The excavation report

What a fun day!!! NOT! My appointment for the 'procedure' (don't you love that word?) was at 1 pm but the little official appointment thingy I got in the mail said be there at 12 pm. So being a punctual patient I arrived at 12 pm and was told to get changed and someone would come get me in a few minutes. 30 minutes later, after getting all stressed out and agitated because I was so much looking forward to the digging out process, I went back out to the desk and asked. They said they knew nothing but would call down. Then they told me someone would be out to speak with me shortly. 15 minutes later a very useless individual came out and told me that the printout I received in the mail was wrong and I didn't need to be there an hour early and that they were running a little late as well so someone would be out in about 20 minutes or so. (I pointed out to this useless individual that when they had the planning phone conversation a week previously, they could have mentioned the fact that the printout would be wrong and I wouldn't need to arrive early. Apparently that didn't register with him.) Needless to say when they finally came to get me I was not in a good mood and a tiny bit stressed.

Then the fun part started. The port removal doesn't hurt. Its the giant needles of local pain killer that they use that hurt. Then it took over an hour of 'digging' to get the damn thing out. That was such a joy. There was a nurse there to monitor me who had amazing conversational abilities (she carried the conversation while I got a few words in edgewise - but it was very distracting which was the whole point) who happens to own four cats so we discussed her cats for the duration. At one point in the middle of the 'procedure', they all ended up getting spray goggles to put on because of the potential for spurting substances when he pulled the port out. Finally, after lots of tugging and pulling and pressure, it popped out of its little incision. I also found out that apparently some people (not sure who these people would be) actually like to keep their port as a souvenir. I opted not to keep mine.

At the end of the procedure, they gave me the discharge instructions. No showers for 2 days, then keep the incision dry at all times with special plastic bandages (that I need to go buy). Then keep the @#$&%$&)$%& steri strips (I suspected I might get them again) on for 10 days and then I can take them off too. Tylenol for the pain. No heavy lifting or strenuous activity for 7 days. Specifically NO SNOW SHOVELING (that's okay - Walter already thinks I can no longer shovel snow). Then the little tiny note, 'do not drive or operate machinery for 24 hours'. Well, um, they probably should have told me that when I asked if I could drive myself home. I just pretended I didn't see it and drove home very carefully.

Once I got home, I resorted to the wonderful pain relieving combination of tylenol, gum drops, herbal tea, cat on the lap, and Netflix movies. It wasn't that bad. I did put an ice pack on for a while but ice packs are much more user friendly in heat waves in August as opposed to record cold evenings in February.

I do actually feel a little better now that its gone. I no longer feel like something is stabbing me in the side of the neck and the actual place the port was feels better than before. The cat accidentally stepped on it (that will only happen that one time during the healing process yesterday) and I can already tell the difference. It was more sore before when the port was in when he stepped on it than when it was just removed.

Today I have much better plans. I do not have to go to Lahey Clinic. In fact, I do not have to go to Lahey Clinic for an entire week. I do have to call Lahey Clinic to reschedule an upcoming appointment. (Why should I wait for 2 weeks after my MRI to get the results when I know they are available in less than 1 week? My stress level requires me to see if I can make the appointment sooner.) Today, I am going to do nothing this morning and then go to the bank, CVS, library, walk with a friend, and grocery store. Then I believe I will again be part of the (fat sedentary American couch potato) problem and spend the afternoon with the cat, drinking herbal tea, and watching TV. Its a good thing I am now out of gum drops as my stomach is still recovering from my looks-like-milk-tastes-like-crap barium for breakfast procedure on Monday. Tonight we are going out for dinner. I am sick of cooking and we have no food.