A Conversation

I had a conversation with myself last night, with a few insights from my husband. Let me say I was very tired yesterday. I didn't get through my whole workout and my husband cooked dinner.

After dinner, I made a mistake. I should have gone to bed and not sat down to watch TV by myself. This was the conversation:

Me: I'll just watch a little more TV and then go to bed.
Husband: Don't fall asleep in the living room (or you will be cranky tomorrow because your back will hurt.
Me: Of course not. I'll be there soon.
My inner self: Of course I'll be there in a few minutes but I need to get comfy for a bit.

30 minutes later:
Husband: Don't fall asleep out there. You will be cranky. Come to bed.
Me: I'll be right there. Don't bug me.
My inner self: Just a little more snoozing.
Husband: Are you sleeping? 
Me: No. I'm still watching TV
My inner self: I'm still watching TV through my closed eye lids.

15 more minutes later:
Husband: Wake up and come to bed!
Me: I'm not sleeping. I'll be right there.
My inner self: Its way too comfy here.
Husband: I warned you.

Another hour later:
Me: Damn, I have to go to bed now.

This morning my back might be a bit sore. But the big problem is I ended up going to bed too late to take a sleeping pill and didn't sleep well again last night. Tonight, I will not fall asleep watching TV.

My husband just read this and laughed. I said to him: "you were right". He then gave me a hard time about that too.

'Chasing Life' or Coping with a Cancer Diagnosis

I have been watching a new show on ABC Family called 'Chasing Life'. I was drawn to it for two reasons - its based in Boston and its about someone with cancer. I always like to check out the shows based locally - to see how good or bad a job they do. This one doesn't even attempt Boston accents which is good (because they never get them right) and is entire unrealistic in that a three generation family lives in a townhouse on Beacon Hill, which probably lists for a few million.

Here is the 'official' show description:

"Chasing Life follows twenty-something April (Italia Ricci), a smart and quick-witted aspiring journalist, who is trying to work her way up the ladder at a Boston newspaper by trying to impress her hard-nosed editor. When not pursuing the latest scoop, April tries to balance her ambitious career with her family – her widowed mom Sara, rebellious little sister Brenna and her grandmother. Just as things start to look up at work, home and on the romance front with co-worker Dominic, April gets the devastating news from an estranged uncle that she has cancer."

But I digress. What I do like about it is that the star, April, is coping with a diagnosis of leukemia. While yes there is the drama of a boyfriend, a BFF who is a drama queen, a bunch of family crap which can be entertaining, the issue of coping with a cancer diagnosis resounds with me.

I have watched the first two episodes and she has only told her BFF about her diagnosis and can't seem to find the right time to tell anyone else. She can't find the words, she can't find the time, she doesn't  know what to say. Her mother, sister, grandmother, co-workers, and boyfriend do not know.


While I fear the show is playing off what I feel is the latest trend that it is 'hip' to have cancer coming out of Hollywood - there seem to be more and more movies and shows about this - I can relate to this one. I dreamed about how she is dealing vs how I dealt with sharing my cancer news. As someone who went through the issues she is facing, I feel the show is realistic in its depiction of the issues. Usually if someone hasn't walked the walk with coping with cancer, they cannot talk the talk.

I plan to continue watching the show and am optimistic it will not deteriorate into fluff or stupidity. I am a few episodes behind which are safely stored on the Tivo until I get to them.

Supplements and Dr Oz and other medical inspirationalists

The decline of the TV doctor....Or more specifically false advertising of miracle treatments...


Dr Oz and others have gotten rich by using 'flowery language' to promote supplements for weight loss. Green coffee extract? Didn't Oprah make him famous in the first place? That's another show for medical information... Dr Oz is currently spending his days at the US Senate defending his language and promotion of supplements that do exactly nothing and making scam arts rich.

The problem with these fad supplements are several:

• Supplements are not tested and approved by the FDA and can contain toxic ingredients and can interact with prescription medication. The message here is do not use them without talking to your doctor.
• Scammers and others quickly hop on the bandwagon and get rich off the people who believe in what they see on TV.

