Finally, finally, finally!

I have something blooming in the garden. The sad thing is I can't remember what its called... Again, I am claiming chemo brain. On the other hand, I can remember that the ones with buds are called crocuses and they might even bloom today. I have been a tad impatient about this. Its a late spring here. Again we had another weekend of thirties and rainy drizzle. We were having a drought last fall but apparently that is over now. We have gotten plenty of rain now.

Today, I get to start my day with a trip to the Lahey clinic parking garage. I am sure I will see examples of 'superior' driving skills. My strategy is to allow at least 5 minutes to get to a parking space as there always seem to be other drivers who just go very slowly and inspect every space to see if someone is about to leave. After surviving the parking garage, my day can only go up from there.

The thought did occur to me, is the surgeon going to do a biopsy this morning or is he going to look at my rash and tell me to come back for a biopsy? It may not even be today. Of course, he could just look at it and tell me its nothing and send me on my way. That wouldn't be too bad. And if he does do a biopsy, how long do I have to wait to get the results? This is looking like a stress filled week. Gee, I haven't had one of those in a while!

Anyhow, after the doctor, I am going to work and then after work I will go for a walk. It should be nice and warm by then and I don't have time this morning. In fact, I need to get off this evil time sucking internet and get moving so I can get to my appointment on time.

Do you have it too???

We all suffer from it I think so admit it! Cyberchondria that is. What is it you say? Its using the internet to look up your medical conditions and diagnose yourself. Forget needing to go to medical school and having formal training, we can all be doctors now. It is a form of hypochondria that uses online resources. Face it, there is a lot of medical information on the internet and your latest symptoms must clearly be that of a fatal disease or the common cold, or somewhere in between. Did you break your leg or do you have bone cancer? Is it a headache or a brain tumor? Is it a rash or is it an reaction? You get the gist of it. Apparently, it is fairly common. So common that if you google cyberchondria, it comes up on medical websites!

So as I wait to go to the doctor for a biopsy on Monday, I get to look up skin rashes. There are lots of them and they can mean all sorts of things from an allergy to cancer. But wait, I already have that! I don't need to worry about getting cancer! I can worry about allergies and viruses and all sorts of fun stuff.

Yesterday I opted not to worry about much and went out to lunch with a friend. We had another very nutritional meal of chicken nachos. They are a balanced diet: refried beans, chicken, lettuce, tomato, corn, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, tomatoes. That includes grains, protein, vegetables, and fat and calories with probably a little cholesterol thrown in... It hit all the food groups. (I also had a salad, sauteed vegetables and salmon for dinner so I was healthier later to counteract it.)

We also went for a long walk. Walter calls these death marches. Today we will go for another one. They are good for him. He gets to run home. I walk home and talk on my cell phone. Multitasking in the great outdoors.

Yesterday we ran in to a giant math problem. I want to get some compost to cover the gardens with an inch or less. I measured the garden area we have and it is about 418 sq ft in 7 separate sections. So how much compost do you need to cover that much area 1" thick? Compost is sold by the cubic foot. The guy at the garden center told us we would need 28 bags for 324 sq ft and if the compost costs $8/bag (organic of course is more expensive) that equals a lot more money than we want to pay. So we didn't buy any but I came home and tried to figure this out. 1 cubic foot is how many cubic inches which at a layer 1" thick would cover how many square feet? I woke up this morning and knew the answer: We have seven little garden areas so I need seven bags. I will use one per garden area. Forget about converting cubic inches to square feet and square yards. Its much easier this way. I couldn't find my calculator and was getting a headache. (Or was it a brain tumor?)

I missed going to Lahey. I admit it.

Yes, I missed going to the Lahey. It had been a while since I had been to the offices up in Peabody. No, not really. I'm lying. So I have been having this rash right next to where my radiation boost was, that is basically sporadically painful for several weeks. The pain level, when it occurred, was at the 'suck in your breath when it hits'.

As I am so sick of going to doctors, I was waiting to let it go away on its own. I finally decided that it wasn't getting better so I called the radiation oncologist. The nurse said 'sounds like shingles but we need the doctor to take a look'. So the doctor said she could fit me in if I drove up to Peabody (20 minutes away). I went, she looked and said... (drum roll)... 'I have no idea. I have never seen anything like this. I think the surgeon should look at it and take a biopsy.' Gee, just what I (NOT) wanted to hear. So I have an appointment for Monday morning at 9 am. I think this will be a 'procedure'. I am so (NOT) looking forward to it. So this weekend will be spent in anticipation of needles and other fun stuff on Monday.

