The Years

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. --Abraham Lincoln

Today I was watching some old Blue Blood reruns. At the end of one episode, that quote was recited and rang a bell with me.

We need to make the most of our years.

Another Year Goes By

We are at the end of another year. This one for the country has been filled with amazing ups and downs and controversy and more controversy. All I know is I have survived another year, even if I have yet another horrible cold. But what I don't know is how did I do on last year's resolutions?

Do you keep track of your resolutions each year? I know I never do. But I'll get back to that.

So each year, I make resolutions so that I will work on making changes in my life. I have a feeling, in fact, that I make the same resolutions every year. I honestly wouldn't be surprised about that at all. I think I probably want to lose weight every year.

People are creatures of habits and habits can be hard to change. Take anything from losing weight to eating more vegetables. You are good for the first few days and then fall off the wagon. And then there you are again. We all create our own vicious cycles.

You weigh yourself and go on a diet because of the shock you just got. You start to lose weight, feel a bit better, and weigh yourself again. You have gone down a couple of pounds so you celebrate by eating a jelly doughnut and a skipping your salad for a couple of days. So you weigh yourself again, and start over again.... and again and again....

Next time, don't weigh yourself at all (leave that for the doctor's office and their big fancy scale), go on a good diet and don't have a jelly doughnut for six months when you can wear pants two sizes smaller even on your 'fat' days. Wasn't that easy for me to write?

So there you have it. I wrote the problem the solution and still haven't done anything about it. Now I am going to peek at what my resolutions were for last year (because I have a blog this is actually easy). This was last year's resolution:

"I have a resolution finally for the new year: I will stop using my blog as a place to whine, especially about moving. I use my blog to write about issues which matter to me which recently has included a lot of whining about moving."

And the year before which was actually a repeat of the year before that:

"Younger
Thinner
Taller"

So I think by now, I have gotten past the younger and taller part but am still working on the thinner part. But now I have to get rid of my own vicious cycle and leave that part out. That is the part that should be my resolution. Skip the diet part and get straight to the vicious cycle. 

I know part of that: I can't exercise as much because of my health issues. I can't exercise more because of my health issues. My health issues can cause me to be depressed and stress eat. So it all goes back to my health issues.... 

I am way too far off topic here. But not really. Another year has gone by and it is behind us. It is time for me to move on to get past my personal vicious cycle. It is time for the country to get rid of its own vicious cycle of division and hate and to move on to working together.

Why I Don't Blog About Breast Cancer As Much Any More

I have been pondering this one for a long time, years. I used to blog about my breast cancer crap (and if it's cancer, it is crap) all the time. I mean, ALL the time. Because breast cancer was the center of my life. I was going through treatment and coping with diagnosis and all the fun stuff going along with it.

So since I got through treatment and moved on to other ailments, I have not blogged about breast cancer as much. I have thought a lot about this. I have even considered renaming my blog.

After a lot of thought, I have decided the reason I don't blog about breast cancer is that I am trying to bury all thoughts of breast cancer and not think about it. Yes, that's it. I am being a wimp. But its called me coping with breast cancer.

There are five degrees of grief, of us learning to cope with our own mortality - whether it is death of a loved one or our own mortality when faced with life threatening illness. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. So my way of coping and acceptance are burying my breast (and thyroid) cancer diagnosis and pretending they aren't there.

This way I allow myself not to think about my cancer diagnoses is by ignoring them. Any potential symptom will be uncovered by my doctors at upcoming visits. Why do I do this? Am I supposed to be hyper-vigilant about any potential cancer symptom for the rest of my life? How could I live that way? I couldn't.

So being a human being, I do what I can to cope. I spend my time pretending I don't have them and assuming that my doctors will discover anything that could be wrong with me. I will fill them in on any aches, pains, and other symptoms that I have but I will not stress myself about it and will pretend they aren't there until I see a doctor.

This is why I don't blog about breast cancer anymore.

Germs and RA

I keep whining about this but its true. Germs and RA do not work well together.  Here's someone else's story:

"When you have RA, the last thing you want to deal with is germs. These germs that are airborne are a recipe for disaster. I want to tell those that refuse to cover their mouth, to please do so.

The last thing I need is to get more sick when it can be prevented. Wash your hands, germs are on door knobs, money and all that we touch. Let’s be mindful in this season of more germs that they easily spread. My desire is to be in great health this winter. I know first hand, dealing with RA and a real bad cold at the same time is miserable. I’ve had times when I couldn’t sleep. My noise was stopped up and a lot of congestion. I was in bed for days. I noticed I was not able to get rid of the cold as quick as I could before I had RA. So let’s not spread germs, because for some illnesses such as RA, it makes for a miserable mix. I know from experience it is not a quick bounce back. It took me about 3 weeks to recover from a very bad cold."

You can see her full story here.

So I am home with a bad cold. Today was the day my family was going to celebrate our family Christmas. My brother was going to come in last night to stay until the weekend. But since I am sick, they did not. 

The last I heard, and I am staying out of the decision making, is that my brother might come in today and stay in a hotel (additional unneeded expense) and my family will celebrate without me tomorrow. They were going to postpone it until MLK weekend but my niece will have gone back to school by then and my other niece has a concert that weekend so it would have to be Presidents Day weekend. 

This is what happens when you get sick with RA. Family events get  postponed and celebrated without us those without colds. Kids miss out on family Christmases. All because I was exposed to a germ ten days ago.

And no I am not feeling any better. I barely slept last night because of my cold. I did get some cold medicine but there are limits to what I can take because of allergies and other medications. 

So again, if you have a cold, stay home and stop exposing everyone.

Resolutions

As the year end approaches, I contemplate my wishes for the coming year. I may be a bit different than most because of my health but here goes:

• I wish for another year without a cancer recurrence or new diagnosis.
• I wish for another year without new significant health issues.
• I wish for approval for social security disability insurance.

I don't think they are big desires but they are important to me. Like to be healthy-ish would be nice. And the disability insurance would help my wallet.

A Request For All Those With A Cold

Please, a request to anyone with a cold who wants to go out and celebrate the holidays: Please DON'T!

I have a compromised immune system and met some friends for brunch last weekend. One of whom, the one sitting next to me, had a cold and said she had had it for a few days. 36 hours later I started feeling like I had a cold too.

Because she didn't want to stay home and take care of herself, now I have a cold and may or may not be able to celebrate the holidays with my family. Never mind all the other people she has exposed to her cold. She went to work every day except one that she took off. She went to all her family get together's including school sporting events where she was in big crowds.

Where I used to work, there was one guy who always came to school when he was sick. Finally I said something to my boss who said something to him. When one person has a cold for a few days, I have one for at least two weeks.

So, if you have a cold and want to join in the holiday celebrations, please give the biggest gift you can to others, just stay home and don't risk sharing your germs.

All of us chronically ill people with compromised immune systems thank you.

Happy Holidays!

Today my husband and I (at my husband's suggestion) are spending the day at home together. We chose to spend the time without the rest of the family because:

• We wanted to spend time together and enjoy the holiday in our new house.
• We went out to dinner with my family last night and my brother and four children are showing up Tuesday night and we are having a big family dinner here for 12.

My husband is the smart one. Its a great idea. We even went for a walk. We are enjoying the prechaos calm (think calm before the storm). 

What is a holiday supposed to be? A day where you enjoy those who are close to you and celebrate the seasons - and maybe have some good food as well. That is what we did today.