The Bad Plan (Part 2)

After moving and I came up with my 'plan' on how I would adapt to moving to a new community and stop working at the same time. But it doesn't seem to work as well now.

For the first months after we moved, I was really busy. I worked on our new house. I painted rooms, I started gardening, I got us settled in. Once you unpack you still have a lot more settling to do.

My house painting skills have improved but I go very slowly. It took me two weeks to paint one hallway. I did one side one week, and the second side the next. I spackle one day, sand the next, wash the walls, tape, and then paint - primer and two coats.... I have to break it up because i can only work for a short period before needing a break. The living room took three weeks.....

I still have more painting to do - dining room (2 walls), kitchen (2 walls), and half the basement. I also have to go back and fix some areas..... This could take me months. I promise I will get to them but some days I look at the amount of exertion required and decide I am simply not up to it.

Therein lies my problem. I get too tired. I can take days to recover from too much exertion. For example, we went some place and had to stand in line for 45 minutes. It took me 3 days to recover. If I go out for a few hours and do anything that requires standing, I come home and lie down. It is not uncommon for me to come in from the gym and the grocery store and be too tired to put away all the groceries, or even carry them inside.

I also want to garden more. Last summer, my husband worked very hard and doubled the size of our garden, significantly reducing the amount of lawn. Then we had a drought so gardening came to an end.

I think part of my problem is winter is long and it greatly limits my activities outside. I do my weaving and knit inside year round but a little fresh air now and then is appreciated.

Right now I just want winter to end so I can do some gardening. In the past, I used to be able go out and enjoy winter - hiking, skiing, snow shoeing, etc - but those have all come to an end.

As winter has dragged on, I have spent more and more time inside, by myself. My husband works full time. I keep meaning to go up to the senior center and meet more people but its 20 minutes away at the farthest end of town. I am a little young for the senior center (I can't join for five more years) but almost all their activities are during the day. I am not up to going out at night.

I have upped my volunteer work and am doing more with the local cancer support center. But I do it all at home by myself.

My plan is falling apart because I spent much more time by myself at home than I ever expected. I also have not met as many new people as I thought I would. You not easy to meet the neighbors if its winter and everyone is hiding inside. Most of our neighbors work full time and have children. I have neither in common.

I have maxed out my knitting and weaving and will continue. This is so I have enough for my craft fair months in the fall. But that's not very interactive.

I also have been having some health problems which further limit my life. My formerly good left knee became my new bad knee a year and a half ago. My formerly bad right knee which is now my 'good' knee and I have been overusing it to compensate for my left knee. It has decided to start locking up and I have already had some fluid drained to help but it will need more work.

On top of that, I have been told I have apnea and need a CPAP machine. So I got one and the mask was not right for me so I had to get a new one. The new mask still doesn't allow me to get a good night's sleep.

Last night for example, I was exhausted and took a sleeping pill. I slept for about 3 hours without my CPAP on, woke up and put it on for a couple of hours. I had the weirdest dreams and felt very restless. I gave up about 330AM and have been up since. (I think I need a nap.)

So the bad plan includes too much isolation, loneliness, and seclusion than I expected. I need to learn better to balance what I can and cannot do with getting out more. I also need to get more sleep period. Lack of sleep can be very serious and it also compounds other issues - both emotional and physical.

I am working on a new plan. But more to come.

Things Are Not Working As Planned

Sometimes, things just don't go as you wanted or expected. Its a fact of life and we need to learn to cope, change directions, and move on.

In the grand scheme of things, my original plans were that would I grow up, go to college, get a job, a career, married, kids, retire to a life of happiness and world travel. Well, we know what happened to that. I got as far as 'go to college' when my health started taking over my life. One little cancer diagnosis has a big emotional impact and it took time to get my life back together.

So I regrouped and started over at college, etc. The job and career went okay. I did eventually got married but it was too late for kids. (We didn't even meet until we were in our forties.) That's fine. We bought a house, traveled, had fun. But then my health took over.

I did get laid off just before my breast cancer diagnosis, and I had already had a hysterectomy because of other health issues since getting married two years before. (And no, getting married did not cause my health to fall apart.)

I regrouped again and started working part time. I got better and got up to two part time jobs that kept me busy between 35-40 hours each week. I was enjoying myself with some travel, some crafts, and mostly keeping my health in check... But not completely. My back was bothering me more and more. That went on for about five years. But I was doing okay.

Then, I was diagnosed with both rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. Both of which are responsible for pain and fatigue and greatly limited my abilities to do much. Neither of which have a cure and rheumatoid is definitely progressive. In six months from diagnosis, I had cut back working to one job at about 15-20 hours each week. Over the next three years, I cut back more and more until I finally reached the decision that I really physically could not work any more.

