The crisper

So what exactly is the crisper. Well its really a linear accelerator (I can't explain how it works because I took 'Physics for Poets' in college but it makes radiation). Anyhow, I lie on a table with my head towards the giant machine with my left arm over my head. It is a really big machine. If you figure the table in the picture is probably 6' long, it gives you an idea of how big it is. Yes that is a remote control on the table as well. It is used to adjust the settings. There is a computer screen hanging from the ceiling across the room where they can take their readings. It is also has computers to run it in a separate room. The two giant arms rotate around the table. First one is positioned at an angle above and to the right of me and then it is rotated 180 degrees so it is positioned down and to the left of me. They crisp me from both angles. The bigger of the two arms has glass over the side facing me. I just lie there and stare up at the ceiling.

Well I did at first. They actually have a giant (probably 8' wide by 4' tall) panoramic, backlit photograph of a tropical scene on the ceiling so you have something interesting to look at (and plan your next vacation). So my first few visits, I just lay still and looked at the ceiling and thought about places to vacation. It is important not to move once they position you so you don't crisp the wrong parts of your body. Anyhow I also can see the glass on the underside of the giant arm on top. As I am lying there waiting oh-so-patiently, I realize that in the glass I can see a big, ghostly white blob. Do you know what it is? MY FLABBY STOMACH!!! Now is the time to get flat abs! How appalling! I can tell when I am positioned correctly because I can see my stomach. So every day I can lie there and look at my flabby stomach!!! At least I am lying still so it isn't jiggling or anything! Needless to say, I think it is time to cut out the ice cream and chocolate and move on to sit ups.

What is 'Physics for Poets' you ask? It was a great class for liberal arts majors with distribution requirements in college. You had to know which formula to use and which numbers to plug in but you didn't have to calculate the formula and end up with the right answer. You realize this was back in the dark ages before calculators and computers in the classroom and all us liberal arts types would have been there for days doing long division. It also means is that I know radiation involves lots of numbers to the something power and fractions and variables but I can't calculate the math but could probably translate it into a foreign language for you.

Yesterday I also met with the nurse. This is the third nurse I have met with - every week a different one. I keep getting different information. This nurse told me that since I have dark eyes I will probably do fine with the radiation exposure to my skin. What do dark eyes have to do with ability to withstand radiation on your skin? I am not sure I understand the correlation here. Also, she told me that the radiation kills off all the cells in the area being treated. Good cells will regrow in about six hours. Bad (cancer) cells don't regrow (or at least that is the premise here). As your body works really hard to regrow all these cells, you get tired. She said it is normal to start feeling tired and sleeping a lot. (Last week they told me fatigue didn't happen.) I slept for 11 hours Sunday night. They are successful in confusing me.

So yesterday in a fit of organization we actually purchased boxed Christmas cards to send out next year. As we were driving home, we actually discussed two important issues relating to them: 1. How will we remember we already bought cards so we don't go out and buy more? 2. Where should we store them so we can find them? It doesn't matter if we were organized and we both actually like the cards for once if we don't remember and can't find them. Or worse, find them after we bought new ones.

Today I am off to work, crisping, support group, and volunteer meeting after a quick trip to the gym to work on my flabby stomach!