To keep my mind off it, I have been guilty of substance abuse - ice cream. Oreo cookie to be exact. It was yummy. I am not sharing. Walter is off ice cream this week as he has a weigh in next weekend. That means I don't have to share with him. The cat is unfortunately discovering ice cream. He tries to share and stick his head in my ice cream dish. This results in jail time for him. His jail is the side porch which has windows on three sides and a view of many squirrels. It does not include his food dish which is why he tends to regard it as a jail. The real benefit is it allows us to enjoy food with out a beggar. At best he sits on your lap. At worst, his nose is in or near your food.

We are also going to go out for a walk this morning. It has (mostly) stopped raining. That is why we have jackets and hats. We won't melt or wreck our hair dos. Not that I have much of one of those these days. Anyway, not a super exciting day but then it wouldn't be my life if it wasn't boring!

Who has the best collection?

First of all, we have kitty's collection. We keep it on the bottom shelf of a table by the front door. He goes and knocks the toys off and throws them around. Yesterday I went out for a walk and they were all piled neatly up. When I came back, they were all over the floor. Note the presence of kitty drugs. We are not responsible for his actions when he access his drugs. Does he have a substance abuse problem? We are not sure but often we find his toys everywhere. Some of them have bells and we hear him rolling them around in the middle of the night.

The next collection is the beads. I have a multistrand necklace of these beads which now has one fewer strand on it. I put my necklace on the bed the other day just for a minute while I was getting dressed and someone (who is furry but shall remain nameless) jumped up on the bed and walked on it. When I picked it up, there was a little stream of beads spreading all over the floor. Evidently his delicate 18 lbs. managed to break a strand. Luckily this necklace has many strands so it is not that obvious. Now I have a little collection of beads that I cannot possibly restring.

The third collection is probably the most pathetic. After trips home from Lahey, I would just throw the bracelets on my desk next to my monitor and then I found I have a whole pile of them. I guess they are my souvenirs of treatments. I would get one every time I went for chemo and then for 'procedures' and 'tests' but not for radiation. (At radiation, they took your picture and stuck it in your file so they could recognize you and not have to use bracelets each time you go for a treatment.) I probably threw out twice as many as I still have. In addition to my collection of surgical scars, I have these as well for souvenirs.

Now I have three little collections of crap. The first is probably the most useful (well at least for the cat). The second fairly useless and the third one is totally useless. Time for spring cleaning. Well, that will give me something to do today as it is a yucky 35 degree rainy day. No walk outside for me. Perhaps I will make it to the gym in time to watch Ellen DeGeneres as I walk to nowhere on the treadmill but I think its a rerun!

Call me a technoweenie!

Three years ago, we moved in to our house and signed up for RCN. The idiot (unqualified, non RCN) installer who came basically did a poor job - possibly because he was on his cell phone speaking in German the entire time he was working. Anyhow, he never set up our email. He was supposed to set up email on one computer. He didn't. Also, the phone didn't work right and there was some problem with the TV, both of which took a few weeks to resolve. Needless to say I meant to set up RCN email for both of us on our computers. Well, it never happened for me. We got Walter's to work after lots of swearing and arguing with the computer. I tried a couple of times over the three years but could never get it to work. Yes, call me a technoweenie but I couldn't do it.

After my problems with other day with my email (I really don't think the Internet was broken or all my friends hate me) I decided yesterday that I really should switch over. I started with the RCN website and then was going to call for help. I didn't think I could do it because I haven't been able to figure out the POP3 crap that you need to know. I got to the RCN website and they had a little EZ Setup tool for Outlook running in Windows. It took about 10 seconds and I had email. So after three years, it took ten seconds. I feel like a moron (claiming chemo brain for the last 9 months, not sure about the 2 years and three months before that) but I really don't think they had that EZ set up tool available a few months ago. Anyhow, I have a new email address. I can spend the next six months unsubscribing from email lists and resigning up and then telling everyone I know about my new email... My new email is my first initial, married name at rcn.com if you want to figure it out on your own.

