Fear and Cancer

Some one said to me recently that they fear cancer. I say don't fear cancer. Don't waste your energy on fearing cancer. I don't fear cancer. If I get cancer again, I can deal with it. I mean at this point what is a doctor going to say to me? You have cancer. Well, I've already had it twice. That doesn't really scare me. They have to tell me something new to scare me. Now they can stress me out by saying I have cancer but that's another story.

Anyway, what is cancer anyway? Its a million different things and it all boils down to a few key points.

- There is no cure currently for cancer. They can treat you and do their best to get it out of your body but its a crap shoot. Did they get it all? They don't know until it comes back. Or if you get it again, you could win the crap shoot of life a second time by getting an entirely new cancer.

- The treatments they have for cancer are no fun. Surgery where they cut out body parts, radiation where they fry you to a crisp, chemotherapy where they make you sick, hormone therapies where your body goes into a weird menopausal state. But even before that the tests and procedures for diagnosis are not a walk in the park. 'Let me stick a needle in there and pull out some cells, you will only feel a pinch.' is a classic example.

- Then you spend a long time in limbo - 'is that a headache or is a brain tumor, oh no its spread. I'm going to die!' Another friend recently was having 'digestive' issues and she read up on colon cancer. She was happy to note that a symptom of colon cancer is weight loss and since her weight has been proceeding in the opposite direction, she felt safe in the fact that she does not have colon cancer. You live with these little mind games in your head. Which is fogged by chemo brain and stress and doesn't always work rationally.

Finally I have found one benefit to having cancer. You get to go places for 'free'. Well its free if you have had cancer so actually the price is relatively high. But this weekend we are going to Vermont to the Stowe Weekend of Hope, www.stowehope.org. Its supposed to be another great resource for us cancer people. You get to go the first time for free and for a small fee for future visits. Anyway, we get a weekend in Vermont and are leaving as soon as my husband gets back from 'just a couple of hours at the office'. That actually gives me time to finish packing, find the anniversary card I got him, and maybe even run out and get him an anniversary gift.

Its also time for a kitty update. He is a million times better. He is back to his normal obnoxious self - demanding food, treats, water, laps, at all hours of the day and night. He still is on antibiotics so we now have a twice daily wrestling match to get the pill inside him. If I am lucky I can give him a kitty treat and then he thinks he is getting another treat but I stick a pill in his mouth which he inhales and then realizes it wasn't a treat.