Saturday, November 21, 2009

I'm so much cooler online

I have no life, I am sure you all know. I have cancer and a bad back, a diabetic cat, work too much, stress, and a wonderful husband. I just go from doctor appt to appt and job to job. But I'm cooler on line. There is even a country music song about this by Brad Paisley.

I'm much cooler online. I am 5'8" and wear a size 4. I am a former fashion model, who has been to every continent, all 50 states, and over 100 countries. I drive a Maserati in the summer and a SAAB in the winter. We live on a 100 acre organic farm where we raise 90% of our own food. The maid comes in daily and cleans the house and does the laundry. I have never had any medical ailment and both of us are very healthy as we eat organic food all the time and work out daily. Or at least I can pretend.

Lyrics below:

I work down at The Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm five foot three and overweight
I'm a sci: fi fanatic, mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go check out Myspace.

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time.

I'm so much cooler online
I'm so much cooler online.

I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time
I've ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade.

But online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein
I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six-pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time.

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online.

When you've got my kind of stats
It's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and lose a bunch of weight
Every time I log in.

Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
Even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time.

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online.

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