I'm Tired

I'm watching the new season of Top Chef so I can say I got myself in the weeds for rest this week. I think the term of being in the weeds is a restaurant kitchen term. It started when I had a two day craft show last weekend, followed by houseguests all week. They were my cousins and I was glad to see them. But I didn't get enough rest.

Today I'm staying in bed and resting. For tomorrow's craft show and a friend's party. And making brownies for the party.

But in the meantime, I am lying in bed as long as I can today.

I Did It Again

Yes, I did it again. I over did things. I have to recover by spending a day in bed. I have lots of yarn to knit. I have an ice pack for my knee. I did some of my exercises. And I do plan to get up and take a shower eventually. But I have no plans to do much else today.

We have a house guest again, one of my cousins. Yesterday we did what both of us consider to be fun. We went to an estate sale which had some craft materials and the New England Quilt Museum (worth a stop if you are near). My cousin quilts and I am a craft junkie who is about to add quilting to my repertoire. It was very nice to get out of the house and do something fun. I have been trapped at home too much as I can't drive for another 12 days.

By 3 pm I was exhausted. My left foot really hurt. I am not really weight bearing on my right leg, or weight bearing as tolerated. We had explored the museum - right now embroidered and embellished quilts going back to the early 19th century - and then stopped by their library where they were selling quilting books. I got a few so I can learn how to assemble the quilt that is in my brain (but not yet created).

We got back home around 330 and I had to lie down for close to 1.5 hours before heading out for dinner. I was a tiny bit tired by the time we got home last night. After 11 hours sleep, I definitely need to stay off my feet for the balance of today. Of course its the first nice, warm, sunny day out there. But I will stay in bed until we head out for dinner again tonight.

That's the thing with house guests, we end up going out to eat a lot. Its fattening. And I can't get any exercise.

I am having a lazy day as a result of yesterday. I just took a shower. I ate some breakfast and made a dinner reservation... I think I need to nap.

I Need A Day In Bed

I am exhausted. I have been too busy. I can't keep up with my last few days.

My husband came home from his business trip on Thursday night late. I stayed up to wait for him so I didn't get enough sleep. Friday he took the day off and we went to the grocery store, the library, PT, and more. Friday night my brother and his girlfriend showed up - after I went to bed so I got up and talked to them for a bit. Saturday I had a craft show and we left the house at 7am. I wasn't home until 530 and then we went to my parents for dinner. Sunday I had a craft show and we left the house at 8am. I got home at 5pm. Then we went out to dinner with my family. This morning my husband went to work and I had breakfast with my brother and his girlfriend before they left around 9am.

Now I have a plan for the day:

• Lie in bed for most of the day
• Do my PT exercises at least twice today so I can tell them truthfully I have been doing the when I go back tomorrow afternoon.
• Keep my feet up for most of the day.
• Catch up on a little bit of paperwork after my craft show
• Talk to my attorney about my upcoming disability hearing.
• Not eat any more cannolis until Walter gets home tonight.

I am physically exhausted from being at the craft shows and on my feet too much.So my feet hurt from my RA. 

The problem is I should be tidying up for the cleaning people who are coming tomorrow. I think that won't happen. I think I will do the basics tomorrow morning and go with that. I just don't have the energy.

And I have to prepare for upcoming house guests. Ether three or four cousins will be visiting between now and Thanksgiving and staying here at different times. Well, two might come together. But that is a lot of house guests. I'll plan on lots of naps.

Bump

Sunday morning is special around here. We used to get the paper daily but now just don't have time to read it. So the Sunday paper is special. I get to spread it out and read as much as I want. We also tend to make a nice breakfast to eat together.

But this Sunday was a bit different. I was still in my pajamas and barefoot and headed back to our room to get something. As I stepped into our room and stepped on a piece of tulle from one of my craft projects. That was a bit slippery and my feet went one way and I went the other.

The resulting damage was from the fact that I landed on my hip, elbow, knee, and shoulder.... I took the ice packs my husband got me and went back to bed to read the paper. I took it easy for a few hours. Later we went out to dinner with my family until my back started complaining and I decided I really didn't feel that well.

