Thursday, July 15, 2010

No that little thought NEVER goes away

Once your doctor says that lovely word 'cancer' to you, that little thought of 'what if it comes back' NEVER goes away. It also doesn't help when you go to the doctor with a pain and they send you off for tests because they are thinking 'what if it came back' too.

If you are a normal person, you can have head aches. If you are a cancer person with headaches, you can have a brain MRI.

If you are a normal person, you can have weird pains in your gut. If you are a cancer person with pains, you get a CT scan or ultrasound.

If you are a normal person, you can get a few bruises and not remember how. If you are a cancer person with weird bruises, you get blood tests.

No, I am not dealing with any of these right now but this article points out, you always have the little niggling thought in the back of your brain, 'what if?' It doesn't go away. All I have to say when I break in a new doctor is 'I had cancer twice' and they say 'let's do tests'. Then I say 'how fun, I can't wait!' Sometimes there is a little debate - 'when was the last time you had this test?' Very rarely do they say they don't need the new test. This is why I have health insurance to pay for these tests. And a therapist (or two) to deal with the stress. But I'm still here. Someday when they come up with a magic cure for this, we will all feel better.

Today I have a bright pink pedicure for summer. Us cancer people can feel like crap and go for tests but we get to have good nails. Today I am going to work. How normal is that? Then I hope to fit in a walk.