That was a financial hit that was hard for us. When we purchased our house, we did it based on what we needed at the time and could afford. Our house was going to be our forever house. But because I wasn't working in Boston, never mind at all, it was clear that we did not need to nor afford to live in such an expensive area. And I really needed fewer stairs in my life. Our house was a Cape Cod with bedrooms on the second floor, kitchen etc on the main floor and laundry in the basement. I would sit in the living room and ask myself 'if I went upstairs, how to could I limit the number of times I needed to go back up stairs, maybe not back up stairs until bed time.'

So we came up with the idea that we would move to a one floor house and cut our expenses. That would solve two problems at the same time. It would allow me better quality of life and loosen up our finances.

While we were house hunting, I realized that I needed a plan for my life after we moved. I needed a way to transition from working to being more home bound that I needed to figure out what I was going to do. Our new house is probably 25 minutes away from 'everything' - doctors, gym, family, etc. I decided I could work with that provided I had a plan.

I came up with a plan. Three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, would be my 'gym, doctor appointments, family visit days'. The other two days, Tuesday and Thursday, I would not drive down to our old neighborhood and do other things in the new neighborhood. I also wanted to see if I could find a cancer support center to volunteer, allowing me to feel like I was 'giving back' and filling my time. I did find a place and started a knitting group. I go every Thursday afternoon and have made new friends. Tuesdays are my day at home and when I can meet friends for lunch or other adventures.

I like my life for the most part now. It works pretty well. I go to the gym three days a week and to my knitting group. I see other friends for lunch. I go to the library and am learning my way around our new neighborhood. But somethings are not working as planned.
[Part 2 is coming]

My Body Isn't Letting Me Do What I Want

I have big aspirations for our new house. And I'm cheap. I hate, hate, hate, hate the paint colors in our new house.

Brown paint in the master bedroom makes a smaller room look tiny. And there are chips in the walls where the previous owners pulled hooks out. I can't stand it. The same purply brown paint was used in the hall bathroom. Making it look like another cave.

The kitchen is this ugly taupe/tan which continues into the dining room and living room and the upstairs hall and the third bedroom. The second bedroom and the master bathroom are pale green - also known as cucumber by Benjamin Moore. Initially I hated it but its growing on me.

Then the downstairs, where do I begin? The majority of the main area is painted a dark, dark, dark blue. If you rub your fingers or anything else on the paint it leaves a mark. Evidently the previous owners wanted a gaming/theater area to be really dark. They even replaced the drop ceiling tiles with black acoustical tile. And they used blue painters tape to hide the white runners between the drop ceiling tiles. The rest of the room is decent a lighter tan which is nice with the white trim.

My aspirations include repainting the entire inside of the house. I have no thoughts that I can do it in a reasonable period of time. I had thought I could paint a room each week. There is no wallpaper here that needs to be removed. The walls are in pretty good shape. I need to spackle, tape, and wash the walls first.

I started by getting a nice pale peach for the hall bathroom that will also be used in the kitchen. That was Monday. I painted Monday. I did more on Tuesday but I was so exhausted from Monday. But I still need to go back in there. First I need to get a better paint brush. and see my therapist and go grocery shopping. I might not be able to paint today. I think I can paint tomorrow.

I mean I will have time to paint tomorrow. But I don't know if I will be up for more painting tomorrow. And I need to clean up the mess I made in the bathroom and put everything back to the way it was. So I should be able to finish this week. I hope.

Then I need to rest up before I try painting the master bedroom next week. I think that will be one wall at a time instead of the whole room. And a lovely pale blue.

Seriously I didn't think I would be this exhausted from painting. I take breaks all day long. I didn't even expect to finish in one day. But damn I'm tired.

I am not working now. I am, by nature, cheap. I really do not want to pay someone to paint the house. I expect I can do that. My husband works full time and I do not expect him to spend all his time fixing up the house. I want to pull my share too. I expect myself to contribute equally to the household. But my body is letting me down here.

Maybe I'm doing better

So people ask me how I am doing. Or if I miss a phone call they want to make sure I am okay. But maybe I am doing better. We moved and I get to live on a single floor most of the time. I retired and have more time to get things done.

However I still run out of energy, regularly, maybe even every day. Well, not every day, just a fair amount of time. A few errands and then I need a nap. So unpacking is going slowly.

I have had two days back to back of lots of errands and I ran out of energy both days. Last night we had pizza delivered because I was too tired to cook and then I fell asleep on the sofa. (I hate when I fall asleep on the sofa because then I have to get up and get in bed to go back to sleep and I never feel rested after that.)

Today I have some phone calls and one errand. I will take it easy and get plenty of rest. This may mean less unpacking but I think its more important to get some rest. And I am behind on my Lifetime movies on the DVR....

I do think we have a better quality of life here. The news from yesterday's local police report included: "At 12:35 p.m., an injured squirrel was reported." Not that I had concerns for my personal safety where we lived before but if local crime includes an injured squirrel, I think its a safer place to be. And the cats would be happy to check on the injured squirrel for the police.