. And cancer would suck even more.

Office Doctor

My co-workers have a sense of humor, especially about my health issues. And they don't know half of them.

Two of them were talking. One said 'go ask Caroline, she's the office doctor'. Apparently since I have 'every medical ailment known to mankind' (their words), I have the most medical experience and should be consulted on any medical ailments.

I guess I got a promotion.

Its a sad day

Robin Williams died from an apparent suicide yesterday. But I smiled after reading some of his most famous quotes. Here are some of my  favorites:

"Goooooooood morning Vietnam! It's 0600 hours. What does the 'O' stand for? O my God, it's early!" - Adrian Cronauer, Good Morning Vietnam (1987)

[Mork picks up an egg] "Hello? Hello? Anybody in there? Little hatchling brothers, you must revolt against your oppressors. You have nothing to lose but your shells."

"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

You can read the rest here.

But the sad thing is that he committed suicide after dealing with depression. I too have depression issues as do millions of other Americans. But no one wants to talk about it. Its one of those diseases, like hemorrhoids, which are embarrassing. The problem with embarrassing ailments is people don't want to talk about them. So they do not communicate them to anyone, even a doctor, which can endanger their health.

My depression got worse with my second cancer diagnosis but I probably had it for years before. But damn it, cancer is depressing. And coping with it, for a second time, isn't easy. Treatment was the answer.

I don't know more about Robin Williams' depression story and only know what I hear on the news. His humor always had a bit of an edge. But he did make us all laugh as we listened to him. It is very sad that he is now gone.

"Crying on the inside, laughing on the outside."

Shallowness has its place

When dealing with the stress, sometimes we resort to the silly side of life and satire. I mean why not? Its coping as best we can.

Shortly after my diagnosis, I read a great book called "Cancer Made Me A Shallower Person" by Miriam Engelberg. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 and died from it in 2006. When I read her book in late 2007 or early 2008, I think I threw it across the room when I figured out she died. I was mad. I was not ready for sad endings.

In the six plus years since I have often thought of this book and how I should give it a second chance. It was the first graphic novel I read so perhaps that is part of my response to it. Now, I just read this blog post on the New York Times Well section, living with cancer, Living with Cancer: "Chronic not Cured". Now I think it will read it again. I hope the library still has a copy.

I need to start my own

Not that I have any plans on going anywhere soon. But I read this obituary yesterday and, after laughing at several points, decided I need to write my own.

Someone's death, while sad, doesn't mean they should be remembered with sadness but by how they lived their  life. Walter apparently lived his life with humor and that is how he is remembered.

I want to be remembered how I am and not by little bits of information such as marital status, cause of death, blah, blah, blah. Let's keep life interesting. I better start writing stuff down now so I remember what I want to include....

I just wonder how long Walter's family will keep his ashes around. (And what are you supposed to do with someone's ashes anyway?)

Little bits of happiness in the medical worlds

The medical world does not need to be sterile and boring. Most waiting rooms have big screen tvs now. Chairs are comfier. They are trying to relax the patients a bit more.

I have been taking a family member for treatment to an area at the hospital where I haven't spent much time in a few years. I have noticed they are expanding the creature comforts for the patients and their family members. There is art. There is a lending library. There is saved seating. There is free coffee. Just nice little touches for long waits.

Then I saw this online:

A bunch of young men were seen running around a parking garage roof which is visible from the ICU rooms and oncology rooms of a Chicago hospital. I got a kick out of it. Apparently patients and providers a like did as well for its short life.

Engineering students made thousands of paper cranes for a hospital in Florida... The images are lovely and can be seen here.

While spending too much quality time at a medical facility, its nice for a little peek at something soothing or amusing.

John Hopkins did not discover a dietary cure for cancer

There are a couple of hoax emails going around that have gotten the folks over at Johns Hopkins riled up enough to write a rebuttal.

I do find this humorous in some ways. How many emails have you gotten offering you a cure for anything you want and more. Either they are based on some known item that you just need to eat more/less of or not something like not cook in saran wrap. Or they refer you to someone far away with a really long name who promises you an elixir or prayer or something else that will cure you.

