Over this weekend I was told (by my mother) that I was out of line and being cranky and mad at people. She was right, I was out of line and I admit it. But I was mad at my sister (we were trying to watch olympics and she wouldn't shut up and I was tired and my back was hurting) and sometimes with siblings, its very easy to resort to five year old behaviors. Sometimes all the years of aging behind us, they just strip away and we become our five year old selves saying 'don't touch me', 'she's looking at me', etc.
I am trying to live my life but have certain constraints these days, some are new and some are old. I have never been able to stay up late at night. I struggle to reach 10pm on weekends, if ever. I was never the kid to stay up past their bedtime. And now its actually worse. I just run out of energy each day and need to just get to bed.
These days I have all sorts of issues going on. When my back acts up, I get cranky. When I am dealing with my health issues, I get cranky. When I am dealing with my husband's health issues, I get cranky. When I am dealing with my cat's health issues, I get cranky. This week, I am dealing with all three so I will probably be cranky. I am also over scheduled. I need to allow myself some downtime every day so I can rest my back. I also have to fit in two sets of ankle exercises and one set of back exercises daily.
To top everything off, here is my schedule for the week: Monday: cat to vet, work in am, dr apt, job interview, meeting, Tuesday: work all day 8-5, Wednesday: work in AM, Walter's CT scan in pm, Thursday: Walter's procedure and an evening meeting, Friday: my father gets out of rehab after breaking his leg and I might need to go back into work. I also have to do some work from home and meet a friend for a walk. And I just saw the weather forecast which calls for snow/rain all week long.
I sneak in my little bits of down time here and there. I hope to get out for walk this afternoon to relax and clear my head after the doctor and before my interview.
I know the causes of crankiness and temper tantrums. I am working on dealing with them but when continuing health issues keep invading my life, my inner evil bitch comes through. Its hard to be relaxed, perky and cheerful when in pain or stressed. Somewhere I know my normal cheerful, relatively nice personality still exists but it gets covered up by everything else.