But I don't play tennis

I have tennis elbow. The last time I recall I played tennis was when I was 9 years old and we spent a month or so on Cape Cod in a rented house that had a tennis court nearby. My mother attempted to teach us how to play. I was awful. I don't play. Maybe I have delayed onset tennis elbow but that would be really delayed onset (even though I am only 29).

So I went to the doctor yesterday but first I had an x-ray. When I finally got to see the doctor, I was asked what my pain scale was - I said about a 5 or 6. The doctor said I had a perfectly normal elbow and by pushing on the sorest parts of my elbow he told me I had tennis elbow - which he used a big fancy name for that I can't even remember and added that it is a repetitive strain injury. He suggested that I do behavior modifications like switch my mouse to my left hand - I did that 15 years ago due to my ulnar tunnel issues so I had that one covered.

In addition, he said that treatment options were a cortisone shot, physical therapy, and a brace to wear at night. I said I would take all of the above. He injected my elbow at its sorest point with a 'tiny' needle (that wouldn't hurt any more than a flu shot - liar!) and rubbed it all around to make sure the cortisone went everywhere.

He gave me a very stylish brace to wear at night but put it on me to show me how to wrap the velcro straps in case I have very severe chemobrain. Then he wrote out a prescription for physical therapy but told me I would have to go to an outside PT facility for the treatment. I wasn't too sure I would like that but then it turns out the only facility for this is the one that is (I'm not making this up) three blocks from my house. I can walk there slowly in under five minutes. My first appointment is Thursday morning.

Upon leaving the hospital I kept the lovely wrist brace on and went to pick up the snowblower that was out for repair. The men in the repair shop took one look at my wrist brace and said 'can we put this in your car for you?' Now that is a very useful brace.

Then the bad part of my day started. I met a friend for a walk and my arm got progressively sorer. I went to meet my boss and check out a conference location and it got even sorer. Finally I got home in a lot of pain, took a pill, and asked my husband to make dinner. It was sore enough that if the cat rubbed on my fingers the wrong way, I was off the charts in pain.

Apparently, after several dozen cortisone shots in my back and hips, I have experienced the most common side effect - the cortisone flare. Who knew? But some website knew and I quote 'the most common side-effect is a 'cortisone flare,' a condition where the injected cortisone crystallizes and can cause a brief period of pain worse than before the shot.' A brief period has lasted most of the night. I iced it as instructed, took drugs and pouted.

Today it is somewhat better. I have been awake since 1 am. I even got out of bed to look for my night time wrist brace which I conveniently left in my car.

However, today I can move my arm, wiggle my fingers, feed the cat, pour myself a up of coffee and am optimistic that I will be able to go to work and be semi functionable.

On the plus side, its not cancer, it should go away in 4-6 weeks, I can flash my wrist brace for help with things I don't feel like doing, and my husband cooked dinner.

Wanted: One general, all purpose doctor

I was talking with a friend yesterday about life with ailments and how we seem to spend all our time running from one specialist to another. We both want a general all purpose doctor who is a combination ankle surgeon/elbow surgeon/medical oncologist/breast surgeon/radiation oncologist/radiologist/primary care/psychiatrist/psychologist/and whatever else you need. You go see them and they say pouf and you are all healed. None of this wasted time going from appointment to appointment. Wouldn't that be great?

Or better yet, a single cure for everything so we wouldn't need the doctors in the first place. It never hurts to dream does it?

Today I am going to break in a rookie. A rookie doctor that is. He has never met met before so I go in and say 'my elbow hurts, I've been icing it which helps a little but I am already on an anti inflammatory and multiple pain medications and can we talk about the rest of my medical history as well and then you can tell me how soon you can make my elbow better. Okay? Thanks.'

He's a young doctor. In his picture, he looks younger than some of the clothes I own. These young doctors always seem to want to know my complete medical history. I can only remember it if I go chronologically counting the arrival of each surgical scar. Then I scrape them off the floor and start talking about the non surgical issues. Then they excuse themselves to go read my chart a little more. Then they come back and say 'wow' and give me some solutions.

If I had one all purpose doctor, I wouldn't have to go through this ritual. Please!

A new thought

Here's a new thought:

'What it means to win the war on cancer is not to eradicate cancer from our lives, but rather to imagine extending what I call this cat-and-mouse game with cancer as far as possible while retaining as much dignity of patients as possible.'

If you think about this for a minute, we have been fighting the so called war on cancer for over 40 years and haven't gotten there yet. So maybe instead of just focusing on the cure, but what about extending lifespan and retaining patient dignity as well. The author phrases it as though it should be done instead of research for a cure. I don't completely agree with him but I like the thought.

Researchers should be empowered on two sides here: one group work on finding a cure for cancer and the other group work on extending lifespan of cancer people and retain patient dignity. Perhaps both sides are equally important.

These thoughts come from a new book which I think I will read by Oncologist Siddhartha Mukherjee, called "The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer". Any new thoughts on the cancer interest me. In this book he writes a biography so that we can understand and dissect it better.

