Being a caregiver is exhausting - and he's still in the hospital. I spend all my time worrying about him, going back and forth to the hospital, and worrying. I'm allowed to worry, I'm his wife and I've been on the cancer bus much longer than he has so I know what its like.
But its exhausting. The last three nights I have come home and basically collapsed. My back has been acting up - I don't know if this is a side effect from additional stress or the result of so many walks back and forth from the parking garage to the hospital room and back. I am trying to remember to eat responsibly. I made hummus this weekend and have been living on it. And tangerines. And cheese and crackers. And bagels. So not bad I guess. All the food groups covered.
Today I will be the cat's caregiver and take him to the vet (which just overjoys him to no end and he will hate me when we get home until I feed him some chicken). This will also have impact on my back. I put the carrier in the car and then carry the cat out and dump him in it. I have a few seconds where he is distracted by the fact that he is OUTSIDE and I can easily dump him in the carrier which he really, really, really hates. No I can't post pone the vet trip because it is a follow up that needs to be done in the next week or so and our vet is going off to run a marathon (isn't that healthy?) and this is her last day in the office.
After that I will take a little time for me and go for a walk with a friend and discuss all sorts of life important issues such as her wedding plans and grandchildren, gardening issues for the seasons, and the importance of going out for sushi regularly.
I will get back to see Walter by mid afternoon and will stay there for a bit. Yesterday we played scrabble twice and now have the assumption that if he is on medication (morphine) his scrabble skills are very good. He beat me once and lost by 5 points the second game yesterday. Today will be a rematch. And we will go for the obligatory walks as well.
Actually he is doing much better. He got jello and other liquid diet substances yesterday. He might get more food today. Still no toast or anything solid but he is asking for Starbucks coffee.
Meanwhile, I need to be less worn out by the end of the day. I come home and collapse. I haven't done dishes in days but then I haven't been here to eat much. I have several loads of laundry that are waiting for me. And the living room is a tad messy. Maybe some housecleaning this morning. I think I need to rest a little more first.
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