Otherwise, I did not have an exciting day. Well, maybe I did. I did meet with an employer and got started on some interesting work. I did some work from home and went for a walk. I met a friend for an entirely unhealthy meal. (I am not concerned about my cholesterol, etc at this point). We got half size appetizers of crab dip and pita chips, boneless buffalo wings, and fried calamari. There were a few lonely carrot and celery sticks with the wings but otherwise there was not much nutrition. I do believe there were lots of fat grams, cholesterol (both good and bad kinds), and calories. Oh, we had wine too to balance out all the bad stuff. It was fun and nice to get out. Today I am going for a long walk to work off the bad things and will go buy some vegetables so we can return to eating healthy.

Now last night I did try that prescription again that gave me so many problems possibly last week. See, I had a cold. Maybe it didn't make me feel crappy and I was just sick. I decided I needed to try it again before I give up on it. I did. I am not sure it worked but will give it a try for a few days before really giving up. I didn't sleep that well but I am not blaming the prescription, I am blaming the cat. He insisted on sleeping next to me on the pillow with his paws in my face, breathing is yucky 'fish breath' into my nose all night long. Ick!

What happened?

Yesterday, I got very, very, very, very, very, very few emails. Its not that I consider myself popular or that email is my lifeblood or something but I am on a million lists and get tons of email. Which all goes nicely sorted into their little folders through filters. Anyhow, yesterday I got nearly none. This causes me to believe one of three things:

1. The internet was broken. Yes, I supposed this could happen. It could break. Unfortunately I don't think its very likely.

2. Everyone decided they hate me and took me off their lists. Again this is possible. I could decide this was the cause, take it personally, and think no one wants to be my friend ever again. And all those impersonal lists I am on hate me as well.

3. My email had a bad day. This is probably the cause. I can only hope that all those job offers are resent to me and that my friends really do like me and will resend their emails.

So yesterday I was pretty tired because the airline called so early. I worked all day, went to my support group, and then my parents came for dinner. The cat mostly behaved until this morning. First of all, when your spouse leaves town for business, you need to make sure they do not reset the alarm clock to go off at some disgusting hour of the morning... Anyhow, I did go back to sleep and slept a little bit late and then the cat came and sat on me. Apparently, his food dish was not up to his specifications - he basically could see bottom and it upsets him greatly. Now he is insisting on sitting on my lap as I sit at my computer. He wants to make sure my typing skills are up to par.

Today I am doing some work for a job and then plan on gardening and going for a walk. I am meeting a friend for dinner. Something I have not done in months! It will be nice. We are going to a restaurant which has a crab/artichoke dip with pita chips that is probably not the healthiest thing in the world but we like it!

What a restful night!

The phone rang at 3:19 am to inform us that Walter's flight this morning was delayed by an hour. This did not benefit us in the least. First of all, it woke us up. Then I couldn't get back to sleep. We also couldn't really leave for the airport any later than 6 am so as to avoid traffic. I do need to add that at that hour there really is no one else in the tunnel to the airport, except the moron driving 2 feet from my rear bumper. Needless to say, I might need a nap today. Or perhaps I can just be crabby. Walter is away for three days so I can be crabby and he won't even know.

I finally got the appointment notification for the follow up with the surgeon. Its not until June but its nice that I finally know when it is. However (as they continue to perfect the art of patient confusion), I am supposed to have a mammogram and then see him when he has the results. I am not sure an hour and a half is enough time between the two for this to happen. I will call today but I do believe one of them will need to be rescheduled. Right now they are both on Friday the 13th as well. I am not sure I like that date either. We already went through the MRI and then no results available when I saw him in December and I don't want to have a repeat.

Today, finally spring will be here. It is already in the mid-50's. That's right 5-0, not 40's or 30's or 20's or 10's or lower. But 50's. Once I finish waking up (two cups of coffee already have not kicked in), I will go for a walk and not have to wear multiple layers of clothes. Perhaps I will wear shorts! Now there's a concept! (When was the last time I shaved my legs? Hmmmm.... Perhaps no shorts.) After my walk I will go to work and my support group. Another exciting and eventful day in my life.

My parents are coming for dinner tonight so the cat doesn't feel neglected with Walter out of town. I am not sure I can properly pay enough attention to him. He needs at least two humans around to cater to his needs properly.