Retirement

A friend emailed me yesterday and asked how is retirement? I can honestly say I have never been so busy in my life. This is my life: 

• Monday, Wednesday, Friday I go to the gym - the gym is now 25 minutes away so its not around the corner any more. And there is not another gym like it anywhere closer. Going to the gym is more like PT for me and is very important in my life.
• Wednesdays I do grocery shopping for us and my parents.
• Thursday I have my knitting group which is in the opposite direction 20 minutes away. 

Never mind any doctor appointments I might have - this week on Wednesday and Thursday. Or errands, the library, or anything else.

Today I am flat out: 830 am dentist, 10 am conference call to help train one of my replacements at my old job, and then 12 noon leave to help at the cancer center and my knitting group. I'll be home at 4 pm when I want to make a Cinco de Mayo dinner.

I also need to allow down time in my life so that I can actually rest to recover from whatever else I have been doing. Today, I will fit that in. Actually what I do is watch more Hallmark and Lifetime movies than I ever thought I would. I sit or lie on the sofa or bed and watch a movie (or DVR'd shows) so I can rest. This is when I get caught up on my knitting and reading.

When I have a busy day where I go to the gym and the grocery store and a doctor appointment, I take little breaks all the time. I sit in my car with my eyes closed and seat back for a bit. Or at the gym I lie on one of the stretching tables for a few minutes. And then I come home and collapse for a bit. The cats like this life style. They can take their naps with me nearby.

I do not know how I could work as well. Actually I know I could not work because I really can't do anything that takes more than 3 hours out of the house before I need to rest. I could have a job if there was a bed nearby for 30 minute rests after each hour of work. And if my work shifts lasted no more than 3 hours so I could go home. Working from home would be the same schedule which does not allow for much productivity. If you have a job that I could do like that, feel free to let me know. As long as it pays at least $30/hour.

The big reveal

I have worked at my  job for almost 6.5 years and am leaving in five weeks. Well I will work remotely one day a week and come in once a month until my replacement is found. Which I assume will take until spring.

I have made friends at work as I have been there so long. They make fun of  my health regularly. And they only know half of it. Yesterday's joke was that I have more ailments than all the patients on the first floor of the local hospital combined. We laugh about it. They wonder how I can laugh about it and I say I have to laugh about it because I really do not have any other choices.

But they really do not know all about my health. They know I have a bad back, fibromyalgia, and rheumatoid arthritis. They do not know about cancer and all the rest. I have decided what I will do when I am done working there is I will give two of my co-workers a link to my blog so they can keep in touch and follow along with the rest of the disasters in my health (unless I miraculously get cured).

In the past, I have never shared my medical crap with my co-workers. I have always felt it doesn't belong in the workplace and I might some day want a reference for another job. At this point, I am retiring and hope to apply for disability social security. I don't plan on needing another job reference because I don't think I can continue to work at all.

So finally I can reveal my medical history to anyone I want to with out fearing any impact on my professional life. I mean who wants to hire someone as unhealthy as me?

So what do you want to do with the rest of your life?

Cancer diagnoses interfere with long term planning on many levels. For a while I wasn't sure I would be around for retiring. My husband and I have relatively vague plans to pay off the house and then retire sooner as opposed to later but probably not for a while yet.

Last night I went out with an old friend from junior high. She got out of college and got a job where her father worked for a year or two. She has been there for more than years and plans on retiring in a few more. Her husband has stage IV colon cancer and she doesn't want to have worked through the last years of his life. They have even met with a financial planner to discuss this.

Her big plans are to take a year off - something she hasn't ever done, even when her child was born - and do nothing. She hopes to eventually maybe volunteer at a food pantry, go back to work part time, or come up with a hobby to keep her busy. They want to downsize their main house and keep their vacation house and split their time between the two. She has plans for the rest of her life.

What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Stop going to the (damn) doctors. Stop being in pain. Feeling better. Retiring quietly to garden and knit with my husband (he won't be knitting) someplace where we can sit on the porch and admire the view. Too bad I don't have any details on this yet. Maybe its time to start planning.

Cancer and long term planning

With a cancer diagnosis, one starts having many little conversations with oneself and reevaluates many things that had previously been taken for granted in life. Some of those are very profound,  'its time to take charge of my life', for example, and others are less so 'its time to go to Europe that I've always talked about'.

