I Can Be Such An Idiot

Let me tell you how much:

• Saturday I was at a craft show. At the end when I was packing up, I could not find my keys. Anywhere. I dumped out my purse twice, looked through everything I packed, checked all my pockets, several times. I was going nuts. I couldn't find them. I asked the few people that were left to see if any keys were turned in. Nothing. Finally, I was calling AAA and dumped out my purse again, and there they were. Talk about 45 minutes of stress!
• Yesterday while leaving a doctor appointment I pulled out of a parking space and clipped the car next to me. In front of the owners. My car only got a corner broken off one of the hub caps. Their car has a scratch on the bumper. They are going to see what the damage is going to cost and get in touch with me. I was mortified. How can I clip a car when I am pulling out forward of the space I backed into. MORON ME!
• Today I went shopping and after I was done and paid for my stuff, I couldn't find my keys. Again. I dumped out my purse again. I checked all my pockets. They weren't there. I asked at the desk to see if they turned in by anyone. The manager was helping me look for them. No where. He said I should leave my information at the front desk and they would contact me if anyone found them. Then I realized that maybe I left them at the register when I paid and I went back to check. They weren't there. But someone had found them outside and turned them in.

So how much of a moron am I? I blame chemo brain, fibro fog, and anything else I can think of in my tiny brain. 

I honestly believe that my ailments and all my medications cause memory and brain problems. Never mind aging, even though I am still 36. So if you want to be brainless, get ailments... They make life so much fun.

Pain and Suffering

Yesterday was not a good day. Some how I did too much (who me) and ran out of steam by the end of the day. And I got some bad news.

First off, even though its been over a week since I fell, I am still not right. I run out of steam too soon and end up feeling a bit 'off' each day. I did ask Dr Google about concussion recovery and found out it usually takes a week or more to fully recover and if you are older or have health issues, it can take longer. Drat.

I want that magic wand to make me better as always.

Second, I called a friend yesterday to see how she was doing. Her husband was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer nearly seven years ago. He went into hospice just over a week ago. I have such poor timing. I called to see how she was doing and her daughter and step daughters. Then I found out he had died the night before. I felt like a heel. I had no idea.

I will send a card and go to the  wake and funeral. I feel awful I called and didn't know.

I am also sad. They were together a long time and married for ten years. Now my friend is a widow. She had retired early this year so they could spend time together.

Cancer sucks.

Most Embarrassing Cancer Moments

I think everyone has embarrassing moments in their life. I mean who didn't awkwardly walk into a wall at one point, trip as they entered a room or a building, or realized you got home and you had a toothpaste stain on your shirt since morning - after having a big meeting at work.

My famous embarrassing moments in life include also coming back to the hotel at the end a day at a very busy and important conference and realizing I had been wearing one blue shoe and one black shoe all day long.

But my mortifying cancer moments include:

• Needing a quick appointment with  my cancer surgeon and realizing after he didn't come back for 1.5 hours in the exam room that maybe I was really done with that appointment. (Yes I waited for that long before going to ask the nurses if he was coming back.) And then I had to wait longer for him to come back and tell me that everything was okay. So much for a quick appointment.
• While riding home from chemo with my husband driving, we stopped at a light. When my husband pulled away from the light my wig went flying in to the back seat! Leaving me bald in the front seat.
• After waking up in post op after my thyroid cancer surgery, I was not upset not because I had cancer but because I was wearing a clean gown and the doctors and nurses therefore had seen me naked. (Talk about twisted priorities!)

Those are all I can remember at this point. But I am sure there are more. I hope other cancer people can relate.....

Once again, I am an idiot

I spent a long time working on my SSID application. I made notes, talked and talked about it to figure it out. I talked to my doctors. I met with Social Security to make sure my application was complete. I was rejected.

Then I was talking to the lawyer yesterday and realized I forgot to mention my knee with the torn ACL which cannot be repaired due to my rheumatoid. I am an idiot. It like to swell up and cause pain. It does not have side to side stability. My 'good' knee has a partially torn ACL which I am not even bringing into the equation.

The lawyer agreed that it would be a good item to add to my medical record with SSA. Now I have to add it to my documentation for my appeal.

You may call me a moron if you wish.

I Have A Problem

Since we moved, I have found I am incapable of keeping on top of my medications. I have:

• forgotten to get refills on time
• forgotten where I put my refills
• forgotten to call in refills

I have even forgotten my husband's (only) prescription and had to pay out of pocket because I didn't get the preapproval done.

This is turning into a real problem. I have been having a problem for months with increased pain in my hands and feet. Now my back has been more of a problem as well. It turns out I completely forgot to get my prescription anti-inflammatory refilled. No wonder I have been having more pain.

In our old house, I had a system. I kept all the prescription bottles on the top shelf of the closet closest to my side of our bed. Every week I sit down and refill our pill boxes. I put all the bottles in two rows on the bed, prescriptions in one row and OTC (mostly vitamins) in the other row. Then I fill my husband's pill box with his prescription, move on to the OTC we both take, and close his box and put it aside. Then I go back to my pill box, adding all my prescriptions and then the rest of the OTC items. 

If I empty a bottle or nearly empty a bottle, I put them aside until I am done and then I get a refill or replacement as needed so by the next week we have all the pills we need and we never run out.

At our new house, first we were very disorganized and there is no closet near my side of the bed. I kept all the prescription bottles in big zip lock bags on the floor in the corner. After a few weeks, I found a little book case, which doesn't hold books, to hold all my bottles. I keep everything there. Then one day a week, I put all the pill bottles on the bed, prescriptions in one row and OTC in another. I sit down and fill all the boxes as before. Sounds good? 

Well for some reason, I keep screwing up. I don't know if its because of more RA problems with my hands or that I am not focusing or something, but each week I find as I go through the week, that my pills are messed up. Sometimes I am missing one in a box, or have an extra in another. Or I find that I have missed a pill all week.

This morning I realized that perhaps one reason why my hands haven't been very good is that I have not been taking my prescription anti-inflammatory pills. I don't even have a bottle for them. I checked online and found that I haven't refilled it since late January which makes sense why I am out now. But I have no idea when I last took it. Anyway, I sent in a request for a refill and will pick it up later today. 

However, the real problem is that I need to fix my system so I stop screwing up. I need to do something because I really have to be sure I am taking everything I should. AAARRRGGGHHH!