"Just because you see a supplement product on a store shelf does NOT mean it is safe or effective," the FDA website says. "When safety issues are suspected, FDA must investigate and, when warranted, take steps to have the product removed from the market. However, it is much easier for a firm to get a product on the market than it is for FDA to take a product off the market."

While Dr Oz is grilled in Washington, we just need to remember what we have been told previously. Don't believe what  you see on TV or read online.

A Post on the Olympics

My blog wouldn't be complete with out a post on the Olympics. At this point, I am waiting for the gamesmaker or Professor Dumbledore to show up and a few deatheaters hanging in the shadows.

I have seen all the pictures of the tiny athlete village beds, the athlete stuck first in the bathroom and second in the elevator, and the nasty colored water which I wouldn't want to use to flush the toilet, never mind personal hygiene.

I have sort of followed the events - I simply do not have that much time in my life to watch that many sporting events.  I have watched a few things that I find interesting and rarely seen.

But what I do miss about them, is being able to do many of the sports that they show. I must say I have never been anywhere near as good as any Olympian or other professional but I could  hold my own for many of them.

I have cross country skied, I have down hill skied, I have even run the gates a few times in slalom and giant slalom. I did like to ski the moguls but was not into losing contact with the snow for jumping. I used to ice skate and spent many hours in a practice rink. I was in shows but not in competitions. I also used to snow shoe, winter hike and all those things that involved being outside in the snow.

February 1, 2003 was one of the last days I went down hill skiing. I remember the date because the space shuttle crashed and we would learn little details from each other on the chair lift. I had a great day of skiing but my right knee with its partially torn ACL and my then boyfriend now husband both protested the event. I greatly curtailed my down hill adventures after that.

I continued my cross country and snowshoeing through the following years with my boyfriend/husband. A badly sprained ankle three miles into the woods of NH didn't help my body any.

Five years and two weeks ago was my last attempt at significant winter adventures. My husband and I headed to an annual trip outside Lake Placid in the Adirondacks. On the way out of the woods, my back would give me so much pain I was doubled over and had to head back.

Now my adventures are limited to short snow shoe treks from the house. With RA and fibromyalgia and back issues combined with everything else, has turned me into the viewer and not the participant. I have gotten rid of much of my outdoor sports gear as I realize that I should not physically even try any of them due to potential danger to my body and increased risks of falls because of my ailments.

However I wouldn't mind a few deatheaters flitting on through combined with the gamesmaker who could throw in a few twists to make things more interesting. But between pouring rain, fog, and 60 degree temperatures I am not sure the Olympics need anything more.

I'll keep watching. I'm not sure when they even end. I just know they go on and on and on and I can watch them until they end....

DVR/Tivo dependency

Before breast cancer, I was perfectly happy with out cable tv and without recording certain shows. I would stay up late and watch shows and I would use commercials for food and bathroom breaks. 

Now I am a DVR/Tivo junky. I have probably nearly 20 shows I record and watch while too tired to do anything else. I am a fan of reality TV. (There I admitted it.) I prefer cooking shows, HGTV and Lifetime movies (but sometimes I think they take the same plot and recreate a new movie).

I realize technology has changed in the last six years as well but I am dependent.

Last night to my dismay I found out on Facebook that a favorite show had started a new season weeks ago and I DIDN'T KNOW IT!'We recently switched from a DVR to a Tivo due to technical issues and had to set up all our recordings again. Apparently I am not perfect. I will have to watch two episodes online before catching up on the TV.

See my dependency? Its a good thing I only work three days a week so I have time to watch all my shows.

My Olympics

In the midst of the 2012 London Olympics here is my version. The opening ceremony was on too late at night. I did not want to spend 5 hours in front of the television watching it until midnight. It would also interfere with my regular TV viewing. So I took the easy way out and DVR'd the opening ceremonies that were aired about 2 am.

