Am I turning into a hypochondriac or not? I can't decide. If I go to the doctor for every ache and pain because of that niggling little 'what if', then when the doctor says 'its normal' I feel like I am turning into a hypochondriac. I will say when I do go to the doctor and say 'I had cancer twice' then they say 'with your medical history, blah, blah, blah, blah, we need to be sure' and send me off on the merry go round of tests and more doctors. It doesn't help that every time I go to the doctors I print off a new copy of my ever growing/ever changing list of medications I take regularly which just reinforces how much of a pill popper I have become.
Yesterday's doctor said I am normal (although my husband may dispute this fact) and any more pains should be reported to my PCP (lower right abdominal pain issues and we have ruled out my appendix and ovary as causes) for further testing. (But what if I choose just to ignore future abdominal pain as being normal or just things I need to deal with as a result of two abdominal surgeries?) I guess I was assuming she would find something so when she didn't I left feeling like Chicken Little - and a hypochondriac. Maybe I am sick of going from doctor to doctor and test/exam to test/exam. There is some sense of relief and reassurance when they do find something because (a) you are not crazy, there really was something wrong with you and (b) you don't have to live with the mystery of what the hell is that and you can move on to 'let's fix it stage'.
Anyway, so one doctor appointment out of the way. On to more fun and games but first I need to get my butt out of bed and get to work this morning. I will end with a quote from my husband:
'Its not paranoia if they really are out to get you so its not hypochondria if you really have lots of stuff wrong with you.' I don't know if this is reassuring but it is funny in a sick way.