Crabbiness recovery

Yesterday I was significantly less crabby than the day before. We got together with family and went for a giant walk in the woods (where we saw a whole bunch of old junked cars) and had lunch. Then I went home and did a lot of nothing for a while to recover from the giant walk. It is very tiring to try to keep up with small children - they don't sleep, they are recharging, while us adults are busy doing things.

I also did laundry and made most of dinner. I delegated some to my sous chef... but then got to wash the dishes. Not an exciting life (but then I never claimed I had one). Today we are going out for brunch after our morning walk. We were going to go for a walk after brunch but now the weather forecast is for (gasp) snow changing to rain - which is not conducive to outside activities. Then I get to fold laundry when we get home. I am so excited I cant wait (for laundry folding)!

No it is not another exciting day in my life. Perhaps I will sneak over and pick up my new eye glasses this afternoon too. My current pair have been repaired twice (with Krazy Glue) and aren't quite even any more, hence my impatience...

Warning: Crabbiness alert!

As noted, I kind of overdid things on Thursday to the extent that I went to bed at 730pm. Then yesterday I went out three times - once to the farm stand, once to the library, and once for a 15 minute walk just so I could say I actually did go for a walk (and wasn't a total slacker all day). I even convinced Walter he could cook dinner.

By 9 pm, apparently I was a crabby b***h. Not just crabby, but crabby enough that it was commented that I was extremely crabby. (I even was mad at the TV for having too many commercials and not just showing the conclusion of the show I was watching. I was also mad at the cat for sitting on my lap and making my hip and back hurt.) It was strongly recommended that I just go to bed and get some sleep to reduce crabbiness. I then slept for 10 hours. Perhaps the crabbiness has gone away, perhaps not. I have only been up for an hour and am on my first cup of coffee.

Why crabbiness? Well, it is somewhat of a mystery but I still get tired. I mean its only been two months since the last surgery and I wasn't yet myself before then. I am getting really sick of this running out of steam business and then being exhausted for days. But when I finally go back to the doctor in February, I will discuss it with them then. Part of my recent problem might be this working nights business. But I only have three more evenings to work, and might be able to leave a little early on two of them. I will see how it goes.

Today, we are off to see visiting family members before they return home. I didn't see them yesterday because I was that tired. Then I hope to get in some kind of a walk - either with them or after they leave. Tonight I will again hope to prevent crabbiness by taking it easy. Perhaps I will pick up my new glasses later today. (Does squinting increase crabbiness??)

Don't do it - its another avoidance day

Today is a day of avoidance again - but this time of your scale. Do not weigh yourself (unless you are trying to gain weight). Face it, you probably ate more than you normally would yesterday and today the scale will tell you how much you ate. You don't want to know so just avoid the scale. If you want to weigh yourself, step on the scale and mentally subtract three pounds from what it says.

Yesterday was a bit chaotic but fun. We went for our early morning walk and my brother and his family descended on us about ten minutes after we returned home. Chaos ensued. Our house got very messy but that is to be expected with (four little and two big) kids around. We did go to the park (a/k/a the land of the giant slides) before heading to my parents for more chaos and more people (and a large dog). 15 people and one large dog does not make for quiet times. But it was fun and good to see everyone. We also went for another walk, which meant two walks in one day. Then we drove one guest home to Boston. By the time we got home, I was exhausted and went to bed early. I admit I was in bed by 730pm and asleep.

Today I will do slightly less - possibly significantly less - and definitely eat healthier. I see many vegetables in my future today. I think its also avoidance of shopping today. I am having a big debate with myself - my new glasses are ready for pick up but I really don't want to go to Costco today but I really want my new glasses. Hmmm... Maybe I'll wait until this afternoon and see how busy things really are. But we will get together for family stuff today, at some point.

82 days and counting

I have 82 lovely days without a trip to the doctors. I am very excited. 82 days of no blood tests, Dr. Seymour Butz gowns, procedures, waiting for doctors, or tests, (or OMWAHs in the parking garage - I will probably find some elsewhere but not there!) I made a deal with my therapist even that I will not see here in December as planned but wait until sometime in February around my upcoming appointments.

In the meantime, its Thanksgiving. Three of my four pies are made. I have a sous chef (one of my nieces) coming to help make the last one. I had a different sous chef (my husband) for apple and carrot peeling (carrots are not in pie but will be served with a maple glaze with cinnamon and nutmeg and allspice).

