Standing Up For Myself

I have to learn that standing up for myself again.... I have to do better with that word 'no' again. There is only so much of me - not the flabby part (I have plenty of that) - my physical abilities are what is limited. I have to be careful on what I do and how much I do.

For example, I am slowly learning not to be the perfect hostess who  jumps up to help anyone who asks a question while in our house. I just can't. If I jump up for every request, I won't have any energy left. If its a good friend who wants a corkscrew, I am happy to say it is in the top drawer of the side board... If its not that close a friend, I am happy to hand them the corkscrew and let them open their own wine.

I am also learning to use the word 'no' again. If someone wants me to go some place, I need a good reason to go with them. Basically, do I really want to go. For example, if someone wants to go shopping for one of the following items, I will be happy to go, for a short while: used clothing, yarn, or plants. If its for something else, I need a good reason to go with them. I have to decide basically if its worth the effort on my part. Its amazing how something little, like out to lunch, can take a lot out of me.

My best remedy for doing to much is lying in bed. This morning I finally got out of bed at 1145AM. I did go to bed around 945PM. So that's only 14 hours of rest. We did have a few friends over for dinner last night and I probably spent too much time getting ready. But that long lying down made me feel like a new(er) person. Today I have finally made it to my computer at 1pm. I will be lazy the rest of the day as I plan on how I will use the word 'no' this week.

I really have to get better at standing up for myself.

Sometimes We Just Don't Care Anymore

Yesterday I ran into a friend and we chatted for a while. I have been dealing with my usual ups and downs health wise and some emotional crap. She has also been through a round of health stuff and emotional stuff. We caught up on the most important things going on in our lives for a few minutes and touched on some of the items we have been coping with. We both said sometimes we just don't care anymore.

Call it being overwhelmed. Call it whatever you want. But we just don't care. As a professional patient, sometimes you get so inundated that you really don't give a s**t about anything. Coping with our lives gets so complicated that we just don't care, unless there was something near term fatal, there is nothing that is that important.

I have my annual physical this week and we will talk about my back pains and maybe I should have more imaging on it. Maybe I should have a lot more imaging and testing but I really don't want it now. Unless my doctor tells me I need immediate treatment for something so I don't die, I'm happy to wait. I have so many ailments that how can I have anything more?

My friend, who also has gone through her own personal roller coaster, agreed with me. Right now, she only wants to take a couple vacations and doesn't want to think about emotional or health issues for a while. After she does some travelling, we are going to get together at the end of October for coffee to catch up. Maybe by then we both will care about things again.