An offer to consider

I was asked yesterday by a local organization if I would like to be featured in an article in the paper on breast cancer people. They are doing a series of five articles in October and would want to include me as one of the people they feature. Well, at first glance, an article about me? Cool, neat. No, I think.

I mean if I do it it would help provide a nice human interest story about cancer and what it does to people's lives. But then my name would be forever googled and come up with cancer. And, do I really want people to know my medical history? Thanks to the internet, what ever is out there is out there for good. You can't get rid of it. Professionally, if I ever want to apply for a job or something and they looked me up on line, it would probably come up. I was in a tv show last year where my name was included once in print on line. But a whole article?

Then there is the whole privacy issue. I don't want to be known as the person who had cancer twice (poor thing, did you know she had cancer twice? whispers around me). Yes, that does happen. The whispering thing. People who walk away when you say cancer. Or look at you like you are a freak because of cancer. Or want to tell you their medical history. I have a friend who said that when people look at him strangely because of his cancer, he coughs in their direction, which I think is actually a brilliant idea. Let me cough some cancer cooties on to you.

Also, then there is the labeling issue. I am not a cancer survivor. I am a person living with cancer. Can they do a story without calling me a survivor? I would want to know that up front.

I mentioned this to my husband and his first response was 'well you write in your blog all the time". But my blog is different. If you know me, you know my name and about me already. If you don't know me, you don't have the two pieces of information to connect (and aren't living in the same town). You might have found my blog through googling 'breast cancer blogs' or a message board. But its different. In some ways, while the internet opens up the world, it allows people to remain relatively anonymous (unless you post your information).
I have to think about this. I was asked yesterday and have gone back and forth in my mind on it several times. I don't know. I think I only have a few days before they need a decision.

I can't think of a title

Maybe its too early but I can't think of a title. I was going to write about what I want in health care reform but I think the answer is I'm not sure. I know I do want to pay less. I do think more Americans need health insurance. I do think people shouldn't stay at jobs so their insurance doesn't change and they aren't covered for a pre-existing condition (especially since I have had one of those for so long). However I am comforted by reading this post on an informal poll that was done to learn what people know about health care reform. I think we are a country of confused people right now.

But I am sure it will all sort out in the coming months and years and be endlessly tweaked and changed as it turns out that what they put on paper, doesn't really work in real life. Because it is real life and its never the same as what they put on paper.

I am all discombobulated this morning because when I went downstairs to get a second cup of coffee, I found the dead mouse in the mouse trap. My husband 'forgot to look' It was on the stove because that's where the mouse was hanging out. How do you not look on the stove when you turn the light on over the stove? Needless to say, both my husband and cat are in the dog house so to speak over this. I should not have to find dead mousies. That is their job. I don't care which one but I seem to see far too many of them and am totally grossed out at this point. Yuck!

Yesterday was back to reality and work. Work was busy. They missed me (its nice to be missed - makes you feel like you actually are accomplishing things when you are there). But by the time I got home, my back hurt. And then, after moving stuff around last night before the electrician comes today, my back really hurt. Evidently my back pain vacation is over. I am blaming the cat for this. Its his fault. He cannot be picked up any more (except when he looks really cute and pitiful because his back legs don't work right and he can't jump up on things any more).

Today, I am working from home until I go to the dentist. There will be an electrician here to repair the disaster of our downstairs bathroom. We removed the old medicine cabinet to find a buried light plate (switched in the on position, evidently powering the old light) which is rather scary and is being removed. I have lots of work. I am also rambling today so I will go get more coffee and do something else besides babble.

I admit I made a mistake

But first before I admit, here is my annual reminder - October is coming up and its all about support breast cancer but before you buy a single thing, go check this website and find out what's really going on: www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org.

So, I admit I made a mistake. I did something yesterday I shouldn't have. If I can just figure out what it was, I promise I won't do it again. But I have no idea what it was. I do know it was something that made my back hurt. It was being so good. But not any more. Yesterday, I did laundry, went for a walk, dealt with the cat, gardened, pretended I was a domestic goddess (and vacuumed a tiny bit), cooked a ton of food, and went food shopping.

