Another oops in my life

You are supposed to be completely honest with your doctor and medical team. Yes, really you are. You are supposed to tell them about eating habits, alcohol consumption, pain frequency and intensity, brushing and flossing (this includes your dentist and hygienist), and vitamin, red meat, and fiber consumption. I think that the honesty level is similar to what you tell your attorney on retainer.

However (and this is a big fat however), do NOT tell them if you have fallen down ever. If they think you have fallen, you become a fall risk. They make sneaky little notes in your medical chart. You have to wear a special bracelet if an in patient. You become a liability or a potential injury. (You might even get bed rails on your bed and need someone to help you out of bed and walk the ten feet to the bathroom.) You are only allowed to fall regularly up to the age two. After that you become risk factor.

While my husband was hospitalized, there was a big flip chart on the wall on the number of days they were fall free. Sort of like the kind you see outside of big manufacturing facilities, 'number of days injury free'. Its supposed to be kind of reassuring. But its really part of this evil plot to protect normal people from walking around and doing things they enjoy.

I did fall recently but I think it should be an exempt fall. It was in the middle of a snow storm, in an unplowed parking lot, where there was a sheet of plastic in the snow with more snow on top of it. That shouldn't count. It wasn't klutziness, it was unplowed parking lot-itis. Also, if I fall doing a sport where you often fall, such as skiing, hiking, ice skating, etc., they shouldn't count either. When I used to ice skate and ski regularly, I was told 'if you don't fall, you aren't trying'. I fell hiking last year while trying to descend a granite slab on a trail. These should all be exemptions from the 'have you fallen recently?' question.

Sadly, I think I am permanently labeled in my medical record as 'general klutz', 'falls regularly', and 'injury risk'. (This is probably better than borderline hypochondriac or chronic patient or whiny b*tch of a patient.) I would like to point out when I sprained my ankle, I did not fall. I kept walking (and said all sorts of bad words) and called home for a ride. In fact, I can think of no falls which caused major injury. Well except the ski trip that ended in knee surgery (but that should be exempt). Perhaps it is time to start 'stretching the truth' about falling to my medical personnel.