He states 'We write biographies in order to understand, to decipher the psyche, to enter the personality. In a sense, we’ve been trying to do this with cancer for nearly 4,000 years.' Perhaps this will help make sense of this disease. I can't completely agree with him but I think he has a good thought.

Live out your dreams

There are people around us who inspire us. The latest in the line is the boy who at 11, had a brain tumor with a poor prognosis. He now plays foot ball. It was important to him to play because he didn't want to wonder what his life would have been like if he didn't play. And he wants to inspire people and prove anything is possible.

Another one is Jothy Rosenberg who with one leg, is an amazing cyclist. His blog is entitled 'Who says I cant'.

A bit more of a canned version of this is the movie 'The Bucket List'. Just because you are old and dying of cancer, doesn't mean it has to be dull and boring. Do everything you can while you still can.

At 19, I was told to go live my life as I should (not a good word in medical terminology, 'would' would have been a better choice). Then followed a long lecture of what not to do and to do - get plenty of sleep, eat a healthy diet, continuously monitor your health, get regular check ups, blah, blah, blah. Well I was in college, I wanted to stay up late and drink beer with my friends.

I thought about it and came to the decision that while I wasn't going to play in traffic, I was not going to live a boring life. I have traveled internationally, I have studied abroad, I skied off the headwall in the Rockies, snowshoed up mountains, bike riding, roller blading, went on Club Med vacations, climbed mountains and more. Next year I am going to Iceland. I can't hike, ski, snow shoe, roller blade, bicycle, climb mountains any more. But I can still walk, take pictures, experience a new culture, and have fun. Because I can.

Then when I come back from Iceland, I'll have to plan our next trip.

Facebook

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I looked all over online for support and information and found the message boards on the Komen website where I hopped on and started reading and asking questions. Then I saw 'Crazy Sexy Cancer' and read the book and found Kris Carr's website, Crazy Sexy Life, and joined up and started reading. Somewhere along the line, I joined Facebook and became pretty active there. I also started finding lots of support, reconnecting with childhood friends, and wasting a lot of time.

Then the Komen site changed its message board software which caused all kinds of problems and a bunch of us drifted over to Facebook and stopped going to Komen. Then someone on CSL moved to Facebook and now everyone is on Facebook. I mean the world is on Facebook.

I am on Facebook a lot. Probably too much but that's another story. Facebook is a microcosm of the world - everyone has different opinions, thoughts, etc. People play games and ask others to play. People want to be friends and then more and more. (How did I end up with 288 friends?)

Somethings about Facebook are irritating. I find its constant upgrades and improvements a pain in the butt. Stop moving things around!!! And I won't even talk about the security changes which I think they do just to give everyone something to post about.

I also I am not sure I am a big fan of the requests to post this as our status to show your support for this cause. You see this a lot. I never do it. Its just like forwarding chain emails. (I do admit to forwarding some chain letters back as a teenager when they involved photocopying and sending to the other side of the world in an envelope with a stamp.)

There was one this morning that made me think for a second:

'Every person has 1000 wishes, a cancer patient only has one: to get better. I know 97% of you won't post this as your status, but my friends will be the 3% that do, in honour of someone who died of, has had or is fighting cancer. :( x'

Then I thought, no I can't post that because we don't want to get better. We want a cure.

The scandal of it all!

Egad! Apparently there are cases of cancer that are treatable if found early but unfortunately are often diagnosed too late! Well, some times cancer progresses a lot faster than thought. Or even if mammograms are done regularly and there are iffy areas, they are given a clear until next year. (By iffy areas, I mean things that are noted as being different than expected but not a clear sign of cancer.) Who knew??

For Pete's sake (whoever Pete was, his name is used a lot), I mean really. This isn't breaking news. Medicine is not an exact science. People should get regular well being tests but it doesn't mean every case of cancer will be found at early stage. Cancer is sneaky.

Don't put us cancer people on the woulda, shoulda, coulda road. We try. Don't fill us full of regrets and unhappiness we have enough of it all ready.

My cat ate my homework.

I forgot to read my damn free book for my expensive exercise class. Perhaps I will plead chemo brain. Or maybe I will try to read it this morning. It is going to be a busy morning. A plumber and tiler are coming over at 830 to look at the work we need done for our minor kitchen/bath rehab that we will do in January. We need to make the house look civilized so they don't think we are total slobs between now and then. It doesn't help that we are watching TV in our pajamas.

I did not sleep well last night either. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 1 when I went up to bed. (My husband claims he tried to wake me up.) Then I woke up again at 4 and couldn't get back to sleep so I gave up and got up. I made three of my four pies already. I'll make the last one later as well as the sweet potatoes.

I was talking to a friend last night and thinking about what I have to be thankful for - husband, friends, family, what is left of my health, that I live in a safe part of the world with access to clean water and healthy food. I guess that's about it. I mean I could come up with some schmaltzy sayings or make a giant list but that about sums it up.