Monday, July 9, 2007

The worst part is the waiting

I can't do anything meaningful until I get this drain removed. By meaningful, I mean I can't go for a walk or get any real exercise. I tried weeding the garden but that is difficult. Sometimes when I bend down I can feel the stupid drain stabbing into me. My weeds are going wild! I got caught up on our Netflix and have to wait for more to arrive. I never did like daytime TV. Now I get to stress about what is next! One more week until the results and then maybe, finally, possibly, I will get a plan of action on what happens.

When you get a diagnosis of cancer, you really end up putting your life on hold until you get a plan of treatment and through the treatment. I can't look for a job or plan a vacation because I don't know how long this will take. I am not used to sitting around doing nothing. This is where it gets so stressful. If I can do anything, I can imagine all the what ifs; 'what if it is in all the nodes', 'what if it has spread'. Every little twinge in your body is a new place cancer has spread. Ha!

Well today I was on one of the breast cancer message boards - and believe me there a lots of them! The one I go to most has women from all over the world on it. A lot of the participants have blogs or care pages. One of them had a picture of a 'Breast Cancer Sucks' ball cap in her web page. Frankly, while I like pink, the little pink ribbon on everything doesn't always do it for me. I saw this hat and said that is more like it so I googled it (you can google everything these days) and found this website full of much more 'vocal' breast cancer items. I think I like the 'Fight like a girl' and the 'cancer picked the wrong diva' better than the pink ribbon.

Anyhow, back to google. Google is getting scary. They use the key words people search on to track what people look for and where and using what words. They are becoming a big brother in someways! Some people I know now have stopped using Google because they are too big!

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