Insomnia, partly caused by fibromyalgia which gives me fatigue and insomnia, causes deep thoughts in the middle of the night. Sometimes I actually remember these thoughts to ponder them further.
So what occurred to me last night was that my most significant health issues to me is no longer cancer. Cancer has definitely settled back to lurk but no longer dominates my life. I get to go to extra doctors, because of my medical history, we need to be sure, but cancer is not the focus. This is nice mind set. I don't have the need to dwell on it in the middle of the night. Nor do I feel the need to dwell on it. Cancer is not worthy of any stress.
Back in July I saw my medical oncologist for my annual follow up. She took me off Femara after five years. The thought process was that Femara has not been shown to have additional benefit after five years and it could be contributing to my joint pains. But she said I could restart it if I felt stressed about potential recurrence. I didn't think that would be a problem and I am not stressed. And I might have less joint pains than before.
Also my thyroid cancer has not been problematic. Its just there and I have extra blood work because of it. But its not a stressor.
However my rheumatoid and fibromyalgia tend to rule my life. If I bend wrong or spend too long out and about, they remind me they are there. Or I can not be doing anything and they tell me they rule my body. And fibro keeps me up at night.
Something is going to do me in at some point but I am not going to worry about it. Cancer doesn't deserve to stress me out. It doesn't deserve anything. Its just a piece of crap anyway. I am not going to waste my life worrying about cancer any more than I already have.
Maybe I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.