There are a few things they all have in common:

• Typographical errors and misspellings.
• Bad English
• Over promising

Back in the 19th century we had quack doctors who went around the country selling their cure alls. Now they don't need the horse and buggy, they just need the internet and your email address. But just remember if its too good to be true, it probably is. Use your delete button.

There can be humor in cancer

Cancer isn't supposed to be funny. But to patients it can be. People in cancer treatment are still people. They keep their sense of humor. Here's some proof.

A 12 year old boy from Milton, MA self published a joke book while in chemotherapy. He got other children in the pediatric cancer center to leave jokes for him each day. He compiled them and published a book. You can buy a copy online here.

All proceeds from the book sale go to pediatric cancer research. For $8.95 you can get a few snickers and laughs and help a worthy cause. If you don't like jokes for kids, buy a copy and donate it to your local hospital.

Warning - I have been thinking!

I'm sorry I don't mean to do that, think that is, very often. It often gets me into trouble in one way or another.

I wrote a post the other day about how time flies and how I am coping better these days - or so it seems. Being sensitive and thoughtful (hah!) I decided it was time for some inner-contemplation on my developing coping skills.

First, am I any healthier than I was six years ago? Absolutely not. I have so many new ailments that are the chronic kind that follow me around wherever I go, I think I have lost count. I definitely have many more doctors and doctor appointments (these seem to go hand in hand) than six years ago.

I have many more surgical scars. I have the kind of scars where they went back in a second time to make sure the scar is going to stick around a long time. I have had the kind of surgery which left not one but four scars. I am going to start playing connect the dots with my scars and see what I can draw...

Back to coping, I have come up with a couple little reasons and a couple bigger reasons.

On the little reasons, I see a monthly therapist. I didn't start therapy until I was going through radiation. I did go to support groups but therapy might have helped me sooner.

I also believe in 'better living through chemistry' where I take an antidepressant daily because as my therapist puts it "I am in constant mourning for my health". This might not be a problem if my doctors stopped finding new ailments.Maybe if I stopped going to see my doctors they would stop finding new ailments.... No bad idea.

Bigger reasons why I think I am doing better. First of all for over the past two years, I have been going to the gym regularly. I used to belong to a gym where I would walk on the treadmill and look at all the other equipment and never know how to use it and I went for daily walks. I broke down a couple of years ago and joined the expensive gym for dilapidated people where they have worked with me.

Now even though my health has clearly gone down hill, I am physically in better shape with muscles and things like that. I have retained a fair amount of flexibility and have a good sense of balance so I feel less clumsy. All this makes me feel 'healthy'. I can pick things up without straining. I don't feel like I am going to trip over myself.

Finally, I think my coping skills have improved. I don't let myself get all worked up over the little things any more. Life is too short to let the little things bug me. I save that for stupid customer service people or bad drivers on the highway. Most of the rest of it, I have learned to let it run off my back. I mean I have heard more medical ailments, there are not that many new ones left that might scare me at this point.

Just or the hell of it last week I decided to see if anyone would offer me life insurance at this point. The answer I have found is not for 'any reasonable amount of money'. So maybe I am seeing the humor in things as well. That is coping too. And thinking...

I am offended

After thinking about it, I have decided I am offended. Every morning the paper is delivered (yes we read the printed newspaper) and we fight over the comics. Usually I start with the front page and then once my husband has read the comics, he passes them to me.

We both read them regularly and are convinced there is an 'Arlo and Janice' camera in our house documenting our lives which are drawn into the cartoon. We usually snicker about different ones and tell each other which ones are particularly good.

Today I was disappointed by the Bizzarro cartoon. Of course I can't find it online to link here.

Essentially it is a one eyed woman in a bra store, being told that they only sell two cup bras there. I can see the humor in a cartoon woman with one eye and then one of everything else. But from a breast cancer point of view, I can feel the offense. Many women who had mastectomies and did not opt for reconstruction would be happy with a single cup bra.

I guess I think its insensitive and I choose to be offended.