Otherwise, you can watch me on TV if you want.
Cancer and Hope from Josh Lobel on Vimeo.

Today our first thing to do (after we finish drinking coffee) is to go for a morning stroll (or death march - it depends who you ask) to ensure our appetites are at their maximum for this afternoon's meal. Then we need to retrieve a dinner guest who is coming by subway and head over to my parents. Actually my brother and his wife and four children are coming for a few hours this morning (of peace and quiet). I have plans for them all. (Little do they know).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Realy taking a break

This morning I have a therapist appointment. I have decided I will tell her I want to take a break from seeing her as well.I don't want to go to Lahey any time in the next three months unless I am dripping blood from something. I want them to rearrange the furniture in the waiting rooms (and maybe get new magazines) before I return. (Not sure if they ever get new magazines.) Anyway, I just don't want to go there at all. I think I am justified in this. I need a real break.

I will focus on losing weight and getting another job in the meantime. How is that for ways to fill my time? I will also work on training the cat to improve his mouse hunting skills. He gets a big fat F right now. We found mouse evidence in the kitchen and even caught a mouse in a trap. The cat prefers napping. Maybe we could get a roomba and teach him how to ride one like this.


Otherwise today I have to make four pies between now and noon tomorrow. Luckily I have a sous chef (husband) in charge of apple peeling. He is also in charge of peeling 3 lbs of carrots. I am not sure he knows this yet but will shortly.

Going for the insanity plea I think

So it really is a clever plot to drive me insane. Yesterday I called the surgeon's office who told me last week to come back in six months. They said the letter was a standard letter just reiterating what the doctor had said and I should ignore it. Okay, fine. I can live with that.

Then when I got home from work, I got a copy of the pathology report from my mammogram and it says: Post biopsy clip stable, negative ultrasound. findings are probably benign. Bilateral follow up is recommended in six months. Overall assessment - probably benign. Hello! I am sorry but the words 'probably benign' should not be told to anyone with a cancer diagnosis. I have had two. I don't like that combination of words. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.

And there was a handwritten note from my primary care physician saying: Please be sure you are booked for a follow-up mammogram in six months. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.

So now I have two doctors and the radiologist saying follow up in six months. I will say, yes I can feel lumpiness but I have lots of scar tissue, made lumpier by radiation, and then from more scar tissue from the stereotactic core biopsy last June. So I am not surprised there is lumpiness and neither was the surgeon - he said it is normal and may never go away. But is there something else hiding in there? I don't know. Maybe a six month wait to see if nothing changes is better than more biopsies at this point. In the meantime in three months, I see both my radiation oncologist and my medical oncologist and can talk to them as well. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.

Insanity may be the way to go at this point. I am not sure I want to jump on the second opinion band wagon since I will have seen four doctors in the meantime - how many more do I need to see? Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr. (You can tell the level of my aggravation by the number of grrs.)

I am going to the gym this morning to take out my frustration on the weight machines and the elliptical. I will drive the 10th of a mile there because of the rain. I will also get some work done this morning from home and go to work as well. And its a yucky rainy day - the kind where you want to stay in bed and drink tea and watch bad TV all day. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.

In search of the truth

Today I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I will call my doctor's office this morning at 845 am (that is the earliest they are there) to ask why they sent me this mystery letter. Did they see something or not? Or are they just trying to drive me insane? If I ask very nicely, perhaps I can expect a call back later today. Actually, they usually do call back the same day. Its just I won't be home all day so I will have to make sure I have my cell phone with me at all times, it is on and the battery is charged. (90% of the time, I don't have it, the battery is dead or it isn't turned on.)

Yesterday we had fun. We went with a friend to visit an old friend, his wife and their three children (who were very cute - the kids were, well not to say the parents aren't nice looking but the kids hold the cute title for the day.) After that we went out for sushi for dinner. Quite yummy.

Otherwise, today I have a completely over scheduled day. I am so over scheduled, I wont even get to go for a walk or to the gym today and Walter is going to cook dinner. I am not sure what he will make but he is on vacation this week and I am busy all day so I thought why can't he make dinner. He is quite capable. Why should I rush home to cook when he is on vacation? I also managed to delegate some of my errands to him as well. How sneaky of me!!!