But one of those items in life that seems to get reevaluated is 'if I have cancer, how important is retirement saving and planning?'. 'How am I supposed to save for retirement and pay medical bills?' And you cut back on your working hours so you can get to appointments. Money is tight.

But the real question is 'with cancer, will I even be here for retirement?'. Clearly retirement planning takes a hit. The younger you are, the less real it can seem.

Yesterday my husband came home from work (where its all top secret so he can't tell me much) in a cranky mood because he felt it was another long and boring day. (My point to him is they pay you to be there. But I digress) Anyway, one of  us mentioned how many more years of this would there be to put up with as we are getting up there in age.

The thought then occurred to me, we never figured out what the hell we are doing when we retire. To be fair, we got married nine years ago and two years later I was diagnosed with breast cancer and all thoughts of retiring were put aside. So now we have no plan. This isn't to say we aren't saving for retirement, we are. But we never figured out our plan.

What are our goals before we retire? Pay off the house first. Then what? Where do we want to retire? Close to good medical care for me of course. But do we want to keep the house, buy a second retirement place someplace? What do we want to do when we retire? We need hobbies and plans. Sitting around together will quickly lead to a body or a divorce.

We realize we need to start planning and thinking and agreeing on some things. It shouldn't be hard but we need to start.

Maybe now I am in a mental place where retirement seems realer again. I am getting closer to the age. My health certainly isn't going to let me keep working for another 20 years. Another cancer blip might change everything all over again but while we can, I think we need to do some long term planning for ourselves and look forward to some happy, healthy years together.

Semi retirement

As a result of my health disasters changes through the past six months, I am going into semi retirement. This does not mean I am going to stop working completely - SEMI retirement only. Instead of working two jobs - one 20 hours/week and the other 18 hours/week, as of May 10, I will work one job 18 hours/week.

It was a big decision that I really thought about. I had to choose which job to leave. I made my decision based on the fact that one job is completely 9-5 and the other job requires nights and weekends and running around town picking things up, delivering things, attending events.

I cannot go from one job to the other job as I used to. These days, after one job, I need a nap and to rest for a few hours before making dinner. If I overdo things, I am in pain for days. Pain makes me cranky. My husband hates it when I'm cranky. It also means he has to cook dinner more often han h e wants.

I have a month or so to go for this transition. I am happy to know that they do have replacements for me.One of my big concerns was how would the organization handle my leaving? I know I provide a lot of the day to day energy to it and without me, it could take a big hit.

It took two people to replace me but that is probably better for the Center in the long term. One person starts right around my official last day and the other one starts a few weeks later so I will be available to help with training and explaining so they Center can do well.

Some day I  may be better enough so that I can go back to more work but for now I have decided this is what I need to do. I am not retiring, I am semi retiring where I will still work, but have more time for doctor appointments and naps.

Semi retirement

I have decided my life has entered a phase of semi-retirement. Now this may change in the future if my RA will get under control and my fibro decides to go away or some other miracle occurs. This means I have cut back on many things that I do.

I no longer mind playing the wimp. I need to take my husband's computer to the repair shop because he got an evil virus which tells him the FBI wants him and they really don't (or at least not that we know). My husband will put the computer in the car this morning. I will drive over and double park out front and go in and tell them I need assistance getting it out of the car - waving my arm with my wrist splint on it. I used to suck it up and try to carrying things I probably shouldn't.

I have become a firm believer in PJs at 5pm. And if my husband can be 'persuaded' to cook dinner while I can be lazy.

I am no longer a supporter of the 35-40 hour work week. I support the 18 hour work week plus a few hours if I am able.

I no longer believe evenings are good for social events and activities. Weekends are just fine. I can't get in my PJs at 5 if I have to go out later.

Why am I semi-retiring? Because I need my nap time. Today I am being lazy. I have a dr apt at 945 and them am getting my nails done at 11. I also have to drop off the computer, go to the book store, and have a webinar from home, but that is plenty for today. I am exhausted this morning and I slept well  last night.

We had dinner guests Saturday night (take out Chinese) and a pot luck brunch on Sunday. Monday I worked for my requisite 6 hours and met a friend for a walk. Yesterday I worked my 6 hours and went to the gym for probably 75% of my work out. Then I ran an hour meeting. I got home and needed to go to bed. I was wiped out.

My goal by the end of today is that I am recovered and revived but it will take a lot of quiet time.

My long term goal is to get my RA under control and my fibro managed so I can resume having a social life. But for that I will have to be the patient patient.