Friday, February 18, 2011

Please pay attention here

This is how to help a sick friend. If anything positive can come out of the horrible shooting in AZ, this list is it. I will summarize:

1. Know your friend
2. Make specific offers
3. Give the right gift
4. Call at night
5. Call weeks later.

This list is long over due. I can't tell you the number of things that have greatly upset me through my medical ups and downs.

- The 'friend' that came to visit unannounced at 8am on the morning after major abdominal surgery where I was expected to be bedridden for 2 days and an inpatient for 5 days. Even though I had requested no visitors other than family. She was in the hospital and thought she might stop by.

- The 'friend' who threw a party and introduced all the cancer people to each other so that we could bond. I felt like I was at the frat party at the beginning of 'Animal House' - as one of the losers.

- The 'friends' who expect me to reiterate all my latest health issues in detail every time I see them.

- The 'friends' who expect me to talk about knowing people who are dying from/have died from cancer and what I knew about their last days.

- The 'friend' who never stopped asking 'is that a wig or your real hair?'

- The people I never hear from.

My point is when people are sick, they aren't as good as reaching out to ask for things because they are too wrapped up in their own medical life lemons. And their needs have changed, their lives are different right now and they can't do the things they used to. Please read the article and think about how you can help others.

2 comments:

recovery said...

I guess sometimes friends make mistakes. Cancer freaks people out and they do not know what to do to help. the list is a good idea, i hope people will read and actually take it under consideration

pinkunderbelly said...

Great post, and so true. The best help I've received has been from friends who say, I'm going to do ____ for you. They don't ask what I need or check to see what I want, they just do it.