Favorites During Chemo

When you are starting chemo, you are warned not to eat your favorite foods during chemo because if chemo makes them taste bad you will never be able to enjoy them again. It's also true of activities that you are able to enjoy doing during chemo.

When I was in chemo, I spent a lot of quality time watching bad tv with the cat sitting next to me. The cat would sit next to me all the time. Watching tv was okay because I could barely focus and could watch the same movies over and over again. They were peripherals.

I still have not eaten one shrimp or scallions. If I smelled scallions during chemo I would have to leave the room because of the smell.  I used to love shrimp and don't really remember eating them much during chemo, but I can't stand them these days.

During chemo, I started knitting and crocheting. This has since lead to weaving and an unhealthy stash of yarn. I don't crochet as muss I used to but I definitely knit and weave. I enjoy them. I find it relaxing. I also enjoy finding colors and texture that work together, or figuring out a new pattern.

But then when knitting or weaving, if I start to think about how I got involved in them again it makes me sad and think about chemo again, and cancer and go back down that cancer road again. Which really sucks in some ways.

But I try to make myself forget all about it and push it out of my brain so I can enjoy myself doing the things I like. Cancer can really suck!

Thoughts on tanning

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that I will work on getting a tan while on vacation. I went back and reread yesterday's before writing today's and that kind of leaped out at me.

Tanning is not considered a healthy activity. It might cause wrinkles and skin cancer decades later. I have never fake baked, use spray on tans or been to a tanning salon. But I like a little color on my pale, look like I live under a rock, natural skin pallor. I also burn quite easily.

The best tan I have ever had in my life was when I spent a week in the Bahamas, snorkeling, water skiing, and moving around constantly. I wore sunscreen every day and never sat in the sun and didn't burn at all. But I was an awesome light tan color by the time I left. I have never had such a good even tan in my life.

So now, I do not expect myself to be able to move around as constantly, I will wear sun screen and move around as much as I can so I can tan lightly. But I am more in wrinkle avoidance than skin cancer avoidance mode.

Cancer makes you ask 'how long will I live' and 'how important are those long term goals'. Retirement savings, and other goals, become less significant after a cancer diagnosis, but then as you feel better, time passes since diagnosis, and the medical bills subside, they then return to prominence in your life. Priorities change as we age and cope with the medical disasters thrown our way.

My one chemo summer regret is that I didn't work on my tan more to prevent that lovely 'chemo pallor'. If you are a stage IV cancer person, I encourage you to get a 'healthy' tan.

Yes you may call me crazy

So what things are bad for my dilapidated body? Standing, lifting, spending long periods of time walking around, etc.

And what have I done? Back in 2007 during chemo, a friend told me I needed a hobby so I relearned how to knit and crochet. Voila, I became addicted and have a giant yarn stash. So I started selling my scarves and such at local craft shows.

I started in 2012 with one show, last year with 5 or so, this year I think I have 8. Or maybe its 9. In addition to knitting, I have started making hair pieces and clips reusing old clip on earrings. (I hope someone likes them besides me.)

What am I thinking? My back hurts this morning already before I am leaving. I will be standing on a hard floor all day, after bending, lifting, and carrying for a couple hours. I am sure I will be in 'perfect' condition by the end of the show.

And then I need to stop by the outlet mall and buy a pair of new sneakers. (Another non-friendly back activity).

Tomorrow, it will be a repeat. Except this show will be 15 minutes from home instead of 45 minutes.

Monday I will do a lot of sitting around and taking pain meds and icing my back.

All of this is self inflicted so you may feel free to call me crazy.

But craft shows allow me to have a creative outlet who's benefits have been researched and noted - knitting can be as beneficial as meditating - and raise a little cash to buy more yarn. And knit more.

Welcome to my life outside of cancerland

I do have a life outside of cancerland and being a patient. Actually I do lots of things but one of them is a direct result of having breast cancer. I knit and crochet. It helps pass the time between doctor appointments or waiting for test results.

