Hibernation

I think today and tomorrow I will hibernate. Today is supposed to hit 28 degrees, the first time over 20 degrees in over a week so I might go out for a bit. Overdue library books might motivate me. The cats are going out for a bit. Tomorrow we are due to get a foot of snow. We will both be hibernating with the cats. Friday I will go to the gym and have a friend over for tea.

Hibernating is good and bad. The good thing is I don't go out and slip on the ice and snow and I won't get frostbite. On the down side, it does not help my stress levels. Hibernation can mean isolation. Today I am home alone. Tomorrow, I assume with the weather forecast, that my husband will be home as well. We will 'undecorate' the Christmas tree for fun.

Another portion of my self imposed isolation is lack of people to talk to. Yes I talk to my friends on the phone but most of them work. Thus I don't spend a lot of time on the phone during the day.

I do have a therapist to talk to but I actually haven't seen her in months - September to be precise. I had an October appointment but I couldn't drive so I cancelled it. Then I was put on the cancellation list and they would call me regularly to ask if I could come in for a cancellation that day. Unfortunately I still wasn't driving. Finally I got an appointment for December. Then I got a cold so I cancelled it. Now I have an appointment for the end of the month. Maybe I should call today and see if she has any cancellations...

Maybe I will find a new therapist closer to home. Who has more availability. And who clicks with me. I liked my old therapist but she retired. She 'got' me. She had had breast cancer and had psoriatic arthritis so she could understand where I am coming from. Also she was good at cutting through all the bullshit to help me figure things out.

I think I need a new one.

But first I need to get my day started. I have a list of things to do (if I can find the list). I need to learn to cope better so my hibernation doesn't overtake me.

Winter returned

For some reason winter has returned here around Boston. Right now wind chill is about 10 degrees, air temperature is 18, and we got probably 5-6" of snow yesterday. Last Thursday I was out gardening in shorts and a t-shirt. Yesterday I spent 9.5 hours (730am-5pm) driving in what felt like blizzard conditions. The snow storm was moving east and I was driving east.

The roads were horrible, snow covered, blowing and drifting snow. I probably drove past close to 20 accidents. I got stuck behind multiple conga lines of plows going 40. You know the road conditions are bad when the trucks are all going slow.

Last week I planted pansies in pots outside. Today they are buried in the snow. I hope they did not freeze solid. This will be a test on how hardy pansies actually are.

My plan today is to stay inside as much as possible. However I do have a doctor appointment today but not until late afternoon.

The snow should be gone by Thursday when it rains. After that I think spring will be back, for a few days at least.

I need a change

Things are starting to get to me this winter. Why? We have been living in the arctic tundra for weeks. I am starting to go crazy. I think. Maybe its just a case of cabin fever.

I am not asking for much. These are the things I want:

• I want to be able to wear shoes. Not boots. I have been wearing boots for weeks. I miss my shoes. Its been too cold and snowy for shoes. This morning was 4 below without windchill.
• I want to be able to walk outside. Without climbing over snow drifts or wearing boots (see above). A nice stroll without frostbite concerns would be nice.
• I want to be able to go outside and play in the garden, look at new things growing, and see what survived the winter. But the snow needs to start melting. 24 days until spring, but who's counting?
• I want one month without a single doctor appointment. Its been a while since I had a break. I have one today and then another next week I think.
• I want to feel better - no aches and pains. As if.

Maybe a vacation would be nice. But that's not happening for a bit. However in the meantime, I can plan some trips away. I'm up to five so far this year but not for a while.

I think this winter is an example of how people with chronic illnesses can't just run out the door and go have fun. I have concerns about falling on ice - that has happened before and injuries have resulted. I have concerns about getting cold - my fingers turn white with cold easily these days. And I'm sick of staying inside.

At least the snow drift outside the living room got small enough yesterday that the sun actually shined in the front window and the cat took a little nap in it.

I used to like winter

I always liked winter. (Stop me now if you think I have blogged about this for the past few years.) I used to go outside and play in the snow. I viewed winter as another season to get outside and have fun - skiing, snow shoeing, hiking, and more.

Now things are a bit different.

I feel like I have turned into a little old lady...

"Is that ice? I don't want to fall again and have to go back to the doctor."

"Its too cold to go out today."

"Do I need a walking stick to walk to the store? There's an inch of snow."

I am turning into a wimp.

I complain about the cold and snow, instead of enjoying it. The cold makes my ailments feel worse. I am whining and waiting until spring.

A very important day - we are going to the beach!

Yes, its Boston. Yes, there is snow on the ground. Yes, its March. Yes, the water will be too cold (36.3 degrees - I checked) to swim or wade. But we are going to the beach. The weather forecast for today is sixty degrees - that is ABOVE ZERO. This is one of my favorite places to go in the whole world. I can't wait. And on the way home, we get to stop for clams. My favorite food. I can't wait. (Or did I say that already?) Can you tell I am excited? It will be low tide in early afternoon which means there will be lots of beach to walk on. I can't wait. I can't wait. I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning!

My husband is going to the beach too. He says he will be patient while I take millions of pictures. I can't take millions but I can take a lot - my camera battery is recharging as I write.

In addition to going to the beach and having clams, we are going out to dinner for my mother's birthday tonight and I will do laundry this afternoon. This will be the test. The past two Saturday nights my back has been very sore. I don't know if this is a coincidence or not or if it caused by the one thing I usually do every Saturday - which is laundry. Hmmm... We will see. This is a test.

Speaking of my back, yesterday it was actually mostly okay for the whole day. The PT tried an ultrasound modality on the really sore place on my lower back and it seems to have made a difference. But then today I woke up and it is causing me pain. Grrr!!! But I will just suffer in silence at the beach and while eating clams.