All of these things are things I have not done for a week and my back felt much better. So one of them must be the culprit that caused back pain. None of them violated the rule of 20 lbs. I would happily give up laundry and being a domestic goddess. But I would prefer not to give up walking (helpful for getting from point A to point B), gardening, the cat, cooking or shopping. The cat weighs a paltry 16 lbs so I am sure its not him. The only vacuuming I did was because of the construction in our downstairs bathroom. (Walter took out the old ceiling fan and you wouldn't believe the icky stuff that came out with it - hence the vacuuming.) It could just be a combination of standing around that my back didn't like. Anyway, I will make a note of it and see if I can narrow it down. In the meantime, I have pain meds to take.

We are back from vacation and back to reality. The cat is also back from vacation. He had quite a nice time. He was very spoiled. But he still missed us. I can tell because he insisted on walking around on top of us while we were sleeping last night (with his delicate 16 lbs). I have a ton of errands to run and work to do this morning before going to work. But at least I can take a walk first to take the edge off returning to work.

On with life

Now we are back from vacation - but still have not retrieved the cat. However we have many loads of laundry to do and a giant list of things to be done before returning to work. One thing not to do - DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF UPON RETURN FROM VACATION. But it is too late. I did. Its disappointing but not unexpected. Weight loss does not occur when one eats lots of yummy (a/k/a fat filled) food, the opposite does. I can't blame it all on vacation, because I haven't been going on my daily walks because of my stupid ankle. But I don't have a doctor appointment with a weigh in until November so I can do something positive between now and then. Its nice when the scale at the doctors office reflects good news - so even if the doctor doesn't have good news, you can still leave with something to feel good about.

I went through our multitudinous mail yesterday and did receive some nice doctor news. My thyroid levels have returned to normal (something to complicate weight issues). Two years ago, my oncologist lowered my thyroid medication but evidently my body was saying it was too low. So my doctor raised it last spring and I had a follow up blood test before vacation and now it is where it should be. For now. It has a way of needing adjustment... And they tell you 'thyroid medication is not for weight loss' but if your medicine is off, its really easy to gain weight. Never really easy to lose weight. Sigh. I guess I have to work on the nutrition and exercise route.

Actually its been nice that it will be almost 30 days between doctor appointments again. This hasn't happened since last fall (before back issues). And actually only the second time since my diagnosis. I should get frequent doctor visit discounts, instead of bills. That would be fair.

Anyway, off for my morning walk. And lots of laundry. I'll post vacation pictures later.

Another year has passed

Another year has passed. I am a year older. Because I have my blog (and chemo brain so I need my blog) I can look up and see where I was a year ago. I was coming back from vacation and going to have gall bladder surgery. My gall bladder is all healed but I still can't eat fatty foods - probably will never. And now I have back issues. I guess I have to have a stern discussion with my body: this year is for getting healthy and not having more issues. I want a healthy year. Why not? I deserve one. Finally. For once.

Anyway, we are on vacation and I am having a good day. My back is not having a good day. It doesn't like kayaking, walking around, or riding in cars but otherwise is okay. We are going home tomorrow but I refuse to pack on my birthday. I'll do it all tomorrow. Procrastination can be a good thing.

Cancer is hitting the big time these days - all the headlines

Every time I turn around someone else has died from cancer. Yes its a horrible thing, but we are all going to die sometime. One theory on why so many die from cancer now is that before antibiotics and other drugs, most people died from infections or some other cause. Now modern medicine allows us to live long enough to die from cancer - what is that proverb about being careful of what you ask for?

Anyway, one range of commentary that I keep hearing on the fringes is that 'if so-and-so had opted for another form of treatment, they wouldn't have died'. Excuse me but you should never judge someone for the course of treatment for any disease. Its their body and their choices. And they made the decision. You can inform people of their options but you can't judge them for their choices.

Mary Travers, Patrick Swayze, Ted Kennedy, Peter Jennings and the list goes on and on. They made their choices and did what they could. There is no cure. They can only treat cancer and at best put you into remission or with No Evidence of Disease. If there was a cure, it would be known world wide by now.

Enough ranting, I am on vacation. We are going to the beach. It is not hot, but a beach with tide pools, etc keeps me happy no matter what the weather.

Here we go again

Another news flash - Breast Cancer drugs carry cautions. Well, thanks for the warm fuzzy. Cancer is a caution itself. Coffee cups carry cautions - thanks to insurance companies, lawyers, and stupid people. Aspirin carries cautions. Food carries cautions - if you eat too much you get fat. Now I feel very comforted to know the medications I am on carry cautions - something else to worry about besides cancer.