Back in the fall of 2007, I must have been very whiny because a friend told me I needed a hobby. I started crocheting again. Then knitting. Then everyone in my family got a scarf, maybe even a bad one.Then I started giving them to my friends. Then I amassed a huge pile of scarves.

Somewhere in there a nice woman named, Lorna Miser, contacted me through my blog and wanted to quote me in her upcoming knitting book. She sent me some very nice yarn as a thank you. It's really nice yarn!

This week her book Knit Pink for Comfort, Gratitude, and Charity, showed up, with me quoted on page 43. Maybe my next hobby should be photography.

Last year I went out on a limb and tried having a table at a couple of craft shows. I did okay. I tried a couple more this year.

Now I am signed up for four more craft shows in the next 9 days. call me suicidal if you want. But please come visit me and buy scarves.

Then when I am done with my scarves I can finish the blanket for our bed that I started in July.

Thanks

Helping your cause or not

Yesterday at work a co-worker said she was trying to find a pink tool set for her home repair inept daughter who was moving into her own place. She said that Komen (for the Cure) had them. I said to her that she should not buy from Komen as their money does not go to cancer research but to pinkification and events. She hadn't realized this and was glad I told her.

She is someone who has never had breast cancer (yes I really do know people who have never had cancer) and was really out of the whole cancer conversation. Her husband had prostate cancer but that doesn't have a pinkified bandwagon to hop on. But I digress. She will find the pink tool set from another source and not give money to Komen.

[And why does Komen sell pink tool kits any way? I mean how is that helping breast cancer awareness and research? Really?]

You may not know this about me but I have become addicted to knitting and crocheting. I am a member of SABLE (Stash Acquired Beyond Life Expectancy). I have realized the depths of my addiction and have started selling my wares at local craft shows. I try to sell at craft shows that are fundraisers for local schools or other organizations. I have done three shows this year - two benefiting schools and one a temple.

I am now signed up for three more shows - two to benefit schools and one which is a fundraiser for a team in the Relay for Life in Smithfield, RI. I had two shows to pick from that day - one for a school and one for the ACS. It was a no brainer for me. I went with the one for the ACS. I can't always afford to donate to as many causes as I have in the past these days but this way I am donating to a cause that really means a lot to me.

I find this to be a really creative way to raise funds for a worthy cause.

Keeping the brain alert

Keeping your mind alert is supposed to help with memory and other effects of aging. I hae always been a fan of crosswords and sudoku. Six years ago while I was in chemo a friend told me I needed a hobby (so I would stop calling her so often to whine I think) but she meant well.

I had learned to crochet, knit, sew, and embroider back in elementary school a long time ago.  About 14 years ago I decided to ask my sister in law for help in relearning crocheting as she is very crafty. I started a baby blanket. In chemo it then made sense to try crocheting again. I made scarves for the whole family. Then I added knitting and made scarves for lots of friends. Then I kept knitting.

Now I have millions (not exactly) of scarves and cowls (infinity scarves) to sell. So I started going to craft shows to sell them (so I can buy more yarn).

Now when I go to craft shows I ended up in so much pain that I had to spend the day in bed yesterday. I do feel better but still achy. So I am keeping my brain active but my body may not be able to keep up. Anyone want to buy a scarf?

Oh CRAP, I did do that!

I am not a creative person at all. I can draw stick figures, barely. At one point I was in 4H and Girl Scouts and learned to sew, knit, crochet, embroider, and needlepoint. I might have won a 4H ribbon or two but they were given to all entries. That phase of my life changed around Junior High when I moved on to more esoteric pursuits - boys, figure skating, etc.

A few decades later, my brother and sister in law started having children. She, my sister in law, is a very crafty person. I enlisted her help in picking out yarn and a pattern to make a baby blanket for her second child - my nephew who is now 14 and nearly 6' tall. That baby blanket was never finished and now would only be of use to him for his children in another 15 years or so. It is now in a bag somewhere....