Of course I didn't want to go to the doctor about a fall because they would add it to my record as a fall. If you are a fall risk in the hospital, they give you bright orange or yellow wrist bands and make you stay in bed until someone can walk you ten feet to the bathroom. I hate going to the hospital because of a fall. I don't want that label.

After thinking about it, I decided that I also probably hit my head, either on the floor or the door. Monday morning, I decided I needed to take it easy and skipped the gym. I did go to physical therapy for my neck. I told the therapist about my fall and he asked me if I lost consciousness or not. I said no and he told me if I didn't feel well again today I should go to the doctor.

So I went to the hospital and saw a nurse practitioner. She sent me for a CT scan to make sure there was no bleeding on my brain. (Of course being a cancer person, my real fear was that there was a bad thingie up there.)

I am fine and there is no lasting damage. But even though it technically it isn't a concussion, I should treat it as one. This means no gym. No PT. Just rest and take care of myself. All from a little fall and bump on my head.

I took a day off

I took a day off from basically everything. Everyone is entitled to a break once in a while. Saturday we went to the beach for a few hours and out for clams. Yesterday I was lazy and did not accomplish much.

I actually pretended I was healthy but wasn't dumb enough to try to do anything I shouldn't. Yes I took it easy. I played with my loom - I have been weaving more. I got some awesome yarn last week that I had to try weaving.

Actually I needed a break from the 'sick' me. Friday night I remembered to check my cell phone for voice mails. Unfortunately I didn't get them to call back two doctor office's before the weekend. I wasn't going to worry about it all weekend so I took a few days off. I will call this morning and work it out and find out what's going on.

Back to reality on a rainy Monday morning. Maybe the drought will finally be over.

I Overdid Things

Who me? Yes. But I had a lot of fun. We have house guests and yesterday we went to the Boston Harbor Islands and out to dinner. I had planned not to do too much but I guess I don't follow even my own directions too well.

We drove to Boston and parked in the really close but expensive parking garage. We got on the boat and I sat. Then we went to Georges Island where I sat and did not walk around. Then we got back on the boat and I sat. Then we went out to dinner and came home. I was exhausted. Everything hurt.

Today I will pay the price. I will do a lot of nothing. Well one of our house guests is going to show me how to use my new 4 harness loom (it looks very complicated). Another friend is coming over for dinner and to knit. I will do a lot of sitting and maybe even lie down for a few hours. Tomorrow after brunch I will also plan on lying down.

But it was a great time.

I'm Tired

There's a news flash. I'm tired. I have been exhausted most of the week. Sometime earlier this week I managed to get overtired. My husband ended up cooking dinner the other night. My back hurt too much an I was too tired. Then I didn't get a good night's sleep for a couple nights. Last night I didn't sleep well again. I did manage to go back to sleep this morning for a few hours which made me feel better.

But my biggest problem in life (besides getting cancer a couple of times, rheumatoid, and fibromyalgia as well as a bunch of other ailments) is getting enough rest. You can treat everything else. But you cannot treat fatigue. Other than taking lots of naps.

So my goal for the next few weeks is to get plenty of rest... but I'm going to a couple of yard sales, do some gardening, and I'm sure I will find some more things to do. I'll have to plan a nap, or two, or ten!

Saving My Strength

I am saving my strength for a test of my endurance later this week. I am driving to visit my brother. 384 miles or 5 hours 36 minutes away per Google Maps. All by myself.

This is my annual trip to visit his place, this year in his new place. I go out and annoy my brother and have fun with his kids for a few days. Then I drive home. All by myself.

In recent years, I have noticed my ability to drive long distances is less than in the past. Also when I get there, I am really tired. Driving is the one thing I can do that day. And I have to drive home on Monday and get back in time for a 4 pm doctor appointment.

Anyway, will I be exhausted all weekend I think. My brother suggested going for a hike. I don't think so.

But I really want to have fun with my nieces and nephews. There are four of them. Two have birthdays in the fall and two have birthdays in the spring. I have given up finding birthday presents for them so I take them shopping and they get to pick out what they want. It also gives me a chance to spend time with them individually. We go on my annual spring trip for the spring birthday kids and then at Thanksgiving for the fall birthday kids.