Saturday morning we went to watch the history-of-England-set-in-Bag-End-with-deatheaters-highlighted-by-Mr-Bean-and-Paul-McCartney misery. I was really looking forward to the parade of teams coming into the stadium but it was trimmed from Bosnia to Uruguay or so with all the other countries cut out. Wah! I could have skipped the Harry Potter visits Bilbo Baggins and watched the other countries. I should have recorded the other version.

Then began the men's swimming and water polo where very fit healthy people accomplish feats that I couldn't do when I was healthy in Speedos. I convinced my husband to watch the Olympics when the women's beach volley ball came on proving his California background by commentating for me. Yesterday I skipped most of it (so I could go to the beach) and caught up with the morning news. I will watch tonight to get the women's gymnastics teams. Don't laugh but I wouldn't mind seeing the synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics at some point.You never see them anywhere else.

I admit I am looking forward to the end of the Olympics all ready. I wouldn't mind seeing some more but they go on for more than two weeks. I just admire the athleticism on all their part.

An Example of Coping

Yesterday, courtesy of my lifeline, the DVR, I watched a recent episode of The Closer called 'Relative Matters'. Originally I wasn't such a big fan of the show but it has grown on me and I watch it regularly. In this episode, Kyra Sedgewick's (the star) father is diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

It throws the family for a loop and shows their coping from all sides - patient and family members. The emotions they all go through are shown in towering rage and tears. After tears, one of the first things Kyra does is to run to a medical examiner for advice on how serious the diagnosis is. I am interested to see how this story continues through the season as I feel it is a fairly accurate depiction.

Although I can't show the entire episode because I don't have access through my internet provider you can watch it here (meaning I don't have the power). In the meantime, here is a five minute preview which shows a bit of it (which I can't even embed because again I don't have the power). I actually like the idea of a little publicity for this relatively rare cancer that is increasing in incidence.

On another note, if you are unsure what the thyroid actually does, here is a pretty good description of its power and how messed up it can make us lucky people who live without one.

The Big C

So in its infinite wisdom, Showtime has introduced a new show - 'The Big C'. Its a comedy. It has a love interest for the woman who is receiving treatment. What the hell were they thinking?

Let's start with the beginning. Thank you for reintroducing the euphemism that we have spent generations trying to erase. The Big C was a death sentence. It had no cure. It was whispered by adults so children or anyone nearby wouldn't hear. It was an embarrassment to have a family member with cancer. It was hidden. They called it the big C so they didn't have to say the word. But now Showtime has brought it back into every day language. For this we thank them?

Next, its a comedy. They are trying to find humor in the main character's situation. Granted life goes on and life does contain its humorous moments. You do best while in treatment if you can keep your sense of humor. But its not a funny situation. Losing your hair. Feeling like crap. Having no energy. Nausea. Its not exactly a high point in one's life. If someone going through treatment can see humor in their life that's fine. But its not a situation for a comedy.

Finally, a love interest for a cancer patient? Who's married? Not happening. You are losing your hair. You are trying not to lose your lunch. YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE FLIRTING.

Yes people as a whole are much more open about cancer than in the past. It is openly talked about by many. But it is not funny, in any way, shape or form.

I should point out that after cancer treatment, many find it too painful to read about others with cancer in books. It took me along time to do be able to read a fiction book with a character with cancer. If a new book or movie comes out where a character has cancer, it is discussed in support groups and among cancer friends - should I see it, will I be able to cope? Why would I want to watch someone else going through cancer?

I admit I watched and enjoyed 'The Bucket List' but I watched it after hearing from many friends about it. And it was a comedy. But both main characters were very believable. They may have done a lot but they both were dying and they knew it. They didn't have a 'romantic' interest. They knew the clock was ticking. We were laughing with them. They called it cancer. It wasn't the big 'C'.

I won't be subscribing to Showtime anytime soon. Thanks but no thanks.