Then I got married, life got chaotic, I got cancer and I guess I was annoying my friends so much while I was home dealing with chemo, that one of them, Judie, said to me 'you need a hobby'. I agreed, calling friends while they are at work, reading bad novels, and watching bad reality television wasn't going to get me through chemo any easier.

I went back to crochet. I got some yarn and a few crochet hooks. Then I got more yarn, some knitting needles. I discovered the evil benefits of the sale section of yarn stores. Everyone in my family got a scarf for Christmas that year. Then all my friends got a scarf for their birthday.

Then I discovered I am addicted to yarn and knitting and crocheting. I have bags of finished products. I have more bags of UFOs (unfinished objects). I have even more bags of yarn (an unofficial member of SABLE - Stash Acquired Beyond Life Expectancy). I have switched to larger projects to slow down my production as I have enough scarves and cowls knit for a couple seasons of holiday craft shows.

I am finishing a knit crazy child's blanket where I will sew together a multitude of triangles and finish with a pale yellow edge. I am just starting a patchwork blanket for our bed which will be in squares of the same yarn knit in different patterns sewn together. This should take me most of the rest of the summer.

I like knitting and crocheting - its relaxing and non-fattening. 

Some where along the line I would often see information on creative arts classes to help people with cancer heal and cope. I would say that is so not me as I only draw stick figures. Besides I am not someone who feels the need to scrap book, decorate my house with handmade 'what-nots' (or dust collectors). I am not creative. I don't need those classes.

Slowly it has dawned on me. CRAP, I did do that. I did use creative arts to help heal and cope. And I didn't need a class for it. I just need more yarn stores for more yarn to fuel my addiction and increase my stash.

I am being daring

Today I will be daring. On several fronts.

Back when I was in chemo a friend of mine told me to stop whining and get a hobby. I took up crocheting and then knitting.  Well back when I was in 4H and girl scouts I learned to crochet, knit, embroider, needlepoint and a few more girly-suitable-to-the-1960's (am I really that old?) skills. I hadn't thought of them in decades. When my sister in law was pregnant with my first nephew, I got inspired to crochet a baby blanket and took a stab at crocheting with her help and bought yarn and materials. Suffice to say he is 14 and the baby blanket now resides in a closet somewhere about 2" wide.

During chemo, I thought it might be time to finish the damn baby blanket. At that point my nephew was 9 and I knew he would no longer appreciate a baby blanket but he did have younger siblings. I promptly gave up on that blanket and started crocheting like mad. I started making scarves for family members. My addiction grew to encompass knitting - it was creative and non-fattening. The following year all my friends got scarves as well.

Since then, I have been making a stock pick to end all stock piles. I have a yarn stash that puts me clearly in as a member of SABLE (Stash Acquired Beyond Life Expectancy) even without cancer twice life expectancy. I have developed an addiction to yarn. I have a giant bag of yarn - you know those giant bags for storing comforters... Its almost full.

Now I have to go on the offense and get rid of my scarves so I can buy more yarn to fuel my addiction. I contemplated selling them in a local store on consignment but that didn't work out. I also thought about selling online at Etsy and that would have been a lot of work. Those would have been the easy way out. I wouldn't need to face down customers critiquing my products. I mean what if they don't like them? And say it to my face? "Gee her work is really not very good". Could I handle that? I'm not sure. I could also play the cancer card - I took up knitting and crocheting during chemo after my second cancer diagnosis so don't buy them for the quality but buy them out of pity.

So I was brave and daring on two counts and signed up for a local craft fair at a nearby school. My two counts of daring are: can I face my customers - I mean they could tell me my stuff sucks or is overpriced and not buy it. Ever. And can my body withstand a five hour craft fair? I will be  manning a booth by myself for the duration. I am equipped with a chair, a water bottle, a little bag of oranges (after a good healthy breakfast), some pain pills, and my cell phone to call my husband if I need to be bailed out.

I prefer to keep to the background but this will certainly put me out in public. So I will suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and face the music.

PS Please come to the Peirce School today by 2pm....