The other reason I go is to annoy my brother in person. Actually I like spending time with him and as we get older it gets harder and harder to find them time.

Is it possible to save my strength for this? I am not sure. I just know I will be very tired when I get there. And even more tired when I get home. I am not sure my husband will appreciate my resulting crankiness.

I Am Too Tired

You know you are tired when people you don't really know tell you that you look tired. At the end of my knitting group yesterday, people told me I looked really tired. I went home and got in bed for a few hours. I did get in bed long enough to cook and eat some dinner before going back to bed.

Yesterday I knew I was going to have a long day. I had a long postponed appointment to return some volunteer materials to an organization for which I am no longer able to volunteer. They were meeting me half way but I still drove over 150 miles round trip. And went to my knitting group. I was gone from 9 am to 430 pm which is a very long day for me now.

Today I am contemplating skipping the gym because I am so damn tired. Yes I am that tired. But I still have other things I need to do today. The most important is getting my nails done - and that doesn't require much effort. Actually more important is I will stop by and see my parents.

I know going to the gym is a good thing but I think it might be better for me to save my energy and continue to rest. If I don't go to the gym, I can stay in bed for most of the morning, which is something I really need.

I have to do something about my life to slow down. In the last few months, we have been busy. Last week we went out to dinner twice. I have taken care of a bunch of loose ends (like driving so far yesterday) and life is calming down. But gardening season is approaching and I still need to finish painting. Maybe its time to hire someone for that.

I want to add I am not a lazy person. I just have a very finite amount of energy each day and I seem to have used up too much energy earlier this week and need to rest to recover. Its sort of like having a really bad cold or flu where you don't have the energy to move from the bed to the couch because its too far and would take too much effort. I wish it would go away but there is not much chance of it.

Please Do Not Make Assumptions

Even if you have walked the walk, please do not make assumptions that what works for you will work for others.

I had one of those around and around and around arguments discussions yesterday with someone (not my husband) yesterday. He kept saying that what he does to make himself feel better will work for everyone else, especially for the person we were talking about. I chose to disagree and we ended up arguing discussing it way too long.

My point was that with rheumatoid you may be able to go do something for a bit and then you need to take a break and rest for a while before doing something else. And sometimes that rest period could be a few hours before you were up to anything else.

His point was that if you were sitting for a few hours, reading or whatever, you need to get up every hour and do some exercises. And you need to go for a walk or two every day and you should never just sit around.

I tried to explain that with lots of pain or different types of pain, rest may need to take priority and getting up and doing exercises every hour may not be a reality. I agree that sitting around all the time is not a good idea but sometimes when the pain is too bad, that may be all you can do.

He would not let go. He insisted he was right because it works for him and that he has pain too (but not rheumatoid) and he is just stubborn as hell. He assumed because he has pain too what works for him works for everyone else with pain. I ended up being very upset and made some excuse to get off the phone.

He assumed the wrong thing. That pain is pain and it is no different for one to another. But it is. I find this so aggravating. Please, if you have learned anything from your own medical issues, do not assume what worked for you will work for everyone else.

When all else fails, take a nap

Yesterday, after my therapist appointment, gym, and grocery store, I was so tired I couldn't watch TV. I was probably borderline exhausted. So I was smart. I took a nap.

Actually I didn't just take a nap, a nice little snooze, with my feet up. I slept like a log for over two hours. Then I went back to bed after dinner and slept again for eight hours. So maybe I was tired.

Actually I was so tired, I couldn't focus on much. If you can't watch a Lifetime Movie because you can't focus, you must be tired. In the past my criteria was if you are too sick to focus on the weather channel, you must be really sick. (I learned that lesson while stuck in a hotel with the stomach flu on a business trip.)

It is hard to focus and function like a human being if you are not fed and rested. Those are basic facts. I don't have problems with the food side of the equation (my inner size 8 is protesting) but I clearly have problems keeping up with my rest.

I have to work on my napping skills. The biggest problem that napping causes is not getting enough sleep at night. Your body needs along period sleep to get to that REM stage of restful sleeping. Its bad enough when I wake up in the middle of the night and am not rested the next day. But if I nap too much then I will have problems getting sleep at night.

Today I am tired again but not as bad. I may or may not nap again. It depends how my day goes. But I will make a point not to over exert myself.

What I needed

I originally was going to work yesterday, today and tomorrow this week. But because of office renovations and some home improvement that was supposed to start yesterday, I changed my schedule to Wednesday, Thursday, Friday with Monday and Tuesday at home. (Actually my boss told me Friday not to come in until Wednesday because of the office renovations. And then he called me yesterday to see if I was coming in because he needed me for something. But that's another story.)

Monday I was moderately productive. I went to the gym. I got some work done. I cleaned up the house a bit (for the cleaning lady).

Yesterday, Tuesday, I thought about doing a lot of different things. This is what I did accomplish. I was very lazy.

• I watched probably six episodes of Criminal Minds (the first six to be precise).
• I got some knitting done. I have a craft show in September and want to be sure I have enough non-cold weather items done.
• I sat on the couch and played with the cats.
• I talked to the mason when he showed up.
• I cooked dinner.
• I made a big mess.

But I did nothing productive otherwise. I didn't do any gardening. I didn't go for a walk. I didn't run errands. I barely left the house. And I am glad I did. I was home by myself all day with the cats and enjoyed it. Except for the big mess. Here it is.

I was trying to find some yarn and organize it. And there is more yarn in the basement.

All I want is a day off

I need a day off. From life that is. I want a day where I feel good, I can skip all medications, go to the beach (or skiing - I'll have to think about that) and then go out to dinner and dancing. Anyone want to come with me? No ailments, aches, or pains allowed. We will all feel young and healthy. 

Its been a long week. And its only Thursday. I am exhausted. I have been working too much. You may laugh but I have already worked about 18 hours this week. I usually max out at 15 hours. I was going to go back to work today after I took the car to the dealer for its annual check  up. (I am sure the car is healthier than me.)

I didn't sleep well (again) last night. Instead of work, I am in comfy clothes and went to the grocery store after the car appointment. Now I need a nap.

I am absolutely exhausted. I need to rest up for my day off.

A day in bed?

So maybe I did a bit too much this weekend. I had a table at a craft show on Saturday where I had to bring my stuff in from my car, up five steps and down a long hall. Then set up everything, stand for six hours, break everything down, and get it back out to my car with the help from a nice gentleman from the church.

Then on Sunday, I had a private craft show at home (if you didn't get your invitation it means I don't really know you) which entailed me getting up at 430 am and cleaning the kitchen, rearranging furniture with help from my husband, moving boxes around and getting comments from my husband that I should stop doing that before I made my back hurt, making mulled wine and tasting it to improve it and mostly being on my feet all afternoon.

Today I decided it would not be a good day for me to go to work - since its now 915am and I am still in bed. I promise I will get to the gym and the grocery store today. But I have between now and 5pm to get that done.

My feet hurt. My back hurts. I am tired. But I had fun both days. And tomorrow there will be some big rain storm and I will drive on the highway to get to work with a bunch of idiots in zero visibility.

Just because I am as healthy as a horse (on the way to the glue factory), having fun two days in a row, requires me to take it easy for at least a day after. Such is life. I am still here and that's what is really important.

A day for me.

The last few weeks months of my life have been crazy. Too busy, too tired, too rushed. No time for me, sleep, food, gardening, knitting, seeing friends and all that kind of stuff. Today was about me. I had lots of things I should do - laundry for example, which is sort of happening but it is taking a very long time. There are also things I want to do - catch up with friends. Finally there are things I did do which I greatly enjoyed.

This morning I slept until 9am and felt rested. I find that if I get up earlier I am too tired and really need to sleep until 9 at least a couple days of the week. You say - why don't you go to bed earlier? I say I think 9 pm is a darn good bedtime. So yes sometimes I get around 11-12 hours of sleep (and it makes me a much happier person).

Then I decided I needed some time for me. I went to a whole bunch of yard sales to feed my inner crap shopper. I look them up on Craigs List and make a plan so I am not driving in a hundred different directions.

I ended up buying (are you ready?): a box window fan for $7 - brand new in the box, never used. A queen sized cotton blanket - brand new, original packaging for $5. Ten skeins of yarn for a total of $10 - several are some good quality yarn. Two boxes of cookie cutters that I will use for felting and a roll of fancy ribbon for making fascinators for $2. An entire brown paper bag of assorted lightbulbs for $1.

Then I went to the crafts store and for $8 bought enough to make 6 fascinators in varying shades of purple. Finally, I came home and ate lunch, did some gardening, processed more laundry, and rescued the neighbors dog from our basement (he tried to meet our cat unsuccessfully earlier), looked at more laundry.

Now I am sitting on my completely unmade bed, realizing that is is 245 in the afternoon and I have not gotten together with the friend I wanted to see because I took so much time for myself. But I feel like a better person for having taken time for me.

Before blogging I read a few other blogs and realized two things: Tomorrow is National Cancer Survivors' Day (feel free to join me in not giving a shit about it - for some reason I really don't care this year). And today is exactly seven years from my breast cancer diagnosis. And for some reason I don't really give a crap about it as well.

But I guess I am still here and that is what is really important. Go me!

PS What is a fascinator? Its one of those fancy hats on a headband that the princesses in England wear but are quite fashionable as an accessory for holidays and the Kentucky Derby.

I took a step back

Even though I only work part time, sometimes I feel as if I am rushing from one thing to another all week long. Recent weekends have included family and other events where I have not had the downtime.The problem is at the end of the weekend I do not feel rested physically or emotionally.

This weekend we ran away. Yesterday had a predicted high around 47. Based on that and the fact that it was low tide at 1030am, we ran away and walked on the beach for an hour. It was a sunny day. It was low tide. There were people with horses all over the beach. It was amazing. It was what we needed. You will note the snow on the dunes in my blurry picture.The water temperature was 36 so we opted not to go in.

We stopped for an unhealthy meal of fried seafood and came home and relaxed and had a healthy dinner. Yesterday topped out with a high of 55.
Today I slept in. I feel much better physically and emotionally.

Tomorrow will be a long day. I am having an EMG in the morning to test for carpal tunnel. That is a not fun test of needles and jolts. I wont feel relaxed after that. And then I will go to work if I can. Ick. Not fun. I will just ignore that until tomorrow.

Not enough rest

The combination of all my ailments requires me to make the most of downtime and get enough rest. When I don't the fatigue just piles up and I end up collapsing for a few hours. I try to schedule myself with enough rest breaks built into my week so that I can stay on top of what my body needs.

I focus my life on working part time, going to the gym three days a week and fitting in all my damn doctor appointments. This gives me two afternoons in the week where I can do nothing.

If I have a few hours of doing nothing - meaning sitting around and watching tv, knitting, reading, surfing the internet, or whatever that does not require me to run up and down stairs, leave the house or anything expelling more than the smallest amount of energy. This includes avoiding house cleaning, cooking (because that requires standing), etc. Also going out of the house requires walking places which can be too much.

However sometimes my schedule is overridden by other needs. Friday was an example. I got up early to go to the gym, then grocery shopping for myself and my parents, lunch with a friend and then home for the afternoon where I could relax.

When I got home from the grocery store, I decided to cook a chicken in the crock pot for the first time. I looked it up online and found that I should cook a 3-4 pound chicken for 3-4 hours on high. I had a 6 lb chicken and it was 11 am. (Why am I blogging about cooking chicken?). I didn't want to wait to start it until I got home around 2 because I wasn't sure I had enough time. I put the chicken in on high and figured it would be okay because I would only be gone for a couple hours. Famous last words.

I met a friend for lunch where I am helping with the New England Coalition for Cancer Survivorship (www.neccs.org) annual awards luncheon on March 29. (Tickets are $50 and its a worthy cause.) Then I remembered I forgot to pick up a prescription for my husband. Then I ran into an estate sale. Then I got a phone call from a family member who needed to go to the Emergency Room at the hospital. Let me add I had no way to contact my husband because he did not have a phone or access to email at work that day. And the damn chicken kept on cooking.

I got home at 630 pm. I was completely exhausted. My back was hurting and I hadn't had pain meds with me. I had a minor temper tantrum about the damn chicken (which was cooked to perfection) because I was so tired. I got in bed in tears because I was so tired. I was too tired. I ate dinner in bed but got up to watch a little TV with my husband and then slept for 12 hours.Yesterday I ran out of steam by about 2pm. Too bad we didn't get home until about 430.

Today I am meeting a friend who I haven't seen in MONTHS, visiting sick family members, and coming home to rest for the afternoon. I really need to spend the afternoon in bed resting. I am concerned that my schedule this week will not allow enough rest. Which may lead to other temper tantrums. But I won't cook another chicken in the crock pot right away.

I do not think people understand that I need more rest than the average person. I actually do not really give a rat's ass what others think about this because I do not have the patience for it these days.

Day Two of Pajama Girl

More pajamas for me. To continue yesterday's sagas, I finally got out of my pajamas in time to take my younger niece and nephew shopping with my husband. The kids were happy with books, ice cream, and a music store where a weird piccolo was purchased. We came home in time to watch a movie with popcorn. Then we proceeded back to my parents to eat left overs. After which I took my older niece shoe shopping for her birthday.

I was tired by the time we came home so it was pajama time again. Today I am still in my pjs at 11 am and promise to take a shower shortly before going to an early dinner.

The reason for my pajama girl discussions is the contrast in my health from a year ago. Last year I was just diagnosed with RA and fibro and had much more energy and capacity for doing things with others.

What a change a year makes. I need more naps. I need more rest. I have less energy. I just get damn tired too often. Crap.

Today I will go to the early dinner and come home for PJ time again. Tomorrow life might begin to return to normal as I will stay home except for a quick trip to the gym.

I was bad yesterday

No, not that bad. I didn't break any laws. But I will be recovering from yesterday into tomorrow.

Yesterday morning I went to the gym. Then I came home and got some work done. And ate Halloween candy.

Then I got mostly organized for today's craft fair (at Thornton Ferry Middle school in Merrimack, NH if you want to stop by) where I have  a table.

Then I went for a long walk with a friend. Then we brought take out pizza and salads to my parents.

I came home and had a couple of glasses of wine (and I never drink any more).

I was very bad.

Today I am stiff and sore. I am tired. I am achy. I have to get up and leave here shortly and will be on my feet most of the day. With a smile on my face. My back hurts. My feet hurt. My knee hurts. I would prefer to stay in bed all day. But I have a craft fair. And I have to get up take a shower and run around getting ready.

If I was smart yesterday I would not have gone to the gym AND gone for a walk with a friend. I would  have stayed home last night because I was tired. I just wanted to be a normal person. I should know better. Crap.

When I get home, I will lie down and maybe take a nap before dinner that my husband will cook. Tomorrow I will sleep late and take it easy all day to continue recovering. I just need to get through today first with no Halloween candy, no wine, and no whining.

Sleep - ever so elusive

A side effect of all my ailments seems to be fatigue. I get tired. I mean I get really tired. Meaning last night I came home from the gym after work and put on my PJs at 530 and convinced let my husband that he should cook dinner because I was so tired.

I was so tired I went to bed at 7pm (seriously). I read for a while and could not fall asleep. I shut off the light about 830. At 945 I was still awake. I think I feel asleep around 11.  I didn't sleep very well.

The alarm went off around 5 when it always does. We ignore it until 530. My husband got up, took a shower, read the paper, brought me coffee, and alternated trying to wake me up. Finally at 608 I woke up. More than half an hour late. But by rushing around, I should be at work on time.

This is an ongoing problem. I have problems getting comfortable so I can sleep. Usually I fall asleep on my back but sometimes it hurts too much. I often take a pain pill before bed because my rheumatologist says it should help with morning pain. I can take a different pill to help me sleep but I don't like to take it every night and last night, for example, it didn't do squat.

Maybe because I had three Hershey nuggets after dinner - do they have caffeine? I don't know but I'll skip them tonight.

Then I am tired which compounds the fatigue. Its an evil vicious cycle. I need a nap. Damn